The love I had
by kuzierarararara
Summary: AU...Tsuna and Natsu are twins. by the quirk of fate the person she loved (kyouya) happen to mistaken her for her sister. Will Hibari ever realize he had the wrong person? and what will happen to Tsuna if her sister keeps having grudge? R&R if you like this story
1. Chapter 1- My lost Love

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine. Owned the idea though.

Notes/warning: Fem Tsuna and Natsu (I love 2772) but they are sisters. ANDmake yourself free to leave review when you read! That's the main thing authors wanted. TQ.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**THE LOVE I HAD 1... **

**My lost love.**

…

-TSUNAYOSHI POV-

...

...

'_It hurts..It hurts.. '_

I clenched my heart so tight that my well ironed orange shirt wrinkled and my back eyes begin to burning sorely.

I can feel the tears are warming up my cold cheeks. It was warm but at the same time it's painful.

_I didn't realize my heart was hurting this much all this time.._

I clenched to my heart again kneeling on the ground. My forehead almost prostrates on the hard ground. It was bleeding but I don't care.

_My heart hurts more._

'Please heart..why are you like this…I can't take it..'

_I can't stop this feeling._

"What do I do…even though I tried to suppress my feelings, it still won't back down." I can feel something stabbing my heart repeatedly and it feels heavy for me to carry.

"What do I do?"

The tears kept welling up and I closed my eyes held my head up to the sky to prevent my tears from falling. But it still is dripping down my cheek. I can't stop it. It seems forever.

_Now I realized how much have I've been hurting._

I realized I cried a lot in the rain, trying to hide my sobbing sounds within the dripping sounds; my eyes swollen, but I can't see my face.

"She can't learn about this. She must not know about this."

The moment my tears had dried up on its' own; I just realized I stood in front of her grave again without knowing where should I go…

'Please keep it safe from her…'

"Let it be our secret, Mama…"

The fresh scent after the rain running into my bunged up nose and I can breathe at ease again. The scent of roses where I placed on her grave was faintly absorbed into the air. I smiled weakly after I snorted, a bit. And I let a warm smile grace my face warmly in front of her.

"Mama, I came to see you." I stopped and kept staring at the unattended grave melancholy, my heart was breaking again. "I'm sorry I can't see you. I wished I could.." I trailed off my words and wipe my endless tears. "And I'm sorry, She can't come with me again today," I chuckled lightly like a mad person, but I don't care, because she is my mama.

"She can't come because…, because she is busy mama," I wipe my unintentional tears away and kept my smiling face.

The silent fell and the air brushes my face softly as if enveloped me in warm hugs; drying my tears which keep perking endlessly although I tried to stop it.

"I have to go now, mama…until I see you next time."

I kept smiling until I turned my head. My eyes tearing again.

I heavily compiled my steps to my house. I am sad. Gravely.

And I don't want to go home…please…

The truth is, today was the saddest day of my life. The love of my life is actually my soon to be in law. I didn't know how to put it and so, I came here to meet my mom. Both my brother in law and sister decides to marry tomorrow and it was finally the day today.

It was the day our parent died…

And the grim and darkest day of me.

I lost my vision in an accident and it was fatal. Mama died protecting me.

Yet, she can make her wedding party on this fateful day.

"…."

'And she even forget you..mama...'

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Flashback…

"Natsu, I have something to tell you." I was humming cheerfully while my hands were trying to search for her body and presence. My heart was beating faster even before I bring the topic, but she cut me off.

"No. Hear me first Tsuna." She was smiling happily. I can tell that from the sounds of her screeching shoes and her voice. I halted right away and trying to keeps my face smiling earnestly.

"What is it?"

I don't know why, but I feel some bad omen about the news she was going to tell about. She was hugging me and gripped my shoulders tightly with happy news, "He is going to marry me!"

I was stunned. "Who?" I blink my non reactive eyes.

"The guy you introduced to me! Kyouya!"

That moment, I nearly dropped the orange juice I brought for her when she came home from her office. But since she was so happy to notice, she took it from my hands and put it on the table nearby. I was still stunned and shocked at the news.

_My heart feels stabs._

"Don't you feel happy for me Tsuna!" She pulled me into her warm excited lovely embrace and mumbling happily against my nape. "I love you Tsuna! I really love you!" She doesn't even care about my feelings. "I really love you! Thank you!" and with that, she kissed both my cheeks and forehead and hug me closer.

She has always been like this. She was not a sensitive person..and that is alright. I knew her better than she knew herself. But… she failed to sense my true feelings after all.

I can't bear it. How should I act in front of her? I can't act like her; I'm not good in anything like her.

All I know is, my heart was sad and subdued. It was crying right now, when my face was forming a sinful smile at her. But she was my only sibling I had.

My lovely sister whom I always love and adore. I can't break her.

"I'm glad Natsu. So, w-when will you marry?" I almost tripped on my words. And painfully asking trying my best preventing my voice from shaking; feeling dejected.

"Tomorrow." I was shocked and barely hide it carefully in my heart. I can tell she was beaming sunshine.

She chuckled lightly.

But my head hurt. It feels unbearably depressed, empty..and my heart hurts so bad.

If I could bury my heart I would have done years before so I wouldn't hurt anymore.

_But it's too late._

_I am so lost and I never want to love again…_

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

It has been two months. They were married and we lived together as three, but Kyouya-san rarely home. Although I can't see, I know what they were doing just by feeling their presence in the house.

They were kissing, hugging, joking around and laughing happily,

They did everything that I couldn't experience.

And I could just sense them in the darkness. Feeling more rejected.

But fortunately, my brother in law, Kyouya Hibari isn't so particular about me living together with them in the house. He didn't care. In fact, he was really kind towards me.

_He was truthfully very kind to me._

"Natsu, where was the other you?" I heard him asking curiously. I knew he was asking for me but I decided to hide behind the closets.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her for a while now." She answered nonchalantly while tying his tie.

I can tell because the only thing he answered was a heavy 'hn' disgruntled. Maybe it was because I lost my vision, but I was grateful that my sense of hearing becoming sharper and my mind had remembered everything, every centimeter in the house and steps. It was hard at the beginning but then, its' becoming my routine and habits and I get to live my life as a blind person.

_Although it was not easy._

"Bye Natsu. I'll get going to work now. See you later." He leaned closer to her level and they kissed.

My heart burned when I heard the 'chup' sounds when their lips touching each other. And my heart screamed when I heard she giggled happily.

I can never experience those euphoria feelings.

Because I am blind now. He should have deserved better.

"Bye, Kyouya. I will see you after work then." Natsu answered with a smile. With that, Kyouya went to work and my sister was cleaning the table before she dropped all the crockery into the sink before she goes to her office.

"Tsuna! Cleaned that up for me! Jya!"

'Click' The door was closed. But I feel like my world had closed.

I can't bear it anymore. This feeling of wanting to love him grew more and more.

I love him. I really do love him. So, damn much that my heart was crying every time I heard them enjoying themselves and all. Even when they were just talking to each other, I felt worse and downcast.

_I was jealous…_

It was an ear sore. Months ago, I still can hold myself, but not anymore.

I begin to want him for myself. I am being greedy and selfish.

But I know it was deadly wrong. I can't defy my feelings but I can't ignore my sister's feelings too. I was trap between two roads.

She doesn't know anything. She knows nothing, only I do.

That's why…whenever he was closer, I always distance myself.

I keep ... I hate the fact that I stayed with him even when I shouldn't have.

I want to be closed to him more, just like my sister does, I also wants to snuggle up to him, reach for him when I am down…but I can't. I knew I can't.

Because, he is my sister's husband and life.

_But he was my life too…_

I begin to sob silently as I leaned my back to the wall down to the floor.

I can't bear this unbearable overflows feelings which gushing out to my throat to cry. Immediately, tears welled up in my eyes as I felt a tightening in my chest.

How I wished that it was me who gave him the kiss before going to work.

How I wished it was me who made his tie.

How I wished it was me who made him the breakfast and cook for him every day.

But it was only an illusion of mine.

Just because I am blind now…I must retreat…

They say that all wounds heal over time…

But why does it feel like…I could die?

XXXXXXXXXXX

* * *

TBC…

Well…what do you think…?

Reviews are always appreciated…


	2. Chapter 1-5- side story

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine. Owned the idea though. This is an addition though. It's started from the middle, I tell you. Feel free to read and review.. read from the middle okay?

**THE LOVE I HAD... **

**Special 1.5**

**The secret letters**

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

TODAY…

They were planning on going out again and I was about to be left alone in the house.

Kyouya-san did asked me whether I want to go out with them or not but whenever I sense the wrath in my sister's silent; as always, I halt my steps and turn my backs from them.

"No. Thank you. I just ate." was all I said to him and smiled when I didn't have a single bite of food since yesterday.

I knew Natsu already sensing my overwhelming feelings I had for her husband. She was furious now.

And I had to lie.

I heard him just 'hn' me. I can never see his expression when he said that. I wonder if he saw through my lies.

"Kyouya, let's eat out today alright?"Natsu was begging him with intimate tone like she always does. I only shrugged away and made my way into the house with my hands approaching the wall and made my way with the aids of furniture in the house.

I know she was more beautiful than me even though we are twins, but she still had everything that I lack. People always said that twins are identical and the same but the fact is we are still different in some way. And maybe it was the truth when they say, the elder sister gave her everything for the other twin to live and survive in the new world while the eldest almost sacrificed her life whilst in the womb.

And that other twin might be me. She was the finest and I get all the deformities from both of us..

Every time I heard and looked at her perfection, I grew in jealousy but it ceased right away since I hate holding grudge.

Natsu was still begging her husband but it seems like Kyouya-san was reluctant to leave the house now. And somehow, my lips formed a small smile.

He really does cares for me.

"Herbivore.. We will go out now. Don't damage everything in the house, okay?" He said strict as always, while I was showing him my back.

Within his harsh words, his voice slips his concerns for me. But, the fact is, he still loves Natsu more than me..

And my smiles wore out.

I wouldn't know whether he was sad or feeling guilty or feeling angry when I rejected the offer. I can't see his face expression. But I think I knew what he was feeling right now.

He might feel worse and guilty just like my feelings when I refused his offer.

But, why would he go if he felt the same way that I am?

Because we are one. He and I was actually one. But it was connected through Natsu. Should I say…Natsu was the hindrance?

'No,'

I was thankful because she was the reason why I can still feel him near me, though I can't see him with my eyes. But it was just fine when I can still hear his soft, low and romantic, nonchalant voice whenever he spokes to me; whenever he called my name.

Whenever he just walked passed by me before he walked straight to kiss Natsu behind my back… I felt sorry for myself. And sad..

But, it's alright.

_It's because I love him. And I will always do._

I don't care if I am feeling gravely sad and over bearing like this.

It's because I love him, that I can still hanging on. It's like I'm gripping on a tightrope before falling down into the dark abyss.

I have nothing more to lose if I can feel him near me.

That's all I wished. BUT…

Is that all I really wanted? Up until now, I haven't been thinking about what I want. I just want Natsu and Kyouya-san to be happy ever after.

But is it alright? Just like that? I kept asking myself but still found no answer…

…

It's been one hour and they still haven't come back.

I sneaked into the master bedroom, it was their room, where they were having their happy moments and other things which would never happened to me.

The room was full with his fragrance and Natsu's. Forget about Natsu scent. It was all about Kyouya Hibari.

I took my steps towards his cupboard where his shirts were held nicely. I accidentally stumbled over the cupboard and fell seated inside the cupboard while I'm walking and the next thing I realized was his scent.

The cupboard was full with his scents and colognes.

His ironed clothes, his scents, his everything, keep provoking my mind. I can't stops thinking about him.

I'm going to be crazy just having these crazy thought of him.

I just can't stop it.

The feeling is blooming rapidly inside my heart.

How much have I wanted to get him closed to me; to take his scent with me... I want to feel his warm embrace around me.

So, I pulled all his clothes into my embrace as a replacement of his warmth on me.

But it always flies with the thought. It never will happen in reality…to me. And so, I let go.

_I should stop thinking like this._

Then, I walked to his study room which just a few steps away from the master bedroom; I accidentally touched his properties on the table which was sorted out neatly. Hence, instead of going away, I thought wickedly of using his properties.

I grinned and sat on his chair and pull out a pen from the box and tried to scratch something..

I chuckled slightly.

It was wonderful, and funny; the feeling of doing something awkward for your love ones. It was a long distance memory.

If I can't reach him by spoken words, I still could reach him through my writings.

I wasn't one with good speaker, but I'm quite good in writing, a propositional from Natsu's ability. Since I have love Hibari Kyouya from high school, I had always sent him letters every day.

Unexpectedly, he replied my letter.

'Dear Kyouya-san….'

…..

_Flashbacks…_

I always sneaked out from the classroom to the roof just to ditch my class.

My best friends (Hayato and Takeshi) always ditching class with me. Not to say, we were always eating bento together at the rooftop. That was all until a certain skylark knew our private place.

He made a rule.

That he would beat every one of us till death if we kept tempting him and crossed the rule. And as usual, we just ignore his warning and the next thing I knew, I confront him face to face.

We fight, and fight each other, but somehow, that fights turned to be the sparkle of love.

I, started to love him…

And I love him so much…

Even though we fight fairly strong, he seems to be always considerate of my wellness after the event. He would give me permission to come late to school if I am sick. Of course I get sick, because he truthfully intents to kill me if he can. Even Hayato and Takeshi were no match for him.

I didn't tell anybody, I keep it secret to myself.

The fact that I love him; and that one thing is enough.

I don't know why, but I think it was because I love him that my fighting skills had reduced. Unconsciously, I want to look feminine in front of him. I am turning feminine and weaker than my usual self.

I want him to look at me more. To noticed me.

And so, I stop involving myself in the mafia war plays and activities and started to dress up myself as a girl. It was my first time wearing a school girl's dress and it was unexpectedly suits me very well. Whenever I look up myself in the mirror, I can't help but smiling when I feels like I am even more beautiful than my twin sister with my round brown eyes blinking like a doll.

Is it called narcissist like that? I hope not. Because, I'm just grateful of my whole being.

It was my first time growing my hair and acting as a girl. I stopped fighting with him and everybody else. Even both Yamamoto and Gokudera were shocked to see my new appearance; they didn't even notice that I was a girl all this time. And some of my classmates even forgot that I was their classmates.

They looked at me in awe. And I would look down with blushed on my cheeks.

Am I really that beautiful? If so, I want to be looked like that in front of him.

I want him to thought of me as a girl not as a violent wimpy Tsuna that he always fought with.

….

It was then I made my first appearance as a girl in front of him. He stared at me as if I am an outsider and before he opened his mouth I gave him my first self made cookies and he kindly took it and I dashed away from his sights. I can feel my cheeks and face was burning hotter as he took it.

Who can ever think that the stern and straight face Hibari Kyouya would accept anything from girls? I bet no one dared to give him anything. But he took mine.

His face was indifferent but that's what makes me fell for him even more.

I looked at him from my hiding place.

He ate it when he was at the rooftop. And a smiled curled up at the corner of his lips.

The happiness is warming up my heart. I can feel the feelings were blooming in my heart.

I didn't realize that I love him more than I imagine.

I really love him.

And that was the end of the year.

And he still does not realized that it was the girl who always picking a fight with him.

….

It was later; I started contacting him through letters. I was in my second year and he was senior…I guess? I rarely seen him in school though.

But, through some coincidence, I got to know his address. And it's overwhelming..

I thought it was fate that brings us together…. Yeah… we were fated to know each other…

….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Dear Hibari-san._

_It is yours right? I found this letter, on the road and it was already soaking wet because of the rain. I hope you're not implying me, who did it. My mother thinks that, I should send this letter back to you somehow, because it got some serious or mysteriously stamps on it; are you a cop or something? I seriously thought it was a confidential since it has police stamps on it. I felt responsible to return it to you. Anyway, I hope you get it. Oh! And I didn't read the letter. _

_I'm sorry…There isn't much more to say. _

_Bye._

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Cielo,_

_Thank you for sending the letter to me. It was indeed an important letter. There was no need for you to apologize when it's my fault or the herbivore's (postman's) fault that the letter was all wet and I should tell you it was hard to read. Or are you saying you didn't read it because you actually read it? Or was it you so hesitant before you gave it to me and totally lose it while you're in washroom and drop it wet?_

_I can only hope. _

_From Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola-san,_

_Why was there was so much in your letter that I didn't like! Here I am being a nice person and sending a letter, that I found for you, to you. Why are you insulting my kindness?! _

_And why are you Nuvola?!_

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Herbivore,_

_I'm sorry that there was so much in my letter that you didn't like. However, did I read you through? When I analyzed back through that letter, I realized, it really does have a person thumbprints on that letter. And it's ripped._

_Oh…and yes, it up to me for not using my name. _

_Herbivore should just be herbivore._

_From, Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola_

_So, what makes you?! Carnivore or something like monster?!_

_I hate the fact that you almost read through me…_

_I'm sorry... I accidentally dropped my water on your envelope…while it's on my table…and it ripped while I tried to dry it using towel. BUT, honestly, I didn't read it even an alphabet. Did you really have difficulties while reading it?_

_From, Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Cielo,_

_So, I am right then. That's why I said, herbivores should just be like herbivores. Just be it. You are herbivore and I am carnivore…Herbivore can't beat the carnivore except to be eaten._

_Back to the letter, to tell you the truth, it still can be read even with difficulties. Anyhow, I owe you my thanks. I don't like having debt._

_So, tell me how can I repay you?_

_Sicerely, Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear carnivore-san,_

_Honestly, your words always insulting. Are you always so distant like that? People will hate you._

_Sicerely, Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear herbivore,_

_I would appreciate if you don't call me carnivore like that when you were just an herbivore on earth._

_Anyway, I dislike crowding and feel at peace when people avoiding me, fear me. I don't hope that you understand those feelings though…_

_Just tell me, how I should repay you._

_Sincerely, Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola,_

_Sorry if I insults you. But I'm a human being too, not herbivore and so is you._

_Anyway…You don't have to repay me. It's nothing._

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear herbivore,_

_I don't have ill intention for you. You don't like it? I think that name fits you better. Don't you think so? By the way, just tell me what you want. Does it not registered in your small brain?_

_From Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola-san._

_Small brain?! Do you really wanted to repay me? Are you seriously going to repay me in any way I want? By the way, this place is really boring. Is there anything to do here? _

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear herbivore,_

_I would do anything in my range, idiot. Just don't ever hope for me to go out in the crowd like that. Do I have to repeat myself? I HATE CROWDING._

_Thus, there is nothing to do in this so called "city", it was filled with all Mafioso in the world than you can imagine. I come to protect this town and its people. So, I suggest a small herbivore like you should just stay inside. _

_From, Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola,_

_Hn... Sounds serious. Are you sure you want to tell a complete stranger something serious? I don't want you to do something you will regret later on. I am just a herbivore after all._

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear herbivore,_

_It's alright, since messaging with you isn't involving crowding and it isn't using mechanical support. I really hate all that stuff, thus I know I need it the most. Plus, what can you do when you're just a herbivore?_

_In the end, it been almost 3 months we're messaging…why haven't you tell me what the hell do you want? _

_From Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola,_

_About that payment…you have been paying me a lot after that incident._

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear herbivore,_

_What do you mean? Are you mocking me?!_

_From Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola,_

_That's not what I meant. Since you've been writing for me, I've become a happy person… I guess. I just wanted someone to hear me and talk to me. And that's how you will repay me. Isn't that alright with you?_

_From Cielo.._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Cielo,_

…

_From Nuvola._

_p/s: I have nothing to say._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola,_

_Do you not want to talk to me anymore?_

_Yeah…I guess, I can understand that. Even stranger like you would find me a nuisance._

_I'm sorry to bother you a lot all these time.. I appreciate it until now._

_Thank you.._

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Idiot herbivore,_

_Idiot... to be truthful, you sound like you wants to shut yourself. I don't like it. You are turning very feeble each month I sent you letter. Long time ago, you sound like you're a type of weak herbivore who would try to survive and you did impress me. Where's the weak herbivore I'm slowly getting to know? Don't do anything stupid. There's always light after the dark. You have to go through that dark place to get to it, but it's there, waiting for you. You'll see, things will get better._

_Furthermore, since when did I said I won't be writing to you? I just have a lot of works to do these days._

_Man…you sounds like a girl to me. _

_From, enrage Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola,_

_You got me! I am a girl alright. So, was it okay with you?_

_There's always light after the dark? Thanks. You've really helped me. It's amazing that in just a few sentences you could do that. I'm sorry for acting like that. I just really needed to let those feeling out. _

_So, what work did you do? Something like undercover or what?_

_From curious Ciielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear weak herbivore…_

_I'm not anything like you think, thus, it's dangerous to know more about me. I will tell you when I feel like it, okay?_

_From Nuvola_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX._

_Dear Nuvola,_

_It's amazing how just getting a letter now can make me smile. Sorry, I just had to let that out. I was just wondering…Can I ask you a question?_

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear nuisance herbivore,_

_Is there anything you would not have to ask?_

_Anyway, just ask one question at a time. It's a bother._

_From Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola,_

_Truthfully, I had a feeling that you were really kind in the inside even though you speak harsh words._

_Don't get mad. It's just a saying. _

_The question is….Can we go…hang out together?_

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear herbivore,_

_Have you not registered that I dislike crowding?_

_So, the answer is no. For now._

_From Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Nuvola,_

_It took forever to get your letter as always. I've had a lot in my mind since then... Like do you hate me and things like that? You know, we not knowing each other…and I am afraid of losing a friend like you without knowing. I feel like, I have this feeling of growing needs towards you…I think I'm growing to like you…_

_I'm sorry… _

_From Cielo_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear My Cielo,_

_Do you feel like it's wrong? We've been sending letters for over eight months. It's normal to grew fond like that. As for me, I'm not so open with people around me, and I hope you don't think too high of me. I will surely disappoint you._

_From Nuvola.._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Kyouya-san,_

_Why do you say that? I know we've been sending letters to each other for over eight months. It killed me when you didn't send a letter for almost 2 months. I'm just slightly confused with my feelings. How can I say like that when you didn't even know me… It scares me, but I really do have this fond feeling for you, to hear your words of advice and just to hear from you. It feels kind of stupid, but it doesn't feel wrong at all. _

_I-I really like you._

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear herbivore,_

_Now you're using my name. I'll bite you to death for that._

_You're not completely wrong. It is scary sometimes, not really knowing who you are talking to. It does feel stupid but in a good way. I may not look like it, but I am a very different person at the outside. But, whenever I talk to you, I feel like I have someone I can express myself more. It feels comfortable when I'm talking with you, like you were there besides me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart._

_I like you, too._

_From Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Kyouya-san,_

_I can't help but read your letter over and over again. It makes me smile and sometimes I cried also. I'm such a touchy._

_From Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Cielo-san,_

_I told you not to use my name aren't I? I'll bite you to death when we met sooner or later._

_So, just cry when I bite you is enough. _

_From Nuvola._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dear Kyouya-san,_

_Really?! Are we going to meet?! I'm excited!_

_If calling your name makes you wanted to bite me, so be it. So we can meet faster. _

_From naughty Cielo._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

…_.._

And that was how I end up knowing who Kyouya Hibari really was. He was like entirely different person when we're all alone in our own world.

So,…without realizing it, I really really fallen deep in love him…

But I didn't realized, that he had been stalking me since then and know where I live.

And soon…he gets to know Natsu, my twin sister… and not me…

And it took me down to deepest hell…

….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Author's note: I actually read the 'letter' from somewhere, and decided to use it in this story. it was because that 'letter' and I started the first chapter.._

_Sorry… Hopefully that would give better explanations about how they ended up writing letter.. _


	3. Chapter 2- BBQ day

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

**The Love I had 2.**

**The BBQ we had**

_Continued from the last chapter._

_Flashback…_

…

…

I didn't realize when I had become too bashful to see him with my own eyes, even though he was right under my nose.

But I still kept in touch with him through letters.

Sadly…he didn't reply for a while, but I should not back down, right? So, I continued sending letter sometimes just to say 'hi', 'how are you' or 'I missed you' whenever I wanted to. And I would give candies or dolls as present to the little I-pin who helped me sending those letters.

I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

And then, he replied one of my letters.

It was surprisingly true; Kyouya Hibari wrote back! I nearly jump when I realized I was in front of the entrance, hence I hide it in my sleeve..

Though, it was more towards warning letter, unlike always.

It says, _'I promised I would find you by myself if you don't show up at the usual coordinates..OR…I will beat you to death for pestering in my life.' _He wrote that in that threatening way, but I always considered it as love letter.

Its' because, I found everything about him are beautiful and interesting.

And my love just grew more…and more…

His handwriting was really neat just like what his appearance looked like. And even the paper gives out a pleasant smell.

I sniffed it out like a mad person.

It was his perfume.

This was madness and I don't know how to stop this madness from growing.

And I know I am madly in love with someone who doesn't even know me.

I am in unrequited love, I had known it from the moment I fell for him, But even so, I still want to loves him… I will always love him.

Even though it pained me. Deeply.

I always observed him. I refused to call it stalking because I'm not really stalking; just taking a view of him…sometime..

He likes sleeping on the rooftop after he had finished his works in observing the student's and maintain the peace in Namimori, and I always knew that he will read my letter while he was roaming on the rooftop. I know he is a dutiful person but I'm very pleased when he still wasted his precious time on reading my letter.

Not only observing the student's attitude.

Somehow, I always giggled alone and I understood that my friends look at me as if I am a 'mental person'. Fine! Be with it..

At least… I learned to know him somehow…and it was great.

Since then, Hibari Kyouya keeps replying my letters, sometimes he just replied with a 'hn' in the letter.

It doesn't matter…because that just meant he had read my letter and I will roll on my bed happily while staring at the blank letter. For hours.

I even kissed the letter.

It was nothing much. Just a blank paper, but to me, it was really precious; as much as I appreciate my life, I kept it in my sacred box gently...

Later, he becomes more open and he talked to me about the student's attitude, about how a person can became a gangster or mafia, and he also told me about how a genius baby could exist in this world? He was always intrigued by the small baby who keeps roaming around him sometime.

It was funny, when he told me his true feelings when the baby met him. He was deadly shocked when the baby was talking to him and even walking! But he still maintained his stern face; because his pride and ego was too high. I didn't even think that the mighty Hibari-sama had something to be worried about.

I chuckled lightly whenever I remember his letter.

He was willingly sharing his thought with _this_ stranger.

And I was thankful for that special privilege.

I was really thankful…to be that stranger.

….

….

'I want to meet you. Why won't you show your face in front of me? Are you that ugly?'He said sarcastically in his letter. I snorted unfeminine. He _was_ funny in his own way.

It was later, that I know, he thought someone else was the one exchanging letter with him…

He had never taken me in consideration.

Me, the one who gave him cookies at the end of my first year…

But he thought it was always Natsu… He always knew it was me but he had the wrong person.

Since I knew that he like someone like Natsu more, I asked some cute delivery girl to send my letters to him instead of the postmen. I have lost courage that he will come to like me if he knew it was me who wrote him. I have no energy to walk to post office to the worst.

Luckily that little girl named I-pin willingly approached him. I guessed it was because I-pin too… had fallen for him. His well sculpture handsome feature would attract many women if not for his ignorance.

I knew he was wrong when he said in his letter beaming excitedly, I think, although it was stern, '_I saw you from your house_,' at first, I thought it was me, but later he wrote, '_You're the one wearing the pink dress aren't you? You had a brother or sister don't you?'_

_That fateful day, I'm not even wearing pink dress, but I was standing there right in front of my house waving my hands at him…_

_So…how can he…ignores my presence just like that. I'm wearing trousers damn it! _

I, as I read that letter, my heart break into pieces. My world was completely darken…and I can't see a thing in front of me. My heart was struck speechless and empty…not empty…it feels so devastated and cold... Everything was disappearing.

It was my first time experiencing my severe heartbreak and desperation, and I wished I haven't fall in love, but I already did. I was turning into depression state and I didn't write letter for him anymore. I keep moping in my rooms and skip my school.

Absenteeism had become my routines.

And I have been diagnosed with severe depression to the point of no help…

And one day, my mom, and sister decides to bring me to a place for vacation. My mom was especially worried about me when I started changing my boyish appearance, turning into a lovely girl just like what she wanted, and suddenly, when I was truly happy, she saw me fallen into depression and my body is thinner than before.

I don't know what to do…

I played by myself, writing letters but ended in the dustbin…and I lost my resolves.

There were no more tears to shed…even when I cried…

Will I ever forget everything by being like this?

I knew I looked quite miserable, on top of my half-erased makeup. Even Natsu was looking at me suspiciously.

What to do…?

And so…I lied to Natsu…

…

"Natsu, someone wants to meet you. He knew about you about some times. And I knew you would love to meet him too."

Natsu, my twin sister who had been enrolled in prestigious high school named Vongola High School and was actually the candidate of Vongola Tenth Valedictorian looked at me curiously and making sour face. She thought I'm lying to her.

"Do you really want me to meet that guy?" I nodded frantically hiding my nervousness.

"I didn't even know him.." she said calmly as if uninterested with the said guy.

"But, won't you see him once? He just wants to meet you." I'm begging her with my puppy face.

'_Please meet him…Natsu.'_

'_I feel sorry for Kyouya-san..,'_

Since I stop writing letter, he kept worrying about me and my conditions. He kept sending me letter and I won't reply, I kept wandering if he loves me when he was worried sick like that.

'_Are you even in love with me?_' I asked myself, feeling more dejected when the answer can't be met.

Natsu was hesitating at first, than she nodded in agreement and smiled warmly as she patted my head.

And so they met but under one condition; she wants to bring me.

I made their meeting possible.

And I made my old appearance back.

Who knows, Kyouya HIbari actually like a persona like Natsu and not me.

It is a sad thing…

…

"Tsuna, I love him.." And my heart was stab again…I was staggered when Natsu told me she was deeply in love with him since their first met.

It was her first love.

How can I destroy her first love?

_But, he was also my true love…_

That was when I thought, how stupid I was, giving my love to my sister. Why do I need to sacrifice myself?

…

When we were going out, Natsu walked side by side with Kyouya and I walked by myself alone, acting as a violent sister… He looked at me with scornful face at all times.

"I never thought that it was you, herbivore. No wonder, you have stop fighting against me. Is it that your sister asked you to stop?" He mocked me. And I just rolled my eyes.

I act as if I'm irritated but in reality it pained me as hell to act like that. My heart ache and I ignore it.

It must look lively…

And I buried my feelings deep down to my bone. It became so dark. And nobody notice a glint of it.

"I didn't notice you were a female until Natsu told me." He snickered.

"Shut up." I said nonchalantly, uninterested with his mocking. I had always known that he despise the Tsuna he knew.

I had known it.

He hates me..

And I'm acting as if I hate him too…with my little courage.

I hate it when it caused me pain…

I hate it when I hold grudge…

I hate it when I look at them… I hate everything in my sight.

But I try to act like I don't care just so I won't get my feelings hurt more. When I think about it, I thought…my feelings were not important anymore…Kyouya-san was all that matters…

Nobody knows what was hidden inside my heart. I forced myself to wear those hideous boyish clothes. I cut my grown hair and it turned ugly short, and I turned back to my old usual self. I cried myself out when I was cutting my beautiful long brown hair in the bathroom...silently. It was killing me. My mom was quite shocked but my sister doesn't. She loves me more with my old appearance.

Of course she does. Because she always hates that we had the same faces, same voice and same height. That was one of the reasons why I grown up boyish style and she grown up with ladies style. And that was the reason why we didn't attend the same schools.

She said she loves me, but the fact is, I know she was using me.

I know all this time.

But I keep it in my heart.

Even giving Kyouya to her was also because I wanted her to love me more. To see me…as her sister. To acknowledge me.

….

I sensed that Kyouya-san was staring at me from the corner of his eyes.

I realized the changes in Kyouya-san expression, it, as if he can sense that Natsu was not the one writing the letters. He sensed that she was not the one exchanging letter with him since Natsu knows nothing about it.

And I could feel a piece of my ripen heart was reconnect again.

And I beamed a small smile.

But it ends' of the beginning when she suddenly said, '_the crazy things make the life happier, and when you lose it, we want it more, and when it's gone, we tried to find it.'_ It was the exact things I wrote in my letter.

It was mine..

"You talk to me about mafia things, your feelings towards student's attitude. And.."

I saw Kyouya-san's face looks astonished at the sentences. His solemn face turning brighter and shows gratitude, for it was really the person he always love. For him, Natsu really is the person who wrote those letters. He unconditionally pulled her in a warm embrace and kissed her passionately.

Right there, in front of the youngsters. His OOC-ness.

And I can never get it.

He kissed her right in front of me. Tsuna, the one who truly loves him. The one who wrote those letters. The one he always talked his problems with. The one that would always stay by his side forever.

Why didn't he notice that Natsu was not me! He thought Cielo was fooling around. Natsu is fooling around with him.

My hands were trembling and my knees were shaking desperately wanting to run away from that place.

_I want to run!_

I could not bear to stare at the affectionate kiss. It was supposed to be me…

I am the one to feel that lips…

I'm the one who should taste him inside…

I'm the one he should embrace…

I am the one he loved all this time! Not her!

But why didn't he realize… Natsu was not me! My heart was screaming in pain and was grieving.

If he love the Cielo in the letter, he should realize Natsu was not me!

My heart was stabbed so deep that I can feel my blood was gushing out as tears flowing down my cheeks...

I ran from there, my knees were weakened and I leaned myself behind that tree…crying… crying and crying… kneeling to the ground…

Suddenly, someone nudged my shoulder from behind. I was stunned when I thought it was Kyouya-san,…but it was Yamamoto…

He was hindering my vision with his masculine tall body. I can't see a thing in front; I don't see their affectionate kisses anymore.

I deeply appreciate it…

I didn't know how he knew I was there. But, he was there and coaxed me in a warm hug and lent me his chest for me to cry on. I didn't want to look into his hazel eyes. It was filled with pity and sorrow. It was clear that he was feeling sad and cried for me too.

I was pitiful.

All I did was cried and cried on his chest…and the sobbing echoes dully in his chest… Later, I told Yamamoto to tell both Natsu and Kyouya-san that I'm going home…and he did.

I went inside my room just to feel ambushed. My belongings were out of place. Someone had barge in my room secretly.

I saw my sacred box was widely opened, and the letters were scattered around my bed.

It was Natsu…

She intentionally brings me with her during her dating…Just to make me jealous.

Just to let me know that I can't snatch away her Kyouya. She was indeed, fuming in jealousy.

_Why did I felt as if I saw this was coming?_

Yet, I just let she do what she wants…

I don't know how she knew that I was writing letter to Hibari, But she knew, she read all my letters I kept safely in my sacred 'lione de cielo' box.

I was betrayed. She used me and betrayed me…

I was betrayed. That's why she knew everything that I shared with Kyouya-san.

How foolish of me…

I cried again. Non-stop that the sobbing was heard from the next room. My mother suddenly rushed inside my bedroom and saw me crying my heart out at the edge of my bed. Of course she was shocked; my room was in messed and since she has not even seen me crying for years since our father died. This was the worst ever.

I can't hide it from my mom anymore.

She held me in her warm embrace and it feels like it has been so long I've been longing for someone to embrace me. I missed my mother.

I missed her so much.

My tears dampen her dress and she ignores it and still held me in her bosom. Patting my shoulders and caressed my hair tenderly.

She kissed my cheeks and forehead repeatedly.

It has been so long since I felt warmth.

The only thing I did was crying and sobbing in her bosom, and mama didn't ask anything. and I was glad… She just 'shh' me with her lullaby just like the old times.

_I lost my love…mama.._

_Now, I truly lost him…_

…

…

_And I feel like dying…_

…_._

And, in a blink of eye five months had passed… I was closing my world in my own room. Until one day,I sent him a letter again. Because I can't contained this hurtful feeling anymore.

Seeing Kyouya-san was lied in front of his face. My heart burned! I can't let this continue.

I should tell him. Yes, I should…

Kyouya-san should know the truth!

That was what I thought.

And the letter sounds like this..

'_Dearest Kyouya-san, why didn't you send me letter anymore? Did you meet someone else you fancy? You dare not even telling me who the lucky girl was. Silly. _'

-Cielo-

….

But what I didn't realize was that, that single letter makes our whole world doomed.

It was the beginning of living hell.

…_.._

_-end flashback-_

…

I was startled and my hands accidentally flicked away the glass which has always been there and suddenly the table turned into a mess.

I quickly dried it out using my clothes desperately and tried my best to put it back to its' usual places, but it was impossible since I didn't even know the actual places. It was my first time coming inside his study room and touching his belongings without his permission.

Suddenly I heard the door was widely opened.

"What were you doing inside my study?"

The voice was stern, and I startled when heard the same hoarse voice behind my back. Oh boy! They are back from dinner.

I quickly, crumpled the piece of paper I used to scratch and write for him inside my palm. My hands are trembling. I tried to hide it and stood in front of the table agitatedly.

"Don't you hear? I said, what were you doing inside my study?" His voice was in high pitch this time.

He was angry…

I stammered and my limbs are trembling.

"I-I – I didn't do anything. I swear. I swear Kyouya-san. I didn't." I was stammered.

I didn't know what to do and I also didn't know where was he…and I didn't know that I face the wall until a pair of cold hands nudges his hands around my shoulders and turned my body to face with him.

I can feel myself redden when he closed our distanced…and feel his warm breath against my bangs..

'_Don't do this Kyouya san…or I'll break again…'_

I was too scared to say anything. I don't know if the water or ink had messed up his work or anything.

"I'm sorry…" is all I can mutter.

"I'm sorry Kyouya-san.." I looked down. I knew he was angry.

My feet were stiffened and it won't move and my stomach was squeezing tightly. Why was he silent after he barked at me?

_Why? It was killing me._

Suddenly, I feel a pair of thumb was circling my cheeks, wiping out my tears...gently. I didn't realize I had been crying over those memories when I was sitting until he touched my cheeks.

He wiped it, but the tears pouring more as I blink my eyes.

"Why were you inside my study?" He was still on with his question even when his hands were on my cheeks, but this time his voice was gentler. Why was he curious to know?

_I am curious to know.._

"It's nothing.." I distance myself from him, a few steps back. His warm hands immediately fell off from my arms.

The silent followed again…and it was nerve-wrecking moment.

"What is that inside your palm?" I was surprised that he notice the paper crumpled in my palm. And so, my instinct brought my hands to my back.

He can't read it.

It was supposed to be mine. And mine only.

Suddenly I heard a drape sounds of his shoes, fast and few seconds later, his hands was already on my palms, forcing me to opened it. His strength forced my hands to give in and I opened my palm.

The crumpled paper was in his possession now..

It's my mistakes.

I heard the sound of paper being opened, and at that time, I took my time to leave his study room.

I ran away frantically not knowing where should I go. I have forgotten the number of steps I should have taken.

I'm lost…

Suddenly an arm grabs my wrist and forcefully pulled me close. I thought that, someone was going to slap me or pushed me or something, but I never thought that someone pulled me into an embrace…and caressed my hairs.

This fragrance…

It was Kyouya…

"K-kyouya san?" I incidentally stuttered..I was surprised by his action. Why would he embrace me?

He shouldn't have done this.

"Are you idiot?" He suddenly whispered in my ears after a pregnant silent.

I didn't know what the answer should be.

"You almost fall from the stairs. Why would you run like that? You should be careful."

He was angry but at the same time his voice was filled with worry. He was worry about me. I never thought he would care about me…because I'm just a nuisance…

But, it was not..

He was being kind to me…

But he was supposed to hate me..

I can feel his lips smiling beside my neck while his hand was caressing my hairs tenderly.

Oh..this is bad…the back of my eyes is burning hot again…

The tears unintentionally flew down my cheeks and dampen his shoulder. I missed him so much..

And I want him so much..

How long does it take to make him hold me like this?

My hand was hesitating to move on to his back. Should I hold him back? What if Natsu saw this?

She undoubtedly will be angry as hell. But who cares.. It was once in a life time. It was always hers, but at this time, at this second, he was mine.

He is mine…

And I held him back with my tears perking endlessly. I doubt he can't feel my trembling hands around his body. I knew he does. He felt it.

But I guess, he just ignores it and continue embracing me tenderly since I was crying.

I felt secured and loved. For a moment, I think I can see him. I can see his figure…and his face…

A few seconds later, his hands fell down and he let me go slowly…

"Tsuna! There you are! We tried to search for you everywhere. Luckily, Kyouya found you!" Natsu said cheerfully as if she really was glad that she found me. She circled her hands around my arms and we walked together side by side.

"Are you okay, Tsuna?" She asked worriedly, probably looking at my already dried face.

For a moment, I was thankful that he let go of me before Natsu saw us. I never wanted to betray her just like what she did to me.

"I'm fine…Where are we going?" I asked blankly.

"Now, Let's eat!" Natsu said cheerfully and lead me down the stairs carefully while I was still trying to understand. I can sense Kyoya-san presence behind me walking slowly. Step by steps. I stared at the unknown questioningly. 'Didn't they just had their dinner just now?'

"We bought the things for dinner and we will make a barbeque tonight! Let's eat together." Kyouya-san said containing his strictness but soft while following us from behind.

And a smiled curled on my lips…

They cared for me…Kyouya-san cares for me.

XXXXXXXX

That night, I didn't know what brings Kyouya-san to act somewhat a bit caring towards me.

"Waa! This was EXTREME!" And he laughed loudly…

The BBQ was somewhat happening when Kyouya-san brought his never want to be - friend over to the house. And his friend brought his other friends to the house. That was Ryohei nii-san.

And the house was somewhat turning into a funfair with hot and spicy BBQ that night whereas, Natsu called her friends over and the place turning merrier...

I was completely blank that they were plotting a feast that night. I never could tell that both Kyouya-san and Natsu was trying to cheer me up.

And I was becoming selfish for thinking that they hate me…

I didn't even noticed when my heart is turning too sensitive like an old woman when I'm just in my twenties…

I want to cry again…I slid my palm on my face trying to wipe away those tears…

'What's wrong with me?'

_Why my heart did feels…painful…?_

It ached…and I can't breathe…my lungs felt stuck…and it's heavy…

This was the biggest happiest day in my life since I got blind…but it still feels empty…and I want to cry…

Maybe It's because..It's not the same anymore…

I'm happy..but it's not the same… I can't see their faces. Their new face…

_And I also can't see his smiles…_

…

The night was loud that it can be heard from the other block.

Kyouya-san rarely talks when we were gathering. I just heard him grunts and sighed when the others were loud.

I wonder what he looks like in his work attire while he was so tired to create this extravagant BBQ. And I know…he also hates gathering… It must be toxicated to see him in his condition right now; such a hardworking and wonderful man.

I wonder what he felt during this entire racket…with Ryohei nii-san loud voice and Kusakabe-san whimpering about the works and his wife was trying to take him for a tour for all her friends again… he must be feeling irritated at all of them and just cursing silently under his breath.

I found myself smiles at the thought before I turned feeling lonely all by myself.

They were all happy, while I just sit here silently…and alone; without any friends. Natsu gave me the orange juice but it had finished for a while…and I'm getting thirsty back…

Kyouko-chan and friends hug me tightly as if they had known me forever even though we just met for the first time that day. I didn't know if they really cared or truly empathy with me…but I really don't need their sympathy…

They hug me and kissed me on the cheek before they gone home.

And their wetness lips still lingers on my cheek…and this weird feeling are growing inside me..

Did I felt treasured…?

Hence, I decided to walk on my legs again to shook off this feelings and part of that was because my stomach was hurling for foods...again…

I took my steps carefully but as the titled clumsiness rewarded, I still stumbled on the pavements and my knees hurt…sorely.

"Are you okay?" A voice came from beside me.

"I-I'm okay…I'm alright." It was him again. I wonder why I would stammer when Kyouya-san was around me…

And my cheek blushed faintly in the night…

_I had thrown this sinful feelings away.. but why…why was it growing again?_

"You should ask when you want something herbivore…" He said deadpan and I was stunned and still feeling my rapid heartbeat.

He suddenly pulled my hands and put something on my palms.

"Here, I guess you're hungry." I just blinked at him...not knowing what to say. What can I say? I didn't even know what was he giving me..

He sigh boredom and I can hear he got up on his leg...

I thought he would just leave me, but no… He helped me to stand and brought me somewhere I feel hotter. The fragrance of the BBQ snug into my nose continuously stimulating my stomach even more...

How did he know that I want to make my BBQ myself…? Even Natsu had forgotten about me when she had her friends.

I turned to look at him with my un-reactive brown eyes; filled with grateful, if he can realize it.

"Don't look at me like that…Tsuna." He retorted silently, repressing his gentle voice.

I was surprised that he called me by my name…and I looked down again. feeling warm..

His warm palms suddenly were brushing against my hands and help me choose the fruits and the meat I want…

"This is chicken, and this is beef, and that side is fruits…which one would you like the most?"

I can feel his breath against my neck when he speak as he held my hands…and it's tempting to have his warm and sweating body brushing against mine…

His perfume was still there even though he had been dwelling with the BBQ since hours ago…It is blocking my senses.

My hands just followed whatever he made me do… Fillet the meats and the fruits… Grilling it..or whatever he does… He just leads me and I just followed…

Unconsciously, my brown eyes were staring at him while our hands was working together to grilled the chicken. I didn't know if he noticed that I am staring at him.

I can't see him and I wished I could…

My subconscious mind told me to touch him…

I really want to touch him… feel him…so that…

_I can remember him…_

The next thing I know, I realized he grip my hands tightly and forced me to eat. "Eat."

_What am I thinking…?_

"Thank you.." I fidgeted and smiled at myself and eat the foods I grilled by myself…with Kyouya-san…

I am happy…. I am truly happy at that moment…

It feels like he was my husband. Not Natsu's.

He took his seat beside me after he help me plopped on my seat…and I wonder why the place was so clear. Has everybody gone home?

"Where was Natsu?"

"We're the only here... Natsu had to send her friend's home since their car was broken suddenly…" He said lazily and sighed again.

I smiled silently… He sighed a lot tonight. He surely was tired as hell and wished he could sleep on rooftop tonight where nobody could disturb his peace.

The silent grew between us, and the sounds of the flickering flame were the only thing accompanied us.

My heart was throbbing faster than it already was. And my hands were colder than before. I wonder if he heard my heart beat.

I'm eating to my heart content to ignore my heart throbbing, and he was still silent. I didn't even know what he was doing.

"Do you want some Kyouya-san?" and I shoved that chicken I was eating to his mouth.

"I'm full already. Seeing you eat already makes me full." He repeats.

Suddenly, he wipes my lips with his thumb. I guessed it was the sauce and I bowed down frantically ashamed of myself.

"Thank you." My cheek was turning pink again.

Why do I feel there was some tension growing between us…I'm feeling confused.

What did he want…

"…"

"Tell me Tsuna…why do I feel like I have been waiting for you all this time?"

My heart suddenly stopped beating..He called me by my name.

And my lung was stuck again..

I was speechless…

_What did he mean…_

And I don't know what to do...

_What should I do…_

…..

_End of second chapter…_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

TBC…

R & R

Hint: What was in the piece of paper?


	4. Chapter 3- My darken future

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

_Continued from the last chapter…_

.

**THELOVE I HAD PART 3…**

**My darken future****.**

…

'…_If I haven't lie, I won't hurt like this…'_

'… _If I have kept our promises, it wouldn't end like this…'_

'… _If I have told the truth…I won't have to remember any of this…'_

'_But…I wished I could remember even if, it's …'_

"…"

"Tell me Tsuna…why do I feel like I have been waiting for you all this time?"

His words struck me like an arrow in the heart. I suddenly felt light headed and my head was throbbing painful. I can feel my bloods flowing fast and my pulse was rapidly pounding in nervousness. It feels like a knife on my neck, waiting for the time to die. I should have known this time would come sooner or later, but I don't expect _this _fast…

I can feel the tension between us were widen...He was locking his glares on me, certainly, waiting for my answer…and I shudder a bit.

I remained stunned and mostly remained silent when he voiced out his uncertainty. My feet were making scratching sounds on the grounds against the dried leaves which only revealed my uneasiness more. Without giving him my response, I frantically got up on my feet, "I need to get water." I was so harsh that the chair was knocked down. Even I was shocked by the loud bump but still remained calm face.

_I don't want him to suspect anything…_

"Why are you not answering me?"

He asked again but this time his tone was more threatening and venom…

I realized my whole being was tensed upon his menacing voice. My silence just intrigued him more for absolute answer and it hit me like a bolt from the blue...

I haven't prepared any answers for the moment…

_Because… I never thought that he would doubt his wife… _

My every sense was alerted. I suddenly lost my appetite and I felt the need to hide or run or disappear from there… I should go away from that place before he asked me for more, and I am afraid I can't give him what he wants… To give him the best answer.

_What should I do…?_

_How should I answer him?_

I was too shocked and I can't stand his intimidating voice or even have his body by my side. My fear is blinding my thought.

_I just can't._

He was silent for a moment, being considerate for me; giving me choices; time to escape…or answer him.

It just leads me to one answer, _just leave without reason_. One wrong answer can lead to disasters…and another lies just make us even more painful and I can't bear it...

_I am not so strong…and…I don't want to lie anymore..._

He might be asking it again and again until he gets the answers that satisfies him…but, as for me…his questions resonating in my ear as if… he wants to be with me instead of Natsu… and his words were giving me useless hopes…

_And it was torturing my heart…_

_Why didn't he just ignore me and live happily with Natsu… It would be easier for me like that._

However, a bit of my selfishness wants him to notice me…

Unconsciously, the latent feelings flared up again as an enormous feeling of wanting and hopes are growing inside me…even though I know it was pointless and stupid.

I don't care. I am stupid and I always know it. I am stupid for giving up on my love… I am stupid for giving a chance for Natsu…and I was stupid for believing my love would return. But still, I won't give up my hopes…and memories.

Deep in my heart, I want him to know it was me… I want him to know that he was wrong; I want him to know that I truly love him… and I want him to know…that I have been waiting for him, all this time…

'_All these times…I have suffered a lot…and always waiting for him to notice me.' _

My heart tightens after moments of happiness and then it was squeezing painfully…It feels wrong.

'_I just can't… He will hate me when I tell him…'_

My lung was stuck up and a bundle of words just curled at the edge of my lips and I can't say a thing. My eyes grew misty and I tried to blink it away. I can't tell a soul.

_I can't tell him._

_And it was killing me slowly from the inside…because it was too late to expose everything._

I can feel a knot in my stomach and I realized the back of my eyes already burning hot. My tears are welling up on my eye bed and my heart was squealing pain... I don't know if the spicy BBQ would cause tears and stomach ache…but I hope he would assumed it like that…

'_I don't want him to know. Please…he doesn't need to know…'_

I felt so distress and desperate…these feelings were tormenting me…

I feel like there's nothing left for me and I'm tired, more tired than I've ever felt in my life. I want him so bad that I felt my lies are pointless and useless…and it's tiring me.

_I don't want to lie anymore…_

I've tried everything to suppress my feelings, but nothing's worked. I am _at the end of my rope. _My feeling grows beyond the limit…and it can't be stopped.

I am too afraid and it's starting to scare me that he may start growing distant. How can I fix it ...if something like that does happen? As long as I remember, I am the one who always distant myself, I have never thought what I would feel if he distant himself…

Something clicked and my thought trailed off when I realized how cruel I have been…

'_What does he feel all this time, for what I did?'_

The venom feelings are running through my veins. The pain races through my heart. Ripping. Tearing. Cutting.

'_What have I done?'_ I didn't realize I have been hurting him.

And the tears streaming down my cheeks silently. The already dark world around me turning wet and lifeless. My knees give away as I cried my heart.

"What's wrong?" He catches me in his arms. His voice sounds worried and it makes me feel worse for being cruel towards him. _I lied to him…_

His hands went to my face and he cupped it gently, wiping out my tears with his thumbs despite of my unwillingness to tell him the truth. Despite of my selfishness…he still cares for me… despite of my insincerity…he still be with me…I felt loved and stared blankly into his steel blue eyes with a wistful expression on my face; leaning on his touch.

"Why are you so kind to me Kyouya-san? Why?! I can't forget you if you're treating me like this!" I accidentally weeping and hurried closing my mouth with my palm.

He must be shocked.

"Sorry, Kyouya-san. Just forget the thing that I ever said." And I tried to get up.

"…" but he was silence. His hands are still pressing my arms gently preventing me from getting up; as if he wants to relieve the grief in my heart.

How can he act as if nothing happens? Does he not hurt for everything I did? What will he do when he knew it? It's impossible that Kyouya Hibari could be so dense. He could have sensed it. He could have sense my feelings for him. He could have notice that I am that _stranger_…

_I am that girl…_

_I am Cielo.. The sky that enveloped your cloud._

_Please…notice me._

My body was rocking harder with each sobbing which faintly heard. I don't know what was I doing, but I find myself crying like a child in front of him. He cupped my cheek gently wiping my tears out, before taking me into his embrace. And I started crying on his chest.

"…."

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" I murmured again and again, reluctantly nudging against his wide chest.

"Don't cry." He whispered in one command, faint in my ear; stroking my back awkwardly.

Somehow I felt terrible with his every word, every action. 'Don't cry', means a lot to me. Why was he forgiving me? I'm not worthy to be forgiven. I did not deserve it…

'_I am the one at fault, Kyouya san…I lied to you. You're the victim of my selfishness. So, why are you..?!'_

And his questions were left out just like that…while I was crying silently, and his body warmed me up, making me calm…relief.

I always asked myself, why do I have to cry again and again whenever I met him? I should stay strong enough to overcome my _lies_…

…because, it doesn't matter about who was lying and who was not. This had just become the puzzle of my life since I had started it.

_I dig my own grave, and I had to endure it._

"Don't cry.." He patted my back again. And I smiled back at him without noticing what expression I was giving him.

Fortunately, Natsu came home a bit late that night and she didn't witness everything happened. If she saw Kyouya-san was hugging me twice in a day, she would be angry as hell and probably put me in the dungeon for life…until I die, naturally…

But that was when everything had started…I make grave mistakes on that day…

'…_If only I realized she saw us that night… I would have stops something…'_

'_And, that was my deepest regret…'_

…

…

TODAY…

…

"Tsuna!" Natsu's voice was ringing in my ear very cheerful this morning. And I was going to cook something.

"What's up…Natsu?" My voice was hoarse and not as energetic as hers'.

"What's wrong?"

"No..It's nothing… Just got a bit tired from yesterday.." I shook my head slowly denying her response. In reality, I haven't been able to sleep since yesterday BBQ. "Well, what did you need, Natsu?" I tried to smile a bit to avoid her suspicion.

"It's been day four since my hubby was home and I would like to bring you with us for a vacation."

I was startled and the spoon unintentionally fell off from my grips; I suddenly felt dizzy and weak. "W-what? Are you sure?" I hide my excitement, barely.

"Yeah! I am 101 percent sure! You don't have to keep shut in your room for a while, right?" She said excitedly and I can feel her warm sunset eyes were looking at me with cares which was so hard to be true.

"O-okay.." I smiled earnestly, trying to pick up my spoon in the darkness.

"Okay. See you later then! I need to work!" with that, she closed the door with a bump.

I kept smiling until the tomorrow comes. I can't believe that Natsu was the one to offer me to go for a vacation… and the most important thing is, Kyouya-san agreed too! And it was the most unbelievable things till I die.

'_Thanks Natsu..'_

"…"

I truly appreciate my sister's kindness. I didn't expect she was going to let me join her because, for as long as I remember, she hates me for being the same with her…even though she knew that us being a sibling was not my fault, neither it was mama's fault. But she despised me a lot since our childhood and I can never forget how she had treated me with her piercing sweet tooth until I found a way to be different than her.

_She is an outstanding actress...a cheap one who loves to live in lies… _

But…since I am blind… she rarely gotten angry or shunned me out. Does she have a change of heart? Does she really care for me? Or...maybe all of that were possible because she knew I can't do a thing when I am blind.

_She finds me pathetic._

And it was possible for her to do anything behind my back, since she had always been like that. She used her intelligence to mock me and shun me. So…it was hard for me to believe her.

Deep in my heart…I still have doubt in her sudden of affection and kindness. I am not a psychotic, but the blind me can sense that, she was laughing at me while I am suffering.

I could never tell how she looked like when she speaks to me. Probably she was making faces at me. Hating me...holding grudges at me…mocking me…but for now…I want to believe her.

_I will believe her and go on with my life just like I always do._

Because for as long as I know…she had cared for me ever since I woke up from my coma…And I heard that she had sacrifice many things when I was in coma, yet she didn't complain at all…

_For that, I am really thankful…Natsu._

…

…

_-flashback-_

"_Tsuna! Thank god, you're conscious! Doctor!"_

_I heard a girl was squealing in happiness and walk away from my side trying to find the doctor, while I was trying to figure out the consequences that I am in. I don't know why…but my body felt weak and my head was spinning every time I tried to sit up._

"_What's wrong with me?" I felt pain all over my body and I jerk a lot while I was trying to sit up and finally I failed and bumped on the bed hardly causing me more dizziness and I can felt my vein popping out on the neck. _

"_Don't. You should not force yourself."_

_Suddenly I felt my whole being stiffen upon hearing this familiar voice. My heart is practically pumping harder against my ribs. _

"_Your body is still adapting."_

'_I knew this voice.'_

_And his warm hands were touching me on the back...trying to cool me down…and he put a blanket on me to warm me up. I can feel my goose bumps. Anxiety and loved..._

"_K-Kyouya-san? I-is that you?"I was stuttered but still manage to ask him clearly. But I slipped using his nick name I used to call him back then when we were exchanging letters with each other. _

_I can feel my cheek was flushing hot under those bandages around my eyes when I realized I have been too excited to meet him more than meeting with my mother or my sister. And it was by then, I realized,…'why was my eyes being bandaged? I wished to see him..'_

"_You were just conscious for a few minutes, and now you abruptly want to sit up. That's stupid herbivore…I know you are stupid but not this stupid…your body had stiffened…" _

_And his words snapped me out from my own thought. 'Stiffened? What does he meant?' _

_I am surprised that I didn't get a whack on the head for calling his first name…and to find that he was there when I wakes up makes me happy than I ever imagine…and it was a warm hearted feeling. _

_I felt loved…but something was not right._

"_Hi-hibari-san…" and he just 'hn' me. _

"_When you said, my body was stiffened…how long have I been asleep..?" I don't why, but I tried my best to prevent my voice from vibrating. I am afraid to learn the actual thing which happens at that evening… _

_I am afraid…really afraid…_

_He just stayed silent and helped me drink my water…until I asked again..._

"_Why were my eyes bandaged? Did my face got burned or something?" I asked calmly but the tone was reduced and vibrating even more. He just grunts at me. I touched my face, my upper body and lower part and I felt a bit relief when I realized that I have no fractures on my limbs or body. I didn't have bandage on my body, so that means, I am alright._

"_You got many injuries, of course they were bandaged."_

"_Ah…right. You got that right Kyouya-san, no, I mean Hibari-san. But you still didn't answer my first question… How long have I been aslee –?"_

"_Tsuna!"_

_I nearly cursed when our conversation was interrupted by a voice who squealed my name, but I am alarmed; it was Natsu's._

"_Natsu. Is that you?" I asked monotone, slightly angry._

"_Yes, dear. The doctor will come and see you after this." And she was happy._

"_Yeah. Right." I felt irritated just because I can't hear anything from Kyouya Hibari. The truth…_

"_What's with your tone, Tsuna? Don't worry, you'll be just fine." Great! She thought I am worried of my conditions and she came closer and kissed my forehead which makes me stiffened on my bed. I don't know what reaction I should make as for weird, sudden, alien affection. She had never held me since we were kids, much less to kiss me on the head. _

_What was that?_

_It was unacceptable. _

_Did she purposely trying to show her kindness, showering me with her love in front of Kyouya-san?_

_My thought was filled with jealousy when suddenly a voice rang loudly from outside of my chamber._

"_Tsuna!"_

"_Ya-yamamoto!" I squealed a bit as he harshly pulled me in a tight hug._

"_Get off! Baseball-freak!" Gokudera came barking, and I was stuck in between them now, trying to release myself from their deathly hug and never ending argument._

"_Pest…" Hibari said grimly. "Get off and be quiet…" as Hibari-san said that, I can feel both of them distanced themselves from me, giving me a chance to breathe again. I chuckled lightly at Gokudera's soft grunts and Yamamoto sniffing loudly and laughed. _

_The three of us talk for hours, until Hibari-san and Natsu taking their leave, but neither of them told me about everything that happened and just talking nonsense which only makes me laugh my heart out. It feels like years have long gone since I am laughing like this. _

_Why did I have a feeling that all of them were hiding something from me? But the sick me didn't dare to ask for more…_

_When I asked about my condition, they firmly answered saying, 'don't worry! You'll be better soon!", and they just laugh to ease my feeling. But, truthfully, I had been really anxious and distressed when nobody was answering my question…_

'_What were they hiding from me? What was happening?'_

_Even when I was trying to ask Natsu, she immediately changed the topic or went home. It's just been a day I had been conscious but it seems better for me if I didn't get up. I didn't felt any better or appreciated. _

_Maybe she felt better without me around…_

_And I got a weird feeling when Kyouya-san was always there wherever she is. What in the world was happening? Why were they always together?! I kept asking myself because they didn't give me a chance to ask. Both of them always cut me down until I lost my will to ask. _

_I felt something gravely wrong is going on…and it was starting to scare me…_

…

…

"_Hye! Tsuna-chan? How are you today?" It's my doctor. Shamal sensei.. .Giving the name, I thought he was a shaman or something; but otherwise, he is a real pervert with very good skills as a doctor._

"_Oh..? I am alright." I flinched a bit at the dull sound of my voice. It was less energetic._

"_What's wrong? Your beautiful face doesn't match your dull voice you know. You should be lively!"_

_I forced myself to smile at him as an appreciation._

"_Don't worry, Tsuna-chan, everything is going to be fine." He said caringly. _

"_May I asked, doctor? What was the situation of my eyes? Apparently, I didn't felt any better right now. It's getting itchy and all. Can't you change it?"_

"_Ah..yes. we are going to change it today… according to the, schedule…haha…" He said nervously and suddenly fell silent. I frowned at him because I realized something was off in his tone. It's like, he was trying to lie to me…but, why was that?_

"_I am fine…right? Doctor?" I was starting to stutter in my speech._

"_Oh, yes, Tsuna-chan! Where were your sister and her to be husband?" I flinched, a bit confused. I know he wants to divert my worries towards my sister's issue, but I didn't know any of my sister is getting married. To whom? _

"_W-what do you mean, her husband?" I asked feeling confused. "I don't know any of it."_

"_Didn't she tell you? Hibari-san is her fiancée, and they were getting married next two weeks." He said happily while I was starting to get hick up and failing to breathe._

"_Hi-hibari…san?" My eyes go wide under that bandage. "He is getting married? I don't understand."_

"_What's wrong? Didn't she tell you? That's weird. She was really happy and all and they were preparing their marriage about a while now."_

_I was silent. I don't know what to think._

'_Kyouya-san is getting married? With Natsu? What's going on here? I don't get it!'_

"_Tsuna.."_

'_When did all of this happen?'_

"_Tsuna..chan?"_

'_I knew I was going to tell him that it was me who wrote him letters. And I want to tell him that Natsu was using my identity. But then..'_

"_Tsuna? Are you alright?"_

'_But, I failed…because I involved in an accident... No! This can't be happening!'_

"_Tsuna-chan? Tsuna!"_

'_NO! I can't accept this! NO!'_

"_Calm down! Tsuna-chan!"_

_I was oblivious to the surrounding. I could not hear any of Dr. Shamal words and instructions. The next thing I know, I was failing to breathe and my lung felt heavy and stuck. I can't breathe. _

"_Tsuna-chan! Take a deep breath!"_

'_Why can't my mind follow his instructions? Damn it. It hurt so much.'_

_I noticed some tingling in my arms and fingers, and my stomach too. My chest tightens and I can hear my lung is wheezing loudly. The pain seemed to rotate from left chest to right chest, and it was killing me – _

'_Am I going to die?' _

"_This is no good! Nurse! Bring me the pain killers!"_

_I feel like my heart stops pumping and it gets weak... the more I think of Kyouya and Natsu, the more serious it becomes. It won't go away. It was a painful sharp feeling and I can't shrug it off my mind. I find my world darkens. Hopes failing and my spirits were reduced so low. I feel so hopeless and found a dead end… It's the end…I could never find my happiness anymore or even tell him that it was me…told him that I loved him…_

'_Kyouya-san, I made it, Kyouya-san. I fulfill our promises…it was me, and I loved you. I really love you… I hope you forgive me…'_

_I could only imagine that I was telling him that day… and he was smiling warmly to me… even though it was just a smirk, I knew he was sincere towards me... And I know he would forgive me because, deep in his heart he will realized that I was the girl he love. He has been waiting for me… but sadly, I didn't manage it. I failed him…_

_I involved in an accident that day…and it was tragic…_

_It was becoming bad, because he didn't even know it was me who was going to meet him that day…_

_Why did these happening to me?_

_The beeping sounds turning louder but I can't think of anything. Everything was dark. _

_I could still smile just now, but can I smile again after this? I don't know…I really don't know…_

'_Kyouya-san…'_

_After a while, I felt a weird tingling sensation flowing through my vein. The pain killer is working out on me. _

'_What will happen to me?' _

'_Kyouya-san is leaving me… He was getting married, much less to my own blood… why did she do this to me? Why? Kyouya-san I still love you… I love you yet until now. Don't you still love me like you always wrote in your letter..? Kyouya-san…'_

_But it wasn't his fault. _

_He didn't know it was me. It was not his fault. _

_I got in accident and failed, it was not still his fault. _

_He didn't know that the girl who supposed to meet him that day was badly injured trying to fight with death.., still was not his fault…_

_He knows nothing. _

_Surely, he hated me for not fulfilling our promises. _

'_I'm sorry Kyouya-san..I'm sorry…' and the tear flowing down my eyes dampen my bandage. _

_It was her…_

'_Natsu,…why are you doing this to me? Tell me…'_

_And later, I feel light headed and falling into unconsciousness._

…

…

"_What happened to her that she turned like that?! She had no asthma and respiratory problem. So, what was the problem now?!" Natsu was being over exaggerated and over bearing towards the still unconscious me. But I guessed, I am a bit conscious since I can hear her shouting like that. _

_She was angry. Real angry.._

_Suddenly I heard some metal things fall onto the ground and apparently, Shamal sensei was shifting at his sit by the sound of his shoes. "About that – Tsuna-chan…" he suddenly stops talking._

"_What's wrong?" She asked sharply._

"_You didn't tell her of your wedding, no?"_

_Suddenly, another bumped on the wall was heard. A loud bump. I wonder what happened between them. _

"_Don't tell me. You told her?!"_

"_Why? Is it wrong?" He asked dead-pan._

"_It was supposed to be a secret! Kyouya and I, no, __**I **__didn't want her to know. I even forbid Kyouya from talking about us. Yet you..!" and she was sobbing…_

"_I'm sorry, Natsu…I thought she ought to know about you and him."_

"_No! She was not!"_

_He was sighing deeply taking his deep breath before he starts talking to her. I turned anxious and suddenly felt scared about the news to be heard. _

"_But, Natsu. You can't hide everything from her…She had the reason to know. What would you feel if she hides something from you?!"_

"_You can tell her other things! But not about my wedding! You don't know anything about us!" She was yelling and shouting but, she was still crying._

"_Okay. I will not know if you didn't tell me. What if she knew before I even told her?" He asked back. I was getting teary because it seems like Dr. Shamal was voting for me. _

'_What was the truth hidden from me..'_

"_Just now, Tsuna asked me about her eyes. Would you mind telling me how should I explain it?"_

_I flinched on my bed. 'My eyes… what's wrong?'_

"_I..I don't know…" I heard Natsu was becoming uneasy and worried. "I really don't know. I didn't expect her to wakes up at this time. I wished she would be conscious but inversely I really hope she won't wake up…"_

_At the end of her words, I suddenly felt sad and my heart was experiencing sharp pain. The tingling sensation rose into my veins, rushing to my head. My head was going to explode; angry. I ignore the dizziness and abruptly sit up on my bed._

"_What do you mean Natsu? What was wrong with my eyes?" I asked didn't realized the grim of my voice. It was deep and threatening. _

"_Tsu-tsuna?!" She was frighten and shocked._

"_Please rest Tsuna-chan." Dr. Shamal walks over to me and pressed my shoulder hard forcing me to sit._

_I slapped his hand harshly and abruptly stood up on my still weaken legs. "No. I deemed an explanation Natsu. What do you mean?" I asked her calmly but the grim was still there._

_She was silent._

"_What's wrong with my eyes?"_

"_Tsu-tsuna? It's nothing.."_

"_It's NOT'nothing'! I knew there was something hidden from me. You! My friends and even Kyouya-san! What's going on?!" I was being persistent and sharp. I knew I am being sarcastic and selfish at this time but I had to do this, or I will never learn the truth._

"_It's nothing." Natsu said again, refused to tell me anything._

"_TELL ME, Natsu!" I yelled loudly._

_There was no way I will sit shut like I knew nothing. It was my life! Not her! It was mine to decide and to know. I still am angry and shocked hearing about her wedding with Kyouya-san, but I want to hear everything directly from her petite poisonous mouth. I ought to know everything! And I am ready. I want to know everything!_

"_Shrug it off Natsu!" Suddenly, Dr. Shamal raised his voice towards Natsu and I can hear the draped of his shoes towards me..._

"_What? Don't Shamal!"She squealed horridly. _

"_Actually, Tsuna-chan…"_

"_Shamal, stop it!" I can hear Natsu was begging Dr. Shamal to stop but it seems like he was rejecting her. _

"_Tsuna..I hope you will relax."_

"_Don't worry..tell me…" It was hurt to hear him said that. I knew it was something really bad. So bad that he was afraid that I can't take it…_

"_Shamal!" and Natsu was already crying in my place first before he even said it. _

_My heart was beating faster and I am feeling anxiety._

"_We found that, your eyes are… malfunction…"_

_He stopped. And at that time, my heart stops beating too. "What do you mean doctor?"_

_He sighed again exasperatedly. "We had done everything that your sister asked, but unfortunately, your eyes had been damaged badly and now…it's totally damaged."_

"_What do you mean it was damaged?" I shouted out loud. I was too shocked and turning angry at the sudden unexpected news and I can't control it. All feelings just burst out. _

_He chose to be silent._

"_You are blind, Tsuna-chan…Is that what you want to say?! How do you know if I am blind or not if you're not opening my eyes! Now! Removed the bandage! I want to see it for myself!"_

_The doctor didn't make any movement or an attempt to remove the bandage. He gives me no hopes._

"_Why are you like this?! Please, remove this bandaged..!" My hands practically work on my face and tearing down the bandage but he was holding my hands tightly preventing me from removing the bandage by myself._

"_Don't! Tsuna…Please don't do this.." Now, it was Natsu who was begging me, clinging to my arms tightly. _

"_Move, Natsu." I said sternly. And she was crying her eyes out. _

'_Why does she need to be pretending? Would she just stop?!' _Here I am feeling annoyed, angry, hopeless, empty… I don't know what's going on in my head too…

"_I need you to calm down, Tsuna-chan. We will open it for you," He said softly, caressing my hands and ease my anxiety. I was impressed that he managed to make the enraged me to calm down. I guessed that's what he works as a doctor for._

"_Are you alright now, Tsuna-chan?" He said softly, and makes me settle comfortably and he was kneeling on his knee, hands still on mine, gently._

_I finally can feel my arms and face calm…a bit. And Natsu was distancing herself from me. _

"_Before I told you, I need to tell you something…"_

"_What was…?" I asked blankly. Apparently, I was anxious to know._

"_You had been sleeping serenely on this bed for over 6 months Tsuna-chan."_

"_6 months?! Are you kidding me?" 'It felt just like yesterday I had been crashed.'_

"_But, it was Tsuna-chan…You had been unconscious for those months and your sister had done everything to cure you."_

"_Is she?" I didn't have any feeling of thankful for her helps. Now, I just resent her. Hate her, with all my heart. _

"_She was, Tsuna-chan. She cared for you."_

"_I didn't think that was the problem." Both of them were silent at my sentences. The tension was growing high and intense. It seems, I had cut them off from convincing me, even Dr. Shamal didn't know how to retort back. "She was always…cared for me…" I can feel my voice was shuddering and vibrates. I tried to hold my tears aback. "…to show off to people…and used me...You don't know a thing doctor…" I took a deep breath. "So, you want me to believe that crap that easy? I don't care she cared for me or not. I always know she love me but not the way every other love each other."_

"_Tsuna..I'm sorry…" she said faintly from the corner of the room. I can hear she was sobbing but I couldn't care less about her. I just think about myself and myself only. _

_I just stayed silent and tried to ignore her._

"_Otherwise, Tsuna-chan, it was your sister idea to continue, bandaged your eyes. She knew you cannot accept this cruel fate, hence she asked me to always cover your eyes, so that, when you wake up, you won't be surprise."_

"_Huh? So I won't be surprised? But, I am surprised! You gave me hopes! Useless hope! When I asked you what happen, you said it's nothing. Don't you, Natsu?" I know she paled immediately at my venom words._

"…_and you doctor, you didn't even tell me about my condition. Yes, I am unconscious and thank you for treating me. I really appreciate it but can you hide this from me? I would rather know about this early! Not weeks later. I felt stupid for having hopes and dreams to look up again. You don't know how I felt under these bandaged. It has always torturing me! Day by day waiting anxiously for the time to look again, waiting for chances to look even if it was blur…I know that the probability was very thin, but you still said that, I am alright., I am fine., I can look again., Don't worry., That was all rubbish! You lied to me!" I can't hold my cries anymore, my eyes unconsciously shedding tears. I cried so hard that the cloth is wet. _

"…_and…I already sensed that there were many things going on… if the doctor didn't say anything." I was stuttered and starting to whimper a bit. "And it feels weird as no one never talked to me about my eyes. They just tried to make me laugh. And laugh.. I laughed stupidly. I am idiot."_

"_We didn't mean to – "_

"_But you did! You all did! Even Natsu! Gokudera! Yamamoto! Kyouya-san! They all lied to me! You too doctor! Everyone lie to me! You treated me like an idiot." I am wailing again, like a child losing his toys..._

"_I didn't do anything to all of you… But, why are you doing this to me?" My voice sounds so wistful and I cried in my palms. I didn't care anymore. I just want to cry._

"_I am sorry, Tsuna-chan…We are sorry…" He said softly, patting my hands and back probably staring sadly at me whose tears were trickling her face every time she closes her eyes. I am tired of crying…The marriage thing has not even fade, then, my blindness… How should I accept this? God, how? _

_Then, he held me closer in a tight embrace."We are sorry..Tsuna-chan…"and he kissed my forehead. _

"_Tsuna..I – " Natsu said trying to touch me._

"_Get lost Natsu…I don't want to be near you at this time. Give me, times…" And I heard a soft sobbing before the door was closed tightly and I nuzzle towards Dr Shamal. I felt guilty towards Natsu, but I can't think anything straight now. _

'_Sorry...Natsu…'_

_And I don't know how I should face the truth now…and my heart just keeps crying…_

…

_Who can ever except they were blind right after their morning?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

TBC…

R & R


	5. Chapter 4- The Lies They Lived In

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

…

Continued from the last chapter…

.

**THE LOVE I HAD PART 4…**

**The Lies They Lived In..**

Continue from last chapter…

…

I just stared the food in front of me blankly without emotion on my face, didn't even realized that a couple of tears have been trickling down my cheek throughout those pain memories. I shook my head several times to shove them off. At this moment, I tried to ignore the latent feelings that I've been forcing myself to shut down. I can't be sad. But, it seems the tears refused to stop.

"Have you eaten herbivore?" The sudden stern voice makes me startled and shrinks at my seat. "Looks like the food in front of you were untouched." I heard his footsteps are slowly coming towards me. How is he still here?! Shouldn't he go to his work early this morning?! I cursed myself for having tears and quickly wipe it out using the napkin regardless of its dirtiness due to the juice that I spilled earlier this morning.

"No more left for me this morning I see." His voice was louder since he _is_ in front of me, now.

"I..I don't know…if there were some more…in the kitchen." I retorted as my voice tone was reduced slowly that it was hardly could be heard by anyone else besides myself. I felt embarrassed; hopefully he didn't saw me with my tears just now. How many times have I cried in front of him?! And I finally pick up my own untouched plate of food and eat. He was still there, standing. "... So, I'm tired of you looking down on me like I'm the scum of the earth. Why don't you get the food yourself?" I bit my lips for saying things bravely like that. I am doomed.

"I see you are not eating. Why don't you just give it to me instead?" The next thing I found my spoon is missing; taken forcefully and the plate also gone. Damn, he took it from me. And that's right; he is angry. The chair was pulled out callously as he sat on it. "Do you cook it by yourself?"

"Ah? Yesss…" I answered lazily. "It's cold." I added. I was too busied reminiscent my memories that I didn't realize the breakfast in front of me had been cooling its own. What a shame.

"It's still edible...considering that it was you who made it." I doubt it was a compliment or he just mocking my skills. But still, I felt myself redden and shifted uneasily on my seat.

"No. Thanks. It's not, really…" and my stomach growling suddenly…I felt like leaving that place or dig my head under the ground like the ostrich. Oh, it's embarrassing.

And the sounds of the spoon suddenly stop. I guessed he was staring at me deeply with my behavior and firmly trying to knock me down with his sharp words. "Here. I have had enough." He pushed the plate to me again and put the spoon in my grips again. I blinked blankly. "Thanks for the food anyway."

And later, I heard he starts his car and he was gone.

I was back alone in this big apartment of his and took the plate with the left out fried rice in front of me slowly. I can't believe myself that I have a small talk with him just now and he didn't even sounds like he despised my presence. Yesterday, I was crying in his arms and now, he was showing me his kindness. Is he trying to cheer me up and make up for yesterday? It was awful yesterday since it had become awkward after a while and he suddenly left me alone in the garden.

I smiled at the thought and take a spoon of the breakfast to shut my growling stomach and flinched at the taste. It does taste good. And I ate it to my content. Kyouya-san didn't eat too much after all and I'm glad that my cooking can filled his empty stomach. It was then, I realized something vaguely forgotten…

'Did I just had indirect kissed with Kyouya-san?"

And my cheek blushed at the thought.

…

…

_KYOUYA HIBARI'S POV._

…

Natsu had suddenly force me to bring the two of them to the main house in Namimori Island, but still, I can't afford to bring both of them inside my house. Plus, it wasn't even the place I ever wished to stay since it buries a lot of memories. But perhaps, I should change my mind, since Vindice group is at that island right now. It wasn't too hard to find them in such a small island. And all I can think is about to track them right now.

Then, suddenly there was a knock on my door.

"…"

"Kyou-san, our team had found the trail of Vindice.." said one of my man as he step inside the office and stand next to me, his eyes staring at the stupor face of mine since I didn't said anything in reply. I just keep spacing out to the window without even blinking and busy rolling down my sleeves. "We believe that our pursuit is in Namimori Island."

I didn't even look up. _This_, make me mad. Why did I have the information faster than my man? Don't they do their job?

"Kyou-san? Are you alright?"

Still, I didn't say anything. But the amused smirk was evident on my face; even I didn't realize it. I eventually stood up when he keeps calling out my name and seriously, it turns to be annoying. "Kazukabe..!" I called out strictly; and the vibrant of happiness shown on his face as I gave attention to him.

"I'll be going for now. Just manage everything by yourself." And with that, I left, leaving the puzzled Kazukabe all alone. Apparently, he wasn't sure if I even heard everything that he reported just now and just slump his body to the chair with a loud huffed. He was lucky that I was already outside; or I just will beat him to death for using my chair.

I quickly slid my phone open and texted the messages to Natsu; telling her that we are going…but, I ended up closed the phone without even texting. I know she would not reply.. or will she? Because, she said she won't reply my text or calls today since she had meeting.

I keep strolling on the side road in my black suits while my mind keeps repeating the scene with that weak herbivore, Tsunayoshi Sawada. I can't get rid of her from my mind.

But, I always felt irritated just by her presence.

I detest her. A LOT. Her behavior was despicable, her clumsiness, and I hate to see her stupidity and lousiness. Mainly, because she was a real looser in everything she did. I never thought that there would be one human being who could be _that_ much looser. But now, I was impressed that I manage to meet one.

I became even more confused when she started to change the way I live my life. I despise her behavior but still, I don't hate her. I didn't even reject her. I wonder why was this kind of girl could make such big changes in my personality and make me miserable. She was only one insignificant herbivore and an idiot who could just waste my time and energy.

Even though I spent my times with Natsu, but it feels empty when she was not around. It was unrealistic of me because I said I love Natsu but I always know that I am so full with myself to admit that I felt distanced; I still want Tsunayoshi to be there with us. I didn't realize that everything I had done was turning to be excuses to meet her.

I felt strangely happy and felt some kind of relief inside my heart when I got to see her and even I, thought it was absurd. But, without realizing it, I was hoping to see her more and more often.

It was the same right now. I agreed to leave for vacation just because that stupid will be going together with us. Or…should I say it was I who prompt Natsu to bring Tsunayoshi Sawada alongside us and I used her blindness as an excuse. The fact is,…I can't leave her alone. Not ever.

Since when did I become such a thick skin?

Since when did I let this strange warm feeling growing inside me?

Everything was against my norms, and it's awkward.

And the fact I want to resist Tsunayoshi Sawada so much was most likely because, I felt restless and agitated if I see her, and I'm afraid that my feelings will overflow.

And the other reason was mainly because; my love for Natsu was like a thin air…I can't feel her. I said I love Natsu, but that was most probably the wrong side of me…It was an act of me…

I can't love her to my heart content…

…

PAST DAYS..(when Tsuna still have her vision)

_KYOUYA HIBARI'S POV-FLASHBACK-_

…

"Kyouya, since we will meet every single day, there is no need for us to write letters anymore, right?" She asked softly staring into my eyes while cupping my cheek tenderly. I can see that she was already head over heels on me and my heart stirs when she sent me her seductive sunset stares into my steel blue orbs.

'Is this what we called love?'

"Hn ." I sighed lightly and awkwardly, trying to force a smile on my face, but failed clearly when she laughed at me. I was irritated but I just ignore her.

…

We were happy, and every day had been like that, I didn't write her letters anymore and so do her. But something feels out of place and empty. I wonder what this emptiness was. I became restless and grew antsy. I sat on my 'boss seat', idly swinging my pen back and forth, staring at the blank paper in front of me. I want to write something, but I don't know what I should write for her. Usually, it was her who initiated it and soon I will follows. But now, I don't know… It feels odd to be the initiator.

My heart was empty even though I have everything now; a job with good salary, place to live and someone to love, but something is still missing. I felt nothing without letters from Natsu. It feels odd. Even though I meet her twice a month, it was still not enough. Meeting with her can't bury the hole inside my heart.

When I think about it, since we have been dating for almost 6 months, we both immediately stop sending letters. But, unconsciously, I was always waiting for my letters every day even though I know there will be no more letters from her.

I thought there was no need to write letters anymore since we're dating; but I was wrong… I was, deadly wrong. I only felt love when I read her letters and now, it almost as if nothing. I end up going for outstation purposely and doing too much overtime just to avoid this unknown feeling; without realizing it, I already make a distance with Natsu. I kept pondering myself with the difference between love in letter and my love when I have her in front of me. But there was certainly distinct difference between both situations; undoubtedly, I love the Natsu who wrote letter then her own self. But I don't get it… Why am I like this? Was I only in love with her letter?

Even though, I sent her a message, she wouldn't reply me and it makes me angry for the long waits. I felt like a stupid though, I can't stand it. So, it's better for me to stop messaging her. I don't know how should I blend my thought with this matter and I decided to just forget about it.

It doesn't matter if I really love her or not; as long as I know she really loves me. It was a something that does not worth my attention since we were getting married. Everything will be fine.

Yup, that was. I thought everything was going to be fine.

But, by a quirk of fate, my house was visited by a ponytailed girl again after months have passed. I still remembered this Chinese little girl complexion, but since years have passed, she had grown up gracefully that I didn't notice her at first glance. I gave her cold stare, but she bowed her head with reddened cheeks. I wonder what was wrong with her; was she sick? But later, my uncertainty was proven when she gave me a letter. An orange envelope was sent to me all of sudden; like the old times...not by the postman but through the now big little girl named I-pin.

I don't know what I should act first. It have been almost a year, I haven't received this kind of envelope; an orange envelope to be exact. It was from her; my sky! Why did Natsu sent me letter all of sudden? Did she miss me? It was possible, because both of us had been working outstation for 2 months already. My uncertainty grew as I took the parcel from the trembling hands. Before I got to say thanks, the Chinese girl ran away with pink cheek. I wonder what was wrong with her.

I don't know how to express my feelings. I was really excited when I received the letter but I put on my stern face to avoid suspicious until all passerbies ran away from my house with pinkish cheek. I don't get it; what makes them looked like that? But since Kyouya Hibari wasn't supposed to show off his feeling, I was glad everybody left immediately. I roughly slipped my hands into the envelope and read it. My heart beating against my chest crazily again like the old times; I was too excited to read the content.

'_Dearest __Kyouya-san__, I miss you. Why didn't you send me letter anymore? Did you meet someone else you fancy? You dare not even telling me who the lucky girl was. Silly. _'

-Cielo-

My heart stops beating at the moment I read the letter. '_I miss you, Why didn't you send me letter anymore?' and the date was a month ago. _

Why was she saying it like that? Wasn't it her who did not reply my messages? What was wrong with Natsu?!

Her short letter sends a hard blow to me. Why is she writing like that? It's been so long and now she was like blaming me.

'_Did you meet someone else you fancy? You dare not even telling me who the lucky girl was..'_

Oddly, she asked me like she doesn't know me. At first, I thought Natsu was testing my loyalty, but she was not. When I recall back, it was the same timeframe when Cielo had not writing to me. My heart skips a beat at the truth revelation.

_I found out, something was off… This is all wrong! What the hell am I doing right now?! _

Natsu wasn't sending me letters not because we're dating, but simply because it was not hers' to begin with; she was not _my Cielo_. She didn't get my letters… She also didn't even share that small happiness we had.

It was someone else who has always wrote me letters. It can't be...

'Was she lying to me all this time? Did she really lie to me?'

'_How dare she betray my faith?'_

I could care less about Natsu. Abruptly, I felt a pain in my gut I'd never felt before. It's more than having my 'Namimori' destroyed. Like my head was going to explode out of rage. I just felt anger rising and my bloods pumping up to my head and waiting to explode. I regret that I didn't bother to know the truth earlier. Everything was already too late when I learned about her lies. We're dating for almost 6 months! For god sake! How can I redo this love?!

She loves me…but to cheat on me…just unimaginable. I can't believe this..!

I should have make confirmation earlier about the girl I'm writing too. Even though I rarely asked her out, but half year had passed. How can I be such an ignorant?

Six months wasn't a short period. I am nearly burst a blood vessel when I learned the truth; not from her mouth to top off it. I was insane; completely irrational. All I think about was to kill her; but to think that I would actually murder her makes me mad. Instead, I should ask her directly to find out the truth. It wasn't my style to hide my anger, but the urge to kill my own lover just because of misunderstanding was too much too endure.

I drove my car in madness with messy hair and loosen tie; luckily I didn't crash the other car. I tried to ease this sharp pain on my chest but it was beyond cure. It really hurts. _Is this the feelings of being betrayed?_ That's why I hate trusting other people than myself. I had never known how it feels until I fell for her. I really did fell for her, and her letter. But now, I don't know what was right anymore. It's complicated…and now I felt regret and sorry for myself. I can't accept that she lied behind my back.

Is this how she reciprocates my love? Is this how a love should be?

I can't accept this humiliation.

This madness; I tried to endure it but I feel like an enrage cloud waiting to turned into a hurricane.

….

I went to her house knocking on the door violently. "NATSU! NATSU!" Yelling her name. Then, the door was opened slowly from the inside.

But to my surprise, it was not Natsu, but her sister, Tsunayoshi with her swollen red eyes. She didn't open the door for me but just glance at me from the small opening. "I'm afraid I can't let you in with your condition right now, Kyouya Hibari -san." She said to me strictly while throwing dagger glares at me.

"I'm sorry for my rudeness, but I need to see her now..!" I forced opened the door and budge in inside. I didn't bother to push the door slowly until I saw Natsu's younger sister was knocked down to the floor.

"You can't!" I heard her squealing behind my back while trying to sitting up and stretched out her hands blocking my way.

"What's the problem with you?" I asked her in my venom voice. It makes my heart boils when she was interfering in my problems.

"Everything about my sister would be my problem! I can't let you meet her!"

"To hell, Tsunayoshi Sawada. I don't need you! I need to see Natsu!" I abruptly shoved her small body frame out off my sight until her head bumped to the wall. I can feel my legs unconsciously turning back to get her but my movement stops when I heard her squeaking in pain faintly. I was shocked that I pushed her too strong but I couldn't care about her safety too... It was unintentional; I feel sorry for her, but I can't think anything straight right now. I can't stop my enrage heart. Hence, I left her alone and walked ahead boldly while gritted my teeth; I just see red in front of me.

I was unaware of my surrounding until I felt warm breathe against my solid back. Sawada Tsunayoshi pulled me backwards into a tight embrace holding me off from going upstairs. I can feel her body was trembling on my back but she was still insisting to block me.

"Please. Don't! Just vent your anger on me! I'm willing too – !"

"Why? Tell me." I cut her off abruptly, glaring mad at her. Her brown eyes were filled with determination but I can sense her spirit was sinking when I gave her cold stare. "You talked as if you know what happened between both of us. Now speak the truth." I deemed an answer. I didn't realize I was clutching her wrist so hard that it makes a clear visible red handprint around her wrist. She squints in pain but her eyes were still full with determination. And out of pity, I let go her small hands.

"Tell me, Hibari-san, why are you acting like this?" She asked me calmly with her widen eye piercing into my cold stare, but I can sense the sadness hidden in her soft voice. She was desperate to stop me, and I was desperate to know the truth... and someone was desperate to hide herself.

"I just found out that she lied to me." I barely hide my enrage breath sound and gave her my letter roughly. My lungs were heaving up and down. I was still trying to calm down while looking into her pain looking brown eyes.

"Forgive her." She whispered slowly and I was speechless when she said it calmly.

"It wasn't her fault.. Please forgive her… She meant no harm. She truly loves you. She loves you.."

"Nonsense." I was surprised that she knows about the letter. Certainly, there were no secret between them. I was rude towards Natsu's sister and my eyes darted away from her to the door frame. It wasn't my intention to be rude towards her but my madness makes it happened. I'm wondering why Tsunayoshi Sawada would do so much for her sister. I really don't understand.

"Please Hibari san…believe me. She did all this things because she loves you! Her love for you wasn't a lie. Believe me!" I shrugged off when she was trying to convince me that Natsu is a good person, no, maybe she was but not anymore. But that's what all siblings do to protect one another. I can't believe her.

"I'm going up." I said sternly.

But she hugged me tightly from behind blocking my movement again. "No! Please don't go upstairs! Don't break her heart Kyouya-san, no. Hi-hibari san.. Please forgive her!"

Her tears makes me fell silent and stop raging; the only thing accompany us was the sound of the clock ticking. I can feel my back was already wet from her tears, hence I turned around and took a good look of her face and I was speechless when I saw her grievances for my action. Somehow my unbending heart was bent by her honesty. Seeing her cry makes my heart feel uneasy and agitated.

'Why was her cry making me uneasy?'

"Please, don't break her heart." She held my hand and her face frowning in pain. "I know you're angry Hibari-san. I know she lied to you, but I believe there was a reason behind all of this. I'm sure of it."

'Why does this person crying over someone like Natsu? Why?'

"Please Kyouya-san, let her explain when she felt like it. There were so sure reasons behind all of these."

'Why was she asking forgiveness instead of her sister?'

"I believe she really loves you... So, don't let your anger destroys your relationship, Kyouya-san."

'Why was she being too faithful at her sister? Was Natsu really loves me? I'm afraid that, our relationship was already breaking into pieces…'

'… I can't forgive her…since… she betrayed me first.'

"Let me talked to her, then you'll have time to cool down your head before you make decision."

'Why was this person being too considerate of me and Natsu. It wasn't even her problem, and I loathe her devotion for her sister…a lot.'

'I hate it.'

"Kyouya-san, do you heard me?"

I took a deep breath and locking my steel blue eyes on her sunsets'.

"Please take good care of my sister…she loves you…truly loves you…" she whispered softly in my ear as she pulled me in a hug. I was totally shocked at her sudden affectionate movement. The moment, I feel helpless and betrayed, her warm embrace makes me feel love and cared; I can feel the love she has for me…

Right this moment, it wasn't Natsu who bothers me, but the person in front of me; Tsunayoshi Sawada.

Why was my heart feeling such disturbance? Her words always pierced deeply into my heart and make me stunned. Odd enough, I took her words; I took this weak herbivore's advice.

"You must believe her…" She cupped my cheek gently and surprisingly, I didn't avoid it; as if I have wanted someone to cure my heart. "Kyouya-san...don't doubt her...don't doubt your love… That way…you can find happiness…" Her voice was hoarse and slightly trembling as she was speaking to me; but her hands was still warm and invited on my cheek. She was not nervous…so, was she sad?

"You both love each other…"

There were something wrong slipped in those sentences. Loving each other? …wasn't that what I want to hear? But hearing it from her mouth seems cynical and it pains me…deeply. 'Does she really love me Tsunayoshi? Does she? Can I believe your words? If she loves me, she would have told me months before, but why does she needs to humiliate me like this?'

My uncertainty was stuck in my throat. I believe, she had heard from Natsu that I even proposed Natsu. But, I wonder why she looked very sad like someone had died as her eyes staring into my steel blue eyes. It was supposed to be happy news, but her face looks gloomy and pale which makes me feel worst.

Why did she stare into my eyes like that? Her brown eyes filled with tears and her cheeks looked damp like she just cried before I walk in. Did she cry for her sister? No, I don't think so… so…

'Did you cry for me?'

"I know you are in pain…Kyouya-san…"

My eyes go wide when she said that. Her hands practically work on to my cheek and she caressed them gently as if easing my pain, while her round sad brown eyes were turning crystals as she was talking to me, and the hot tears trickling down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Kyouya-san. I didn't mean to look feeble in front of you." She let go off my cheek and wipe off her tears with her sleeves, chuckled lightly to divert my attention.

But, it was not enough. My heart experienced unimaginable sharp pain. Not from the betrayal, not from the lies, but from the honesty and kindness of this herbivore.

My hand unconsciously moved to her teary chubby cheek. I can see her eyes widen in shocked at my strange behavior. She must be thinking why in the world I am touching her. I could care less; even I myself didn't know what was wrong with me. My hands automatically were caressing her cheek emotionally. I feel like I should have done it long before.

The only thing I knew is…

I can't see her cry. I just realize her cries makes my heart sting...And I hate to feel this 'thing'. Why?

My thumbs circling on her cheek as I wipe her tears, and she flinched at it. Her cheeks…it is…soft… and I blushed at the thought. "Are you crying for me, Tsunayoshi?"

She was silent and didn't look up.

"Then, are you sympathy with me?" My voice was turning serious at the end of my words. I felt anger rising and that was because I hate being sympathized. If she was sympathized with me, she should just go to hell with her sister.

I don't need sympathy.

"No, it's because I…this is sad. I know you're in pain."

'Yes, I am. My heart feels like it is being sliced seeing _you_ like this. Hurting you like this. Care to explain why I felt like this towards you? What spell have you cast on me?'

"But I love my sister…"

'I don't understand. Here you are crying in front of me but keeps babbling about your sister. Don't you know how annoyed I am right now? Don't you sense that I am irritated?'

"I can't see her in pain! If she was sad, it would pain me, a lot. I don't want her to be sad. Please take good care of her Kyouya-san. Forget about the person you have been contacting and just look at her. Don't look out at other people. Please, Kyouya-san."

'My heart was stabbed again. How did she know about me and the third person?'

"You didn't even affected by this Kyouya-san. But she really loves you… She knew it was not her place, and yet she keep pretending. It wasn't easy for her too. Do you ever think about how she felt inside when you are gleaming with happiness when you talked about her letter?"

Again, her words make me stunned… for a countless time.

"I can't forgive liars! I'll bite them to death!"

"YES! It's true it was not hers' but you didn't bother to find out the truth! You're supposed to know it!" Her body was shaking when she said them.

I can see her tears dripping on the tiles as her face looked down to the floor. But now I felt nothing, just feeling irritated at this herbivore.

"You're supposed to realize it was not hers'! But you don't! You are just too full of yourself! You think of the letter as nothing! You didn't bother to know her through other things and keeps waiting for the letter! "

She was yelling at me like a child on behalf her sister. Is this what it's all about? She cried because of her sister? Is her love for her sister that strong? She tried to confused me, making me understand and realized that it was not her sister's fault and then blame me?

How absurd this was. I huff a disgruntled sound and ran a hand on my thick hair. This was totally ridiculous!

"Now, are you telling me to just accept what she have done?!"

"That's not what I meant! I just want you to forgive her and think clearly about your own fault before you accused her. We are humans and we always make mistakes. We just have to go on… she needs to go on. It is…wrong for her to used the letter… But now think about the problem on your side. You are supposed to realize…her lies…" Her face was closed by her long bangs, and her voice was going low... "If you had sensed it earlier, it would be easier for her, easier for you, and you and my sister won't be getting married…it kills her to think about you leaving her and go to the other girl. That's why she was silent, all the time. She realized her mistakes, but she had no guts to tell you the truth."

I just stayed silent and processing everything she said. There was something puzzling in my head.

"I'm sorry that I said too much. It wasn't my place to interfere in your affairs. But I can't let you scold her just like that…because I know, you won't listen, and just thinking about 'to beat her to death'."

I was struck speechless, again. This person acts as if she had known me for a long time. It _was _my intention to beat Natsu to death. Half of it is true…

"Please think about it Hibari-san…" and she steps away from me and my hands fell off from her shoulder.

Is this how it should be?

She was about to go upstairs and I am hoping for her to turn back.

"She really loves you." she did turning back, just to emphasize her sister's love once again which only annoys me.

But that wasn't enough for me. My heart still feels unsettled. The thing is, is not what I want to hear! There was something incomplete. Something that I don't know myself.

It seems to me that she was really angry at me. She was like complaining everything to me; accusing me. 'Did you really talk in your sister's place? Because it sounds to me, like you're telling me about your own feeling…Is that your true feeling, Tsunayoshi?'

Not long after that, I was stagger to hear the gentle voice of Nana-san who just came home with groceries in her arms. I instantly help her to pick up her groceries before I took my leave.

"Are you meeting with Natsu?"

"Ah..yes. But she wasn't around. So, I'll be coming back later. Goodbye then, Nana-san." I don't want to make a scene in front of my supposed to be mother in law. I really don't want to disgrace her.

"Wait! Kyouya-kun! Tsu-kun asked me to give you this. She said you would love it." She said as she hand me a bird, a small bird with a bronze cage.

"She asked you to give me this?"

"Yes!" and she beamed a smile on her clear face. How sad it was. She doesn't know the quarrel we had just now. If she had known it, she must be disappointed with the three of us.

'Why are you giving me this, Tsunayoshi?'

"Kyouya-kun? Are you alright? Are you thinking of Natsu? Or Tsu-kun?" She was teasing me.

I swayed for a moment. Damn it. This bird makes me space out. "No. I was just thankful. So then, I'll take my leave. I have to work outstation again tonight. I just want to tell her that."

"Oh, I will send her the message. Don't worry about that. She'll be fine. You must take good care of your health too Kyouya-kun, you seems pale a bit. What more, the groom should be healthier!" She smiled earnestly, but I felt sorry for her. She knows nothing and yet she put a high hopes on her elder daughter…and in me...

'What have we done Natsu? We did something gravely wrong. And we can't turn back…'

I looked at her hazel eyes intensely which reminding me of that herbivore's eyes…that I didn't realize I had been staring at her for a few minutes with a solemn face. I can't believe I showed her, my sadness, my heart.

Suddenly, she pulled me in a hug and caressed my back head softly. It's been so long since I taste a mother's love. Is this what you feel when a mother hold you when you're in misery? The feeling of happiness and calm? And I instinctively hug her back even though I feel awkward.

"Take good care of my daughters." She said calmly in my ears. "I know they are troublesome…such a child they are…but since you came in our family, they have become a happy child. I hope they will always be..."

She ended her talked at the end by patting my back, eyes filled with tears. "You are a wise man, Kyouya-kun." She said something that really needs my attention but I do not notice by then, about her message she tried to tell me at that time… and I was forcing a smile on my dead pan face. I am annoyed at that time because she was treating me like a small child; but I just ignore it and walked out the door. I forgave her, because she is a mother.

Strangely, another sad smile curved on my lips.

' Tsunayoshi, if this was all about the third person, I really need to see her.'

_I need to tell her something…about my feelings… and end this confusion._

…

…

-END OF FLASHBACK-

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AUTHOR'S NOTE: It tried to make it all possible and rearrange some things here and there. So…did you all realize it? Kyouya's POV from the past was the continuation story of Tsuna's POV in chapter 2 when she sent the later in the fifth month, where she said they were living hell.

HINT: In the end Kyouya already know, he was cheated from before their wed. So, why were they married?!

-Please do R&R -


	6. Chapter 5-Goodbye Cielo

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

Continued from the last chapter…

**THELOVE I HAD PART 5…**

**Goodbye Cielo…**

_KYOUYA HIBARI POV –STILL IN FLASHBACK-_

…

'_I need to see you.' –Kyouya-_

'_Why do you need to meet me? Is there a problem?' Cielo- _

'_Yes, and it's our problem. I need to settle it. Can you come and meet me at the shrine?' Kyouya-_

'_Can't we just settle it here?' – Cielo-_

'_No. because we need to talk..' - Kyouya-_

…

I sent my letter, but it was useless. She doesn't reply since then. I have been waiting for her answer and till then, I have been avoiding Natsu knowingly that she is my fiancé. In contrary, I keep sending Cielo my letters even though I know she will not reply.

But, somewhere inside my heart I felt relief when Cielo didn't cling on me. She wrote as if we were best buddies, and I am glad. If she clings on to me, I don't how I should explain to her. My explanations will just be another excuse for her. Will she forgive me?

But, I guessed it was alright, since we have lost contact. By this time, I can't even remember the last time I wrote for her. Not even once I told Natsu about her. Not once.

I kissed Natsu when I thought she was the one I love. It was my mistakes. My first ever mistake to top off it. I had never done any mistakes in my life but how did I mistaken in love? I thought she was the stranger I had been writing letters to and I was too hasty and took her lips.

I can't even remember how all of those things happened; its' like I have been enchanted or bewitched by her. But the question is; do I love her? Have I been confused with my own feelings? Do I really love her?

I think it was love, because I was ready to marry her.

That was, until I discover the truth…

…

…

It was about a month since I have been engaging myself with outdoor activities and outstation. Definitely, she found it hard to meet me at her hometown any more…and even Nana-san was worried about me. There were times when I was sick thinking about this matter too seriously. It must be severe if I was behaving like this. I don't understand myself either…

It was all because I want to stay away from her. I want to be away from her.

"_Kyouya…please answer the phone. I really need to meet you. Please…" Beep. You have 45 other messages._

I ended the voice mail…and continue drying my wet hair. I just came home after a month had passed and it's been a while since I have forgotten all about Natsu. However, I have to keep my ears open for other voice mails since it might be important.

"_Kyouya…please forgive me...I beg you…please forgive me…" A_gain, it was Natsu. It was clear thatNatsu was crying on the phone and her voice was so slow and weak; unfortunately, I hardly feel anything for her. She must be sulking for whole month since I refused to meet her. I felt sorry for her, but this heart is still bleeding and I still can't accept her...

"_Kyouya…I love you…I really love you…" She was still crying. "I didn't mean to lie to you. I'm sorry…Please forgives me…" _Beep!

Did she think that my heart would waver if she said those words thousand times? I took deep breaths as I heard her weak voice again and again over the phone. I tried to ignore her, but the more I tried, this feeling was becoming a lot heavier to carry. I can feel myself choked at my own doing.

It would be; I had truly had grown to like her as to make her my bride…but she was not my _Cielo_…And yet until now, I can still feel her presence right beside me as I heard her voice over the phone. Just then, I realized, I can't deny my own feelings... Even though she was lying to me, but the love we had grown together was true.

I still have feelings for her…

But we both know it was not true… Our love was filled with lies…She filled my head with lies… all that mattered her was her feeling…not even once she thought of mine… Can I still forgive her?

_Do I still love her…?_

I grew bored as I keep pressing the button for voice mails until I heard something different, other than Natsu's voice.

"_Hi-hibari-san…" _It was Tsunayoshi, and I suddenly am excited to know._ "I'm sorry for disturbing you. I know you're busy and such…." _She was silent and that intrigued me more, forgotten that I was busying myself with the french toast.

"_Can't you meet Natsu? She was going crazy as you're hearing this mail. Please go meet her and settle everything… She have been ditching works and doing such things she never did before…Please take a look on her. I'm worried about her… I did everything I can, but she was still like that… Like I have said before, don't be rush. Think about your words clearly before you spit it out. Both of you need to settle down in good way. Perhaps, I will not forgive you if you ever hurt my sister. That's all. She loves you…so please consider her feeling for you… We all love you."_

My heart was turning warm the second I heard her soft voice over the phone but as soon as I heard the content, I am feeling annoyed all over again. Hence, I just ignored the phone and get the television. Perhaps the show tonight could get me better. I am still wandering what makes me feel annoyed hearing her saying things like that.

Just when I settled myself on the sofa, my doorbell rings and I cursed slightly under my breath. Who the hell was interrupting my rest? I lazily dragged my foot to the door mumbling and by the quirk of fate again, Natsu was standing there in front of me even though I don't want to see her right now. I really wished I don't have to see her now and then.

As if knowing what my reaction would be, she slipped her hands within the door which made me stop closing the door immediately. Luckily she didn't lose her fingers. Like I would care even if she loses her fingers; no, of course not.

I kept my hands folded against my chest, my eyes glaring mad at her way. I can see her eyes digging down to the floor; hopefully engulfing the sense of guilty for lying to me. There's nothing like the Natsu I know who was sitting in front of me. Her dressed were not so tidy, she had pale complexion, sunken eyes and the eyebags, and somewhat thinner than before; certainly it was a whole new person in front of me. No wonder Tsunayoshi had been so worried about her sister. A bit of my heart started to feel sorry for her but nothing can ease my anger; for me, justice should be upheld, no matter who it was.

She was silent for a while until I started the conversation.

"Why?" I asked her grimly in a slow voice.

She was startled when she sensed my angered and began to open her mouth slightly.

"I..I am so-sorry." She was stuttered, and I look at her in disbelief.

"Tell me Natsu, what else have you lie to me?" and she was like an empty shell, looking at me with her blank face; but it was her silent and that flared me up. It was like putting a fuel on fire.

"Why haven't you admit or tells me that it wasn't you who wrote the letter?" She was still silent. "Do you take me as an idiot? Do you look down on me?" I smirk cynically. "Indeed. You did make me an idiot for the least."

"No. Kyouya. I haven't told you because I don't want to lose you; because, I truly loves you. My love towards you wasn't a lie! The moment you have mistaken me for other person, and kissed me.." I can't help but feeling disgust at the word 'kissed'. "…I have been head over heels on you, Kyouya."

"I was scared to lose you. And I love everything about you. And I - "

"But why do you seem to have been contacting the person who wrote that letter? Because, it looks too plain to me. The way you lied to me…was too vicious."

"No, I don't know her but hearing you boasting about her letter gives me idea to use her identity instead, to get closed to you. That's why I know all about you…but believe me, I really loves you…"

I turned silent; I can't bear to hear about it anymore. Her words just the same with what her sister told me a month before. And it was sickening me; making my ears bleeding.

"Did your sister know about this?" I tried to maintain calmness.

"Yes. But I realized it was already too late, because you knew about this before – I."

"Natsu, you used other person identity. Don't you think about the other? Are you ridiculing me all this time?" My eyebrows frowned in pain.

"NO! I'm not! I just don't care about the girl. I just love you! That I – "

"But I don't Natsu. Don't make me. I don't want to."

I shot her with piercing words. How can a person get too far just because of love? How can this be possible?

"But, that's the truth. I love you, and I don't want to lose you. I lied because I know I have no chance. I want to make you mine. I need you! You're the most important in my life!"

"Nonsense Natsu! Stop being a stupid and stop behaving like a damn little girl. You're an adult. Don't you feel ashamed for doing all these things? Have you ever thought of my feelings? Have you? You deceive me Natsu! I seriously thought that she was you! I gave you my faith and love, but is this how you reciprocate my love for you?" I sighed loudly in desperation looking at Natsu who was shaking her head desperately denying my claims.

"I _am disappointed_ in you."

"Kyouya – "

"Don't come near me." I shoved her away and straightly rebuffed making a step back. "I don't want to see you. Just disappear from my sight."

I waited for her to leave that table, but she doesn't move an inch. "Alright." And I took my leave, leaving her all alone at the table. I could care less about her anymore. I don't know how I should accept her in my life. I said I don't love her, but who knows; I had grown love for her. Should I just follow what her sister said and forget the person in the letter whom I always thought, love?

It was too painful even for me to endure. Love is unimaginably painful. It was better if I was in pain for getting shot or wounded in my mission, instead of having to taste this betrayal. It was unbearably, painful.

For the second that I thought, 'Did I just leave my own house?' I found myself stupid and growled inside my car.

…

…

'_Please…I need to see you at the shrine. If you want to meet me…I would be waiting for you there. I'll wait for you…' _

_-Kyouya-_

…

I actually wanted to apologize to Cielo, for not discovering the truth. I was too stupid to not even recognize her letter. I don't want her to misunderstand me. I am in confusion; where my love stands, and I need time to forgive myself and forgive people. A part of me still blames Cielo for this confusion; …If we have met in our early introduction, it wouldn't turned up like this. And that was my regret.

And now, I need to apologize to her…

…

'_Wait for me…'_

_-Cielo-_

…

Unexpectedly, she answered a yes and I was too excited waiting for the day to become reality.

It was not her fault. It was me who simply wrong her. I should have realized when I told her that I know her, she suddenly stopped writing to me for months. She was clearly disappointed in me that I didn't bother to confirm with her. That was, until I received another letter. She might feel angry but, I need to see her. I could figure it all out and avoid all these things and madness beforehand; before it gets out of my control…

I've been waiting for the whole day, however on the anticipated day; she didn't come to the shrine to meet me. She was not around until it was almost evening... But, I still waited for her patiently.

Suddenly, my phone rang in my pocket. I felt disturb when I saw the name of devious Natsu on the screen. Hence, I ignore her calls and dismissed it. Why did she need to get in the way, again and again like this?

But again, after the tenth calls, I feel the urgency to answer her phone. I want her to stop this stupidity immediately. Stop spam me with her calls and messages. Heck, I didn't even read her mails.

"Hn." I just grunt on the phone. Not even bother to listen to her and my eyes were wildly searching for a person called Cielo.

"Help me..Kyouya…" She cried again. I hardly suppressed myself from rolling my eyes. Who knows? Scheming Natsu could do anything and pretend to be sick.

"What?"

"She is dying, Kyouya." I was alarmed at the word 'dying' and frantically got up on my legs.

"Natsu?!"

"She is going to die…! Help me…!" I was struck with horror on my face. Is she saying the truth?

"Calm down. Who was dying?" I was tired of her cries over the phone but another me was seriously anxious. _Is not her family right?_

"Tsu-tsuna…" I am shocked at the news and forgotten all about my hatred for Natsu.. Tsunayoshi is dying?! I turned pale immediately at the thought; leaning for support onto the big tree.

"…and my mom…please help them…!" Natsu was sobbing there.

"Calm down, Natsu. Where are you?"

"At the park. Nami road...she – she was hit by a car…Kyouya…I don't know what to do!"

"Calm down, and call the ambulance and tell them your location. And don't touch them! I'm on my way!" Hence I ended her call and dashed out to the road, driving at top acceleration.

When I arrived at the incident's place, I saw a flock of people center around the bloodied body. I was too nervous to see the victims. What 'if' rolled into my mind like a movie and I can't shrugged it off. I saw Natsu crying at the side road while looking at her mother and sister. I took a step front and immediately, I stagger to see the now unrecognized Tsunayoshi and Nana-san was drowning in the pools of their own blood. Blood splattered everywhere on the side road and their flesh and bone were all seen.

_What the hell happened? Who did this? _I want to get closer to Tsunayoshi body. I feel the urge to hold her closer to me. I don't even know why, but my heart really stings and it was in pain seeing Tsunayoshi lying on the ground unconsciously… _'What will happen to her? Will she live?'_

Suddenly I felt a warm hug around my waist. It was Natsu…she cling on me and cried on my chest… I can't just ignore her. My hands practically moved onto her back and stroke them gently to ease her grievances.

Oddly enough, my tears streaming down my cheek unconsciously. Seeing both Tsunayoshi and Nana-san bodies on the road, I felt helpless and losing my rationality. I stagger at my place. My eyes begin to stings so badly and the tears were welling up on my eye bed and I can't hold it up... The tears trickling down my cheek even when my eyes were wide open.

I don't know why, but it feels so sad when I saw Tsunayoshi and Nana-san was reduced to that state. Their faces were covered by blood and everything was dyed in crimson red. Tsunayoshi were lying unconscious, drooping on the road while fighting with her death, while Nana-san was lifeless by her side, eyes still wide open.

I was speechless and stare into the weaken eyes. _'What happened?'_

She was looking straight into my own with terror. I feel like she had something to say to me. But what is it? I can feel her sight digging through my soul. She was trying to tell me something very important. But the ambulance was already there and police have restricted the area. Even though we were family, I can't go to her. I can't reach Tsunayoshi…

They were sent to hospital; Tsunayoshi barely lives but, Nana-san unfortunately died… I dare not say, that weak herbivore will live…but practically, she was as gone. The doctor had diagnosed her with multiple injuries with severe head injury and she was later, in comatose state. The accident has inflicted severe injuries on her brain and that's what makes me scared.

What if she loses her memories? All about me? And all about her life? Will she forgets me?

Natsu cling on me crying her eyes out, every single day and certainly she felt insecure. She had no one to depend on now since her beloved was in critical situation. Whilst, she was just a young college girl who is working her ass off to pay for the bills and tried to live her life alone. She almost abandons her Vongola High school and I know it must be hard for her to just abandon something she loves. Vongola was just like a family to her, and she had been living like a princess in there with all wealthy people who served her. But now, to think that she needs to readjust her life and stoop so low, I know she can't accept that.

But, to just leave her just like that was not my style. I felt like an irresponsible man if I ever do that; and that was against my principles.

She had lost her mother and her sister was beyond imagination. Her twins had been unconscious for almost a year, and still have no progression. Except for the wound and injuries; all of them just heal perfectly without leaving too much scars on her now thinner and pale body. The doctor informed us in advance that she might lose her vision but, I believe everything is fine. There was no way Tsunayoshi Sawada would be blind.

However, since she is a strong will person, I believe she can accept whatever fate she will face when she wakes up. I really hope so.

Because I believe in Tsunayoshi Sawada.

But almost a year has passed but she was still like a living corpse…Basically, she was as good as gone…

…

…

For the last time, I wrote Cielo my message...

...

Dearest Cielo…

'_I guessed, I had always known…that…I had betrayed my own heart…I betrayed myself… _

_But still…I was too full of myself to admit… _

_But now…it was already too late… And I can't even forgive myself…_

_I'm sorry…Let's not… writing again…_

_And…this is a goodbye…'_

_From: Kyouya Hibari_

_P/S: I'll be getting married in two months time._

…

_-END OF FLASHBACK-_

…

…

And she never returned me after that. It feels odd because it was me who cut off the strings. But, it's fine since everything will be okay. Cielo can manage herself. I am still wondering until now; why did I bother sending Cielo that letter, since she was already quiet and stops giving me letters. Probably she too had found her prince charming somewhere. But who cares, my life was already stuck up. I made the wrong decision when I married to Natsu.

_Deadly wrong._

I didn't realize that I'm passing through the shrine where I should meet with Cielo, where everything was long forgotten. But, I decided to stay there for a moment since there were storm raged outside. The fierce gusts of wind were already slitting through trees on the side road like inviting the rain to pour down. Despite of the darken sky, it was only midday and I ran towards the shrine as the rain starting pouring down to earth heavily.

I shook my head several times to dry my hair and it is now sticking in all direction but still neat fortunately. My purple shirt was already soaked by the rain and exposing my authentic well builds body as I rolled up my sleeves. I looked up ahead into the shrine and suddenly I found a fine Chinese girl who was working there; wearing a kimono and looks like she was talking to someone. I didn't bother to know until the long brunette breaded hair girl catch my attention. I keep staring at the back of the brunette sharply. Where have I seen that brunette and that Chinese girl? My instinct told me that I had seen them somewhere before.

The one in kimono was chuckling after hearing from the brunette and then, she walked back inside; maybe to bring some water to the other girl. I kept looking at the Chinese little girl and look at the back of the brunette. That brunet hair…where have I seen that long brown hair? I keep intrigued myself and my heart keeps tempting me to see her face. Hence, I walk again, deeper inside.

That Chinese little girl comes again with a tray of clear water and a paper and I had to hide myself within the walls there. Her cheerful round face suddenly looked gloomy as she hand the brunette that small paper. They talked briefly before she puts down her tray gently and sat beside the brunette who seems to be sad; and I can't believe that I actually tried to poke my nose deeper into it.

Before I realized it, my legs stumble over the chair and suddenly revealing my unsteady gait.

"Who's that?" they asked in panic.

I growled looking annoyingly towards the wooden chair which appears out of nowhere. (It was actually was already there since a long time.)I got up from my knee slightly cursing at my own sloppiness. Has _her_ virus of clumsiness affected me as well?

"Are you alright?" the sound of Chinese slang was clearer towards me. Damn. I get up steadily and give a cold stare to the worried girl in front of me; and I didn't anticipate that she will look at me with horror. Her eyes widen in disbelief as she pulled her trembling hands slowly to her mouth.

"What is it Ipin-chan?" the brunette voiced out.

I flinched when I heard the second voice; such familiar soft and gentle voice.

"Who is it? Is she okay?"

I turned to look at the owner of the voice, and I was right; it was her, the stupid herbivore. What is she doing here? Nonetheless, alone… Her different appearance in that kimono with breaded hair makes her looked unbelievably outstanding. Just beautiful; that I failed to recognize her earlier. And I was impressed that she can walk at ease at this shrine like she had always been here before.

I turned to look at the Chinese accent girl, what was her name just now? I can't remember; but she was now already dumbstruck and glued on the floor; starring at me with terrified eyes. Why did she need to look scared like that? It's annoying and again, where have I seen her face before?

It took me several minutes to remember her face. "Yes. It was you." She was the intermediate girl between Cielo and me. So, was Cielo living here all this time? Or, is she here right now? If so, I want to meet her.

"Ipin?" The girl flinched as her name was called by the brunette as if she had been scared of something.

"tsunayoshi…" it's the brunette's turn to flinch as I called out her name. And weird enough, the blood were drained out from her blood vessels in seconds. Without waiting, I asked grimly, "What. Are. You. Doing. Here?"

"K- Kyouya-san? W-why are you here?" She obviously stuttered and asking me back.

"Instead…what are you doing here? Tsunayoshi?"

Her throat swallowed the bitter saliva and I can see her feet were squeezing uneasy on the floor. 'Did she hide something from me?'

"Ano..Kyouya-san, she was here to visit the shrine, that's all." The Chinese girl retorted instead as she noticed that I was scanning Tsunayoshi right now. She tried to defense her. Wow. I didn't anticipate that the brunette would have friend to defense her. "Her clothes got wet so I gave her a change."

"Hn. I didn't ask you." I grunted spontaneously as my eyebrows relaxing with a cheeky smirk on my face and the Chinese girl shrink at her place. A smirk curled on my lips. She does look good in this new outfit. This white kimono with pink 'sakura' flowers on the fabric makes her look astounding. I never thought that a simpleton girl like her could changed drastically just because of clothes. I praised this little girl for making quiet a choice. I found myself locking my stare on the newfound attractive girl who was currently fidgeting in front of me and just ignore the Chinese girl.

"O-kay..I will excuse myself." She said stuttering starting to take a few step back as if feeling like one who cause disorder at that place; looking down.

"I-ipin!" Tsunayoshi frantically whispered her name in the ear while her hands were gripping Ipin's kimono. "Don't go." She said wistfully.

"I can't." she whispered back didn't dare to look at me on the face and I hardly prevent myself from groaning again. 'What makes her so hard to move away? Just go!'

"Please…"

"No. You have to settle it." and in nanosecond I-pin just vanished from my sight leaving the dumbfounded Tsunayoshi.

In contrary, she was quivering at her place, playing with her hands agitatedly. I am amused at how I-pin had dressed her. But, right now, there were many things played on my mind. Many things that I want to know and ask her.

…

_-TSUNAYOSHI SAWADA POV-_

…

I can feel my blood pressure was completely dropped below 80/60 mmhg and my body was starting to get hazy and sick upon his menacing voice. My whole being was shivering at his cold stare and it was hard to form words…it was hard to breathe…

"Sin-since when are you here…Kyouya-san?" I cursed under my breath for stammered on my words; didn't even dare looking up to his face. What did he heard? What did he just saw as we're talking? Did he finally found out that Cielo was me?!

_What should I do?!_

"Herbivore…what are you hiding?" He asked again all of sudden making my mind trail off instantly and my anxiety double fold. I hardly prevent myself from stuttering.

"I'm sorry, Kyouya-san…" I said calmly looking down at my toes feeling guilty to face him and an act of smile curled at the corner of my lips. "Sorry to get your hopes up Kyouya-san." I get my resolved.. "But it was just the girl's thing."

_But I was really scared…_

_And upset…because I had to lie again._

"Is it?" I noticed the sound of his high pitched this time. He was testing me.

"Yes. It is. It's nothing much that needs your attention, Kyouya-san." I said calmly on the surface but my heart was in pain as we're speaking.

"It was a letter." I flinched as he said that and the small paper in my palm were crumpled unconsciously.

"What letter?"

"You cried just now. That girl's letter. "

"Oh? It's just my old friend…" Oh! Great…now who was the old friend?! I had no friend idiot!

"Stop. Tsunayoshi. Don't play dumb. I know you knew it."

My fist was tighter that my palm is hurting. "It really isn't something serious…" I maintained composed, trying to look cool.

"I overheard your conversation."

I gulped down my saliva hardly. '_How much did he heard us?!_' I stammered on my feet slightly. "What did you hear?"

"It's the letter…Tsunayoshi." His voice was slow and deeper. I closed my eyes as if waiting for my judgment. "Or…should I call you Cielo instead?"

My ears turn hot as I heard him say that. My heartbeat double folds that any person near me can hear it.

_It's the end…He found out…_

"Kyouya-san…It was…it was…"

"It was what, herbivore?" he interfered impatiently.

"It was…" my mind was blank and I can't form any excuses. It was going to be the end of me…He knew it.

'_He knew who Cielo was…'_

…

…

END CHAPTER 5…

AUTHOR'S HINT: So…Kyouya didn't meet with the real Cielo because apparently Tsuna was admitted for coma for about a year! That's why Kyouya married Natsu when she was already blind.

What did Nana wants to tell Kyouya. Take note guys in that simple incident…

(If you realize, I just want to make a view, where Kyouya started using his name in letter when they were apart.. It means they were closer than before)

I hope after all this remake, the plot is going to be sane… fuuuhhh…


	7. Chapter 6- Sudden dissapearance

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

Continued from the last chapter…

.

**THELOVE I HAD PART 6…**

**Sudden Disappearance. **

…

_PREVIEW FROM PREVIOUS CHAPTER.._

_TSUNAYOSHI SAWADA POV_

_.._

_.._

"_It's the letter…Tsunayoshi." His voice was slow and deeper. I closed my eyes as if waiting for my judgment. "Or…should I call you Cielo instead?"_

_It's the end…He found out…_

"_Kyouya-san…It was…it was…"_

"_It was what, herbivore?" he interfered impatiently._

His grip on my shoulder was tighter and I had to prevent myself from moaning in pain. He has the right to feel heated and he should be angry with me... I know I deserved it. But, I failed to realize that he was also in pain. He is in such great pain and I just ignore him and continue being selfish.

All I think about is, to run away.

'I need to run away.'

'I need to keep shut.'

'…and I need to be alone.'

"Tell me…who is it?" He grabs my arms roughly stopping my movement. I can't even differentiate whether he was angry or not since I can't compose myself. My resolve died instantly.

"Tsuna…" I can feel my heart withered when he called my name with his gentle tone back again...

And all my plans of running away just scattered instantly. I am touched that his voice resounding in the air like he was going to crack…'

I always can deceive him with my non reactive eyes which neither blink nor constrict. It always dilated brownish in color, but right this time, I can't control my facial muscles from constricting; and my face is frowning and showing a lot of emotions and concerns…

And grievances…

I felt choked and quickly turned from him. I tried my best to give a cold shoulder and decided to take my leave immediately. I gathered up my courage to ignore him, and I wished he would do so…

'…please…don't ask me, because I can't tell you.'

"Kyouya-san…I'm sorry…That's all I can say…" I muttered slowly again but this time my voice was shuddering and trembling. I know there were no slightest chances for him to believe me. But that's the best answer I had for now,…since I really have nothing to say.

It was my fault…from the starts…

"I'm sorry..Kyouya-san…"

'_I'm truly sorry…'_

These disasters… this madness and these afflictions…

It was all my fault…and I can't turn back…

My legs move ahead, but his grab on my wrist hardened and he is pulling me near him... I almost twist on my leg in that kimono.

I gasped; suddenly forgetting about how to breathe…It was too short and he was unexpectedly unpredictable… The only thing I noticed was his scent and fragrance. That was when I realized, our body was dangerously too closed… I am afraid that he would notice my lies through my heartbeat and breathing. He is a secret agent…of course he would know..

_There was nothing I could hide from him._

Hence, I tried to dislodge his grip on my wrist. Just then, I realize how weak I had become than I was before and I can't fight against his strength. Not in my conditions…

The next thing I realized, he pulled me closer to him; my back was leaning on his wide chest…and his breath sounds was even more audible and hotter than it was before. He was drawing a circle on my hands gently before he leaned closer to my head sniffing my brown hairs...and my body surprisingly was arching for it as I tilted my head to the side in response.

He didn't do anything but it already took my senses…

My heart was beating faster as I felt his warmth breath against my hair and I just looked down constantly as if I could see the beautiful tiles of the floor. I get goosebumps when we were so close…

I don't know all this time, that just being held by Kyouya-san makes me feels such sinful erotic feelings and I felt guilty for having lust thought about us. It feels wrong in every way and I felt distressed even more.

I am not good enough for him…I am a defect…

What good do I have for him? What's the point of telling him the truth now?

I gathered all my courage to remove his hand steadily from my shoulder without shaking. "Don't do this Kyouya-san…"

I pushed his chest harder and I succeed.

But, unfortunately, the strength that I used was more stressful and I stumble into the pond behind me, making me wet all over again. And he smirks evilly at the side. Or..at least, that was what I expected.

"Is this what you want to hide from me, Tsunayoshi?" He held up the letter which was in his hand now. I searched for the letter everywhere and it was nowhere to be found.

"I have it with me."

'_Damn. He took it while he held me closed before.'_

"Don't read it!" I barked against him and grab it back, pulling myself hardly in that pond with my heavy kimono. "It's not yours! It's mine!" and I was surprised that I got him right even when I am blind. I guessed he crouched at my level, smirking at me aka; looking down on me.

_If only I can see his face right now…_

"Is it your boyfriend that you're saddens?" he chuckled lightly; probably covering his lower face with a smirk. "It's funny, herbivore, to tease you like that." and probably shoving his hands into his pocket now.

'_What is going on right now?! Did he just ridiculing me just now?! And I was being angst for no reason!'_

"Look! The letter is wet! It's your fault Kyouya-san! I didn't even read it!" I played pouting like I am angry. "That's cruel!" Even though I know perfectly that he had me wrong. He still didn't know about it. It did not occur in his mind that Cielo is me, just saying it…but I'm glad, he wasn't.

"Aren't I? Well, I figure that you always missing from the house. No wonder…You were here meeting with your boyfriend, wasn't it?" I can hear that he was having fun teasing me, and I'm glad…

_His happiness is my happiness. My feelings were just insignificant thing…_

"Hiiieeee! Hibari-san! It was ripped!"

"It's because it's wet. Stupid."

I can keep playing and lying to myself. I don't care anymore. All that matters was him. I don't want him to torn in between us.

"You're right, Kyouya-san",

'_It is a letter from a boyfriend, his last letter which I haven't received yet until now; it was because of him that I was crying…and it was because…'_

"Sorry for not telling you." I chuckled lightly, pretending hardly. There are many things I wished I could say to you.

'_He was getting married, but he even told me…'_

"Good news, herbivore…" and I snapped from my thought. "We're going to my place in two days time." He sighed proudly.

"Really?!" It was obvious that I am very excited.

"Yes. It is. By the way, don't you want to get out from that pond? The fishes are eating you." He said deadpan, obviously mocking me again and I unconsciously making grumpy face.

"Hn.." He said as he held my hands and pulled me up.

'…_as if you're hoping I will come and prevent it from happen...but it is impossible..'_

And I-pin had to give me another change. Poor Ipin.

'_but he didn't know that I love him so much and I will always do…'_

'_There was so much I want to tell my boyfriend. So much I want to tell you…' _

He held me up to my legs. We were so closed even 1mm was fully covered; I can feel his strong arms were snaking around my waist tightly, protecting me from falling again and I can feel his warm breath against mine.

'_So much that I lost and I still want you…I want to know if you ever had feelings for Cielo…That was enough for me…'_

I blushed again at this skin contact. I faced towards his flow of breath to steal a look of his genuinely beautiful face. But, unfortunately, no. No matter how hard I tried to look at him, I can never saw his face again.

I just can't see him again. I can't…

'_So, that's why. Kyouya-san…I hope you will forgive me for lying to you up ahead. I swear I don't want to, but, things can't be turned back. Forgive me. But my love for you is always real…it will never die…or withered... Even if there will be no one for you, I will be always besides you…'_

"What's wrong?" His stern voice suddenly startled me up from inner thought and I quickly tried to make a distance between us.

"Uhm? No-nothing, Kyouya-san. We're… too close…" I blushed.

Then, suddenly, out of blue his thumb reached upon my cheek, wiping out the water from my face and wipe out the wet bangs from my face; and I back away from his touch in response. My tears were actually sliding down my face that, I didn't realize it at all; luckily the water from the pool covered it up.

"It's nothing Kyouya-san…." I force a small smile on my lips, and tried to hold Ipin's hand. "Thanks. But It's nothing…" and we walk away from him. "We'll go back together after I changed. Wait for me alright?" I said happily smiling at him.

"Hmph..! Be quick." He ordered as usual while reaching for the new shirts, I-pin had prepared for him.

"It's not good Tsuna-neechan…Lying to him…" I-pin whispered in my ears.

"I know…"_ But it's for the best.._

…

…

TIME-SKIP

My heart was singing jovially. What not, my dear sister Natsumi Sawada and Kyouya Hibari asked me to go out for vacation together with them out of blue! I have been in cloud nine along the way and smiling to myself like a manic person. I don't know if Kyouya-san and Natsu was staring weirdly at me but I don't care. I am just too happy to visit Namimori Villa where Kyouya Hibari has grown up. I want to know what kind of place he lives in and how did he lived. I want to know all about him even though I know it was useless now.

Kyouya, now belongs to my sister…and he will always be.

As I step on the ground and breathe in the fresh breeze, I felt comfort and calm. How, should I said it; it's been so long since I've been living inside the house and out from the crowded area, and now, I am excited to visit Namimori Island. I was taking my luggage out from the car when suddenly; Kyouya Hibari snatched it away from me with a grunt 'hn' on his lips. I am astounded that Kyouya-san helped me whilst my own blood line didn't even care to help me out. But, it's alright since I have been used to it though but my cheek blushing crimson at Kyouya's kindness.

The one thing that makes me feel abandoned was because, she hissed at me and harshly pushed me aside when Kyouya-san was kind to me. And I didn't even realize that she had been plotting something…

…

It was the usual bright Sunday morning when suddenly, Natsu shown up in front of my room, with a loud sigh of displeasure. What it is this time, I thought. I heard the sound of her body slumped lazily on the door with a loud thud. "Are you done?" She asked monotone, probably with hands on her hips.

"Yes. Almost.. What's wrong?" I asked blankly.

"Forget about your luggage, you can keep it later. Now, let's not make Kyouya waiting for too much time since he hates 'this stuff'."

When she said this stuff I wonder what it was all about. She dragged me out from the room, didn't even bother if my body hits the wall and the furniture all around. We walked so fast, that I didn't even have time to count my step and to take a breath; it makes me dizzy from the darkness and the coldness at the outside makes me shiver.

"Natsu. You go first." I heard Kyouya-san strictly ordered Natsu to leave me, and she brutally release my hand that it hurt my wrist. I shrugged a bit when he puts a coat around me to warm me up and leads me, holding my hand like a princess walking down the stairs; he holds my hands tightly to prevent me from tumble down the stairs. I felt treasured for the moment and it was comforting.

"Wh-where do we go?" I asked bashfully.

"We're going for cycling…" and he was silent then. I felt sorry for myself because I can't ride.., "…and of course I know what you're going to say… so don't say a word." Kyouya said dead pan as we stopped at something. I just followed him blankly, not knowing what his intention is.

"What can I – I do?" I slapped my face mentally for being stuttered and asking such question.

"Get on." He said sternly. And I was too bemused to do anything. Get on what exactly.

"Tch! Tsuna!" I heard Natsu was becoming inpatient. "Quick Tsuna! It's going to be late..! We'll not forever here!"

"Ah..sorry."

"Herbivore.." U'oh.. Kyouya-san loses his cool. I can hear the annoyance in his voice. "I said, we're going for a ride, right? So – "

"Yes. Sorry." Before he even finished his sentence, I ride on the back seat, avoiding his wrath. My voice was turning low and flat. I totally feel like I am a hindrance. If I am not here, if I did not follow them, if I refused Natsu invitation, they can have their vacation happier without a nuisance like me. They can have their long awaited honeymoon without me. I am a nuisance aren't I? Making problems for people, making people going slow pace just because I am here. My presence here…was it really needed?

I am just a bother…

"We don't think badly of you, stupid herbivore." I snapped from my thought and looked up front to hear his words and my hands were gripping the bicycle frame tightly. My heart feels tight and hurt. Natsu… hates me.

"I don't know about Natsu, but at least, I don't think badly of you. I think you're almost equal to me herbivore."

My eyes widen at his words. Equal to him? Kyouya Hibari and Tsunayoshi Sawada didn't have any similarities. Didn't he realize it? We are like heaven and earth. "Are you saying the truth Kyouya-san? Because if it isn't, just keep it… I don't really need it."

"Hn. I will beat you to death." I paled at his word. "You are still a weak herbivore and I am far more superior to you." I chuckled at his words. He was angry and kept pouting those words that makes him cute for a reason. But, he didn't care, he just continued cycling around the park and I am taking the light wind into my embrace. He was cycling faster and faster and before I know it, my hands abruptly searching for his shirt and grip it tightly before I accidentally enfold my hands around his waist. I can hear, Natsu was shrieking from behind asking for him to wait for her, but likewise, he isn't going to wait for her. We were going down the hills and the ride speed up. I suddenly shriek out for a moment when we speed up and immediately closed my mouth when I heard he 'hn' me. I am embarrassed. Truly embarrass.

"You laughed." My face was already red.

"I'm not. I'm shrieking. Not laughing." I said bashfully didn't realize that my hands were tighter around his waist. It was too embarrassing! Yet, his body felt so warm and full in my arms.

"It's been a while." He commented deadpan.

"But, that's not laughing." I mumbled slowly, hiding behind his back. I don't want to be called 'talking back to me person' since it was Kyouya-san.

"I didn't despise it." But he heard me. He replied again casually, while his legs are still working on the pedals as we are off the hills. And my heart is quivering again. Is he trying to comfort me? I didn't realize when my forehead was resting on his broad back. It's been so long since I wanted to do this. "Just, a bit loud." He continued, and I snapped.

"Why don't you just say it was hideous?"

"Because it was not. Just loud." He said deadpan without having emotion in it. I gave him my sour face and fold my arms tightly to my chest and he just ignores me with a 'hn'. "I just realized that you always talk back to me, Tsunayoshi." I wander if he was annoyed or smiling or angry. Nonetheless, I still am thankful that Kyouya-san was trying to cheer me up and he knows what was inside my heart. I am really thankful for that and I don't think my smiles ever worn out today and forever.

But, later I shriek out again as Kyouya-san increase his speed down the hills, "Go sllloooow!" and I immediately clasp onto his waist tightly again.

"Hn." He said nothing. I just realized that he didn't even refuse me or dislike me when I put my arms around his waist. Like a real man, he didn't even quiver at my hold and it makes me just want to lean onto his back closer. The next thing I realized, my cheek was already turning crimson red as it brushed against his back and the breeze was making me sleepy. Somehow, I felt secured when I hold him closer to me and I can imagine how the scenery should be with the two of us taking a ride together.

How weird does it look? Or…how beautiful could it be? It must be unimaginable…and I didn't even dare to think about it.

It was sinful of me…but right now, it was all about him and me. I hope I would be forgiven for being selfish and for _stealing_ my sister's husband for a moment. Please forgive me. I can't hold these feelings. I just want him even for a moment. And I was glad that Natsu refused to give me a ride. If it's not for her self-centered, I wouldn't have had this golden moment.

…

And if Tsunayoshi Sawada didn't even sleepy on the ride, she could have felt Kyouya's hand was rubbing against her back hand delicately while they were cycling. She could have noticed that he didn't even hate her. Kyouya Hibari didn't hate her. Until then, she also didn't know since she was too busy to fall asleep while she was just a passenger. She didn't even use her energy and how can she sleep?!

...

…

_KYOUYA HIBARI POV_

…

It was already late. Standing in the entrance hall, I found myself irked at no one, pulling hard on my thick hair, for the fourth time in fact, since I circled my house; my Namimori Villa for the fifth round. It was maddening. A part of me was feeling distracted since this morning when I didn't saw this certain brunette. Since yesterday evening when we arrived after the sightseeing, I haven't seen her and until today, she still didn't shown up which made me so disturbed and ticked off. Why would she disappear just like that? And without informing me anything in advance? It makes me irritated as I can't see her to scold her right on her face. Didn't she know how she should act when going to my place? I have rules and everyone is to obey my rule. And she daringly is breaking the rules.

I remembered the scene of yesterday where I abruptly shoved an ice cream on her face while she was still asleep, unintentional actually. She bumped on the ice cream by herself. Not my doing. What was it actually? Ah, yes.. I am irritated that she slept on my back with her saliva drowning my shirt. And she didn't even care about it and still sleepy even when she sat on the bench. She was falling asleep again, when I was going to clean my shirt (a bit) and bought her ice cream. What more, it was her who wanted it so damn much! And when I saw her sleep again, I grew impatient and put the ice cream in front of her face and called her name in my terror voice. So, when she wakes up hastily, her face immediately covered by cream and everyone was laughing…at us. Even Natsu was laughing at us when she saw us. And actually, I didn't foresee that it was going to be like that. Since, it was my first time. How can a person being too sleepy like that? Didn't she sleep last night?!

I ran a hand over my hair and look down at my feet, hands on my hips, cursing no one. There was no one I can blame. For the first time in years, I wished that I could see her not only every day, but every single minute. I wished she told me whenever she wanted to do something or going somewhere. Plus, she is blind and that fact itself gives me the reason to worry about her even more. I _am_…worried about her…and that's why I have been edgy on myself. Was she angry with me? I shook my head to ignore it. Since when did I even care about other people's feelings?

I walked down the stairs and went to her bedroom to see if she was present in her bedroom, but no… The room was unimaginably tidy like no one had been sitting on the bed before. The bed sheet is still taut and everything is still on its place like no one has been touching them. It's like she never entered the room since yesterday. The more places I go the more irritated I become, since I don't see her anywhere. I feel so helpless and distracted by her missing. Why am I acting like this? I don't understand myself.

Hence, I sit on my couched, clenching my hands tightly trying to find an answer for her sudden disappearance. Where was she? Natsu wasn't even here for me to ask. She had gone out for shopping groceries in the small town 30 miles from my villa. Unfortunately, I hate crowding, so, she needs to ride a bicycle to get there. I'm sorry for her, but we need something to eat, and she needs something to cook. But, I saw the bicycle was still at the garden, and that means, she didn't go there cycling but taking the bus.

My mind took it positively, that Natsu brought the small herbivore with her for shopping. With that perfect comforting idea, I went to my private garden, to spent time thinking and relaxing my mind. I haven't been able to sleep since yesterday and the tiredness from riding still remains. The chirping sounds of hibirds certainly will be comforting as they sang me the Namimori anthem. The song itself was like a lullaby for me and very comforting. Hence, I opened the entrance slowly and looking out at the 'hibird house'. Oh, did I tell you? Hibird's nest was actually formed after Tsunayoshi gave me a present of yellow birdy and I breed it. The birds somehow make me relax my mind. And they will follow me wherever I go.

It was awkward to be back in my villa, and it was even more awkward when I bring two outsiders inside my villa. This villa was everything my parents had left for me before they died and hearing the sound of the birds chirping happily at my presence making the nostalgic feelings flowing inside my heart. At this, several painful memories came rushing through my already sore head. I haven't been asleep and my head was turning heavier with the incoming problem; the small herbivore was not around. Yet, I want to see her, so bad, that I can't make myself to feel relax. Where is she?

I walked into the 'bird nest' and taking the warm air trying to calm my mind. As I was walking, I saw a figure standing right in front of a stack of bird. My bird was singing for this person and that makes me feel weird. And the next thing I knew, it was the small herbivore; she was there, smiling happily while swaying her body accordingly to the rhythm. The small brunette was here all this time. I am glad that I found her at last…

I am totally clueless when I found and saw her right in front of me. I stunned on my place feeling overwhelm that I met her while my eyes scanned her figure with envy. Since when did she look really beautiful when she was smiling like that and swaying her body cutely in that orange dress she wore? I unconsciously bit my bottom lips trying to hold this new overwhelm feeling from raging my mind. Since when did I turn to be enticed by this small herbivore? Since when did I ever felt really thankful that I didn't lose her? Since when did I act out my rule? Betraying my own philosophy… I can't believe that I changed…my feelings is changing…

The drape of my shoes on the ground making her startle and the bird flew away from the branch, resting on my shoulder; breaking the harmony rhyme. Her smiles dropped off as her head moving facing me, towards the drape sound of shoes. She was still smiling earnestly with that hazel eyes of her; even though both of her eyes isn't reacted, but the clear brown color always make me want to stare into her eyes, deeply. Trying to understand her and stroll into her secret, which was hidden perfectly within her soul.

My mind was rewinding again and again, still trying to capture that this was true. She was standing right there and turning 45 degree looking at me extending her hand. I am amazed that she looked as if she wasn't blind, as if she can look at me, directly. She looks just beautiful with the sunlight showering her face. Unknowingly, I am moving slowly towards her while my heart was still feeling disturbed and confused. Why did I feel the need to reach for this weak and small herbivore? I feel like…she will disappear again if I don't grasp her now and then…

Suddenly, the harsh breeze blew away all the dried leaves and her view completely vanished from my sight. I turned my head back and forth, just to find myself alone back under an old tree, waiting for someone. It's weird…since when am I here? This is the place where I am waiting for Cielo; where I had forgotten all about Cielo on that day. The next thing I heard was someone squealing her name, and I was stiffened on my place staring at my hands. I am shock when I saw my hands were stained by blood; crimson red staining my shirt and I was holding a person in my arms. It was her…Tsunayoshi.

My heart skip a beat; beating aggressively against my ribs. My eyes widen as I am looking at my bloodied hand. I just saw her in hibird's nest. So..why….what's with these bloods…?! Is this happening again? Is it repeating again? She didn't involve in accident again, did she?

"Kyouya…san…" I heard she is calling my name, softly… "..He…lp…me…" But I can't hear her clearly and that makes me miserable as hell... Hence, I looked down on my laps, staring at the numerous bloods soiled her clothes and skin. My stomach churned at the iron smelled that filled my nose; the smell of her blood.

"Tsunayoshi..!"

But, she didn't even react on my voice.. I keep calling for her name, but, the next thing I realized, I was becoming distanced from her in a white room. "Please!"

"Kyouya..san.." And she was calling at me with that sad voice of her.

Her smiles still had not fade away and it surprisingly making my heart stirs painfully. I'm afraid if she was going to leave me. I don't want her to leave me. I don't want her to leave again…

"Kyouya-san.." I can't reach her! Every time I heard her voice calling for my name, my heart was ripped apart since I can't help her; even though I am trying to reach her hands, our distanced was increased by the unknown. I can't tell what was happening right now. Everything is blurred. My mind was clouded by unpleasant thought.

"Kyouya." She was calling me and I was still trying to reach her but she was getting away and away from me…

"…"

"Kyouya..! Kyouya..!" I felt my body was heated and shaking.

"Kyouya, are you alright? Kyouya!"

And the next thing I realized, I saw white ceiling above me, and that I was drenched in my own sweat on my couch. And the first person I saw in front of me was a brunette… I furrowed my eyebrow to distinguish the person in front of me. Is it Tsuna..? No..,it was Natsu. And my heart sank away. It was a dream… I quickly got up from my couch and sit up, running hands over my face, trying to ease this head throbbing. Why did it feel so real? Just a moment later, I realized Natsu had come home and this is my chance to ask her. I hastily groped her shoulder hard until she squeaks in pain. I could care less anymore. Tsunayoshi is all that matters.

"What's wrong? Kyouya…"

"Tell me? Did you see her?"

"See who?"

"Who else living in this villa?" I said rolling my eyes in annoyance. "Where is your sister?"

"Tsuna? She, she was sleeping on her bed."

"Really..?" I immediately look up for Tsuna in her room, but Natsu immediately hold me off.

"She is sleeping. She said no one to disturb her." I look at her face in disbelief. Should I believe her?

"Please Kyouya. She needs to sleep. Can't it wait? I just gave her medicine and she was to rest. We went to meet the doctor just now."

I felt relief. "She was with you all this time? Hn. That's great then." I found myself weird for being a worry father losing his child; I even forgot to ask the reason why she went to meet doctors. I guessed, it was alright since she was with her sister and decided to leave her alone until dinner came...

I walked away through the hall, but something feels off and perturb. Why did I felt annoyingly mad when I couldn't see her with my eyes? My instinct told me to see her by myself.

Hence, I turned back towards her bedroom and turn the knob to open the door. But, Natsu harshly closed back the door standing right in front of me; prevents me from going inside her sister's room. But, I was faster. The room was dark, and there was no air moving around her room.

"She..she asked me to closed the cooler and the curtains."

I grew suspicious on Natsu as she was stagger and shuddering at her place. I can feel her nervousness while she is talking to me. Why? What was the reason?

"I want to know if she is fine." I kept busying myself to find the switch to lighten up her room. Just when my fingers reached on the switch, Natsu dragged me away from the dark room and closed the door with a loud thud. I hardly prevent myself from rolling my eyes in annoyance. Why did she have to do that? Why did she want to avoid me from seeing her sister?

"She _is_ fine! She really needs a sleep right now. So do you Kyouya. Isn't that right? Now, let's go to your room and get rest. You still haven't rest all well right?" I am dumbfounded and stare at her without emotion on my face.

"Are you telling me the truth? Natsu?"

"Of course I am! She was there hours ago. It's been hours since we got home, but you were still on the couch sleeping serenely, until I saw you looking like a drowning person. Are you having bad dreams Kyouya?" She asked calmly while cupping my cheek tenderly. I can see the anxiety in her eyes; she really is worried about me.

She acts like my wife, heck; she _is_ supposed to be my wife. But I can't find myself to love her any more than that. We were a newlywed couple but unlike the other couple, I married her on a single words, single line with single reason. _She was the reason I married her._

"But I need to see her. Natsu. I want to see her with my eyes, until then, I will not rest." And I hastily moved forward and abruptly open the door and switch on the lights, ignoring Natsu who frantically followed behind me; trying to stop me. Sure enough, she hasn't got time to hinder me with my fast movement and I locked the door. But, to my surprised, the bed is still empty.

Where was the small herbivore? Where is she? I look up into her closet, bed, and her desk for any signs.

There was no sign of her… It was still the same as before. The same as this morning.

'_Where is she?'_

'_Where are you, Tsunayoshi?'_

I keep searching, rummaging her belongings, until I found a small note on her desk, under the small vase of sunflower. And I read it…

But it makes me slump speechless against the table.

"…"

'_Natsu, have you been lying to me?'_

…

XXXXXXXXXXX

The end of chapter 6!

So…where was Tsuna!? Find out in next chapter. –wink-


	8. Chapter 7- Natsu's Vengeance

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

Continued from the last chapter…

.

**THELOVE I HAD PART 7…**

**Natsu's Vengeances.**

_KYOUYA HIBARI POV_

…

I ignore the loud knock on the door trying to settle down my anger. There, I saw the face of my infuriated wife, my double face, liar wife in front of the door which certainly wouldn't help to reduce my raising blood pressure. Just seeing her face right now makes me boiled inside. "W-hat happened?" She asked as if she didn't know anything about her sister's disappearance, but I was too engulfed in my agony to even answer her. Screw her. Why did she have to lie?! One can sense the dark energy accumulating around me and tried their best to avoid me, but not this one, not Natsu. She is very thick skin like a snake.

"Kyouya! I asked where she is." She shouted madly. I notice the worried expression on her face, surely but pretended one. I snorted at her reaction knowing that she was acting in front of me. Go to hell again Natsu for screwing with me. "Where is she?" She asked again grabbing my arms tightly to make me face her, to notice her grimace and to make me believe her action. I am impressed on that anyway. She had good acting skills. Since when had I been in her games? _Just recently, after marriage, or all this time?_

"Kyouya – !"

"Shut up Natsu. You are irritating my ears." I ran my hand over my ear irritatingly, hardly scowling at her and rolling my eyes. I think my ears had gone swollen and bleeding just hearing her shrieking voice. Be damned Natsu. I despise her even more and feel disgust to even look her face.

As she demanded that I look at her, fine, I will. I shoot her my dagger glare and I felt myself darkened madly and I noticed she flinched and frantically looking away from my glare.

"Tsuna.. She wasn't here.. Where is she?" she daringly said again but this time hands off me and looking down guiltily. I hardly suppressed my amusement on her acting. Should I contemplate her and sign her name for acting schools?

"She isn't here." I said in my deep hoarse voice.

"What are you saying? She was still sleeping an hour ago, while I was cooking." I stare into her sunset eyes absently, trying to figure out her lies. Did I really fell for her beautiful sunsets eyes, years before? Because undoubtedly they are very beautiful and that brilliant colors pulled me in deeper into her, but why was her heart too filthy? I don't understand the reason why she needs to take it to this extend.

"She wasn't here?" She asked me back and frantically rummaging her sister bedroom as if she was worried sick about her sister and I just keep staring at her. Why did she have to pretend? Stop Natsu. Seeing her acting like that, made me looking at her painfully annoying. She was a sad _sad_ elder sister and a very sad desperate wife.

"It can't be! She was here! I swear! Believe me!"

Natsu was trying hard to save herself…but, I can't say a word to retort her back. She is my wife and I have been caring for her since her teenage days, even before we were married. But, I don't understand. Why she had to do this. I have clearly seen through her lies. It was depressing. Why would she stab the back of her own blood? To her own twin? Why?

"Here, she left us this note." But I still put on my stern scary-like face.

"It can't be! She went home?" I forcefully signified her claims with a nod. Natsu then, chuckled lightly as if she was content that her sister was going back home and she gave a sigh of relief.

"You don't have to worry then, Kyouya, because she was alright." She held my lifeless hands with happy smiling face. Of course she was happy, because her sister was _not around_. Why didn't I notice this earlier? She had always been treating her sister cruelly...

At this moment I remember ever seeing her sister cry, with bandaged extremities and head. I wonder if there are any other wounds on Tsunayoshi's body. Why didn't I realize it before? Natsu's true face. I can't even smile to her newfound pretended face.

"Stop it. Natsu. Stop playing games on me." I said with my dangerously low tone and I feel free when she released her grips on my hands. "Tell me, where is she?"

"She should be at the house, by now." She answered confidently and I shrugged away, looking aside crossing my hands in front of my chest.

"What I meant is where she is exactly? Where is your sister? Natsu? Where is she? Where did you bring her to? Or left her! Or, what have you done to her? Tell me, where is she?" I doubt I can store my cool any longer but it can't be settle with soft conversation. It must be forced.

I saw her eyes looking at the fierce me with terrified eyes, and I realized her body was startled. And I know she had done something sinful. "Tell me!" And I didn't realize that I had been gripping too harsh on her shoulders that it's almost bleeding.

I felt sorry for her when she is squeaking painfully and I released my grip on he; I didn't mean to harm her and suddenly felt down at the turned. How did it turned like this. What goes wrong? "Why did you lie to me? Aren't I your husband? Natsu? Explain?" I stare into her eyes painfully forcing her to speak out the truth.

"Why did you do it for the second time? Isn't it enough when you lied to me about the letter? Remember? I forgave you. And I even marry you. Isn't that enough?" I don't know why, but this betrayal was just too sad, even for me.

She was just stunned on her legs, unable to say anything or rebuff. She just stares directly into my eyes with her sad but still content looking face; acting as if she was the rightful one which only made me queasy and disgust.

She suddenly chuckled like a hunted doll with her hairs blinding her face. "Shouldn't you ask yourself for everything that happened?" She retorted back calmly. And it was my turned to be speechless. "Where were you after our marriage?" She rebuffed with tears trickling down her face now and it was obvious that she tried to compose her sad voice inside.

"What the hell have you been doing with my sister? Don't you think I know it all? I saw you! I saw her!" And she was yelling in vain. "The way she looked at you! Her stares, that sickening loving stare that makes me want to dig her eyes out!"

"That sick Natsu. She is your sister! And she is blind! There's nothing to worry about. You got everything!"

"Darn it! Don't tell me you haven't realized it at all?" I frowned at her. "She likes you! She wants to steal you from me! I'm afraid to lose you! I don't want to lose you! Don't you know that?!" She was wailing like a child as she slumped down onto the floors. "I feel like you were leaving me! And I can't bear it! Since you came home, the things you care were always her! And HER! My STUPID, WIMPY, BLIND LITLLE SISTER!"

And a slap reached her face. "Stop mouthing her Natsu!" I was staggered for a moment when I slap my _wife,_ but it's suits her alright.

"Didn't you realize how lonely I was after our marriage?" She started wailing touching her reddened cheek. "You disregard me! There was no me in your life from the start. It has been always her and you! It has always been my sister! Isn't that RIGHT?!" She shot me with her undeniable claim, looking fiercely at me. Indeed, I have realized it, but, Tsunayoshi has always been like that, that I just ignore that smallest thing.

"But, I tried to convince myself that it's alright. When neighbors asked me, I can't help it but realized the fact that I was shunned away from your side. I can't help the facts that everybody can see these scars, except me! I still trust you but still, I can't convince you to be with me and I need to just believe this is real and keep watching your back when you walk away and pretend that I'm not an unhappy wife, because you are all that I've got." the tears streaming down her cheeks.

_But I can't stand someone lying to me._

"I don't deny it," I paused. "I left you, for my job, certainly that way. You even agreed to give me times. You should have expected this to come, because my heart was already withered at the time you asked me to marry you. Didn't you remember my conditions for marrying you?"I sighed in disappointment at her cold teary stubborn stares.

"I've made you clear that it's not easy. I already told you. But you were just too persistent and stubborn. It was always like that. You're too persistent to marry me like I am your life. I did love you, but the love was long gone since you betrayed me. You betrayed my trust, and I even pick you back." She still stares at me with her teary fiery eyes. "Let me tell you something you don't know. Perhaps the only person who doesn't know is _you_."

She flinched at her stand and look at me wide eye. "It's the truth, Natsu. Your mother asked me to care for you. _To marry you_. She said you can't bear having your friends looking down on you because you selfishly had announce the marriage thing to your friends even before I decided it. And second, it's because of your mother and your sister that I tried to forgive myself and forgive you. It was all because of them. If not for your sister, I certainly will not marry you."

"What do you mean my sister? She had done nothing for me, Kyouya. Obviously she cannot do anything in her blind state." I tried to compose myself when she mocked Tsunayoshi. I suddenly felt infuriated and feel like smashing her face, right now and there, if she wasn't my wife; I hate it when someone looking down on Tsunayoshi. Had their relation always been like this?

"Listen to me when I speak!" I grew antsy and she suddenly turned silent like a good child which made it easier for me to go on. "Tsunayoshi is far better than you! She was crying begging me to stay with you because she loves you! Because it pained her a lot when she saw you crying in your room every day! And she asked me to leave Cielo instead!" I huffed away and rake my unruly black hair. It's tiring to speak too much.

Natsu is struck speechless and her eyes widen in disbelief. "She said to leave Cielo? Is that the truth, Kyouya?"

"Then, why do you think that I never return to her side anymore? But I can't believe that you did mean things at your sister! Why would you do these? How can you be so heartless? Cold blooded and no shame at all. Where is she? Where did you left her? Tell me, or else..." I found my voice broken as time goes on. What will happen to that weak herbivore if I were late to find her?

_I can't let her die._

"Tell me." I shrug those bad thought aside. And I was shocked of myself that I even almost begging Natsu to tell me the location. Surprise, that I am worried about the brunette.

But she was silent and looking down to the tiles. Ah..this is not good, there was no sign that she will repent her mistakes and tell me. Ugh..this is truly depressing. I feel like smashing the desk beside me or cut it into two or shoot someone to death. _Or shoot her instead._.that would make me feel better, but the brunette won't like it. Hence, I abruptly shoving her shoulder and get on my shoes. I can't wait any longer than this.

"Wait! Kyouya!" and I abruptly stop moving, resting my hands on the door agitatedly; expecting her help. I can tell she was shocked when I told her the truth from her behavior. She stops crying all of sudden and looking space out. "Is that the truth, Kyouya?" I just nod to signify her claim. "Did Tsuna do that? I can't believe it..!" She looked at me with teary eyes as if wanting me to help her. She still doubted her sister's kindness. "When did you meet her? I thought I restrict her from going out…and…" she cupped her teary face. "What have I done, Kyouya?"

"She asked me the days before she was hospitalized…"

And I can see, Natsu was sobbing again, but this time filled with regret. "I'm sorry…I'm truly sorry."

I immediately crouched at her side at her level to ask her softly and she keeps staring into my eyes wistfully.

"So, tell me. And I will go get her, this instant."

"I so..sold her to someone." My eyes go wide, "His name is Ja- jagger." She said sounding afraid and troubled.

"Hn? Jagger?" My mouth twitched. So, that's why she refused to tell me…She already sold that dimwitted Tsunayoshi, huh? At that, I didn't want to argue anymore. Just hearing that she sold her sister makes me furious even more. Was she even insane right now? Why would she sell her sister to someone like Jagger?! Just sell her at the supermarket and it would be less work and less dangerous.

"Wow. You did really intent to kill your _dear_ sister, Natsu." I said amusingly, consume with hatred. "I congratulate you for succeeding in your plans; to eradicate her and make me hate you Natsu." I did not intend to have slow talks anymore and just ignored her frightened face. This was beyond repair; beyond limit! And I grab my coat and keys and get back my shoes. This is stupid!

"FYI, he was a crazy freak in this town and you gave your sister to him? Congratulation! That was brilliantof you to think that way." I can see her stunned at her seat, face darkened with horror. "She might die the second you meet her. He is a man slaughter. I think there was no need to explain since you knew better than I am. You might regret this Natsumi Sawada! For your whole life!"

And with that I drove my office car to the exact place. Please be safe Tsunayoshi. Please…be safe…

I can't even organize myself. The only thing that concerns me is to capture Jagger and his gang and to rescue her. It's been a while since I have been investigating his crime. It have been reported in my area that he has been involved in several murder, rape cases and unfortunately, the victim's organ had been pulled out and sold to the other country..all for money and money for all. But now, since I already know his hiding place, I can't even slow down. I had to force all my men to stand by and moved towards the said place. I don't know how Natsu could reach this criminal…but, even so, Natsu could be charged to prison for years for abducting case... or even sentenced to death.

I nearly crushed my phone when Kazukabe didn't answer my calls until the tenth times. This time, I really feel helpless and tired. I can't think straight, since the only thing I think about was about the herbivore. What had the beast done to her...? Is she still alive? Is she alright? Had she survived? All these questions make me livid in this madness. I have never feels too insecure like this; but when it comes to _her,_ I become really restless and troubled.

Definitely, there was a secret to her lies that only I know. I bet even Tsunayoshi and Natsu didn't know about this. Just now…I went inside the brunette room, and I found a note. It was the note that she left me saying that she had gone home by herself. It was a lie but it was also the clue to a lie; it is the truth behind the lies, important evidence that can't be ignored. Even I, will believe that note if I didn't realized it at all.

Why would Natsu do this? Why Natsu did all of these things…

Is it all because of me? Did I create the evil Natsu? When I think about it, she did turn like that because of me. It was I who caused her turning into cold-blooded Natsu.

I _am_ really _really_ disappointed with Natsu. How could she do this to her sister? Since when had she changed like this? She was totally different person…Why didn't Tsunayoshi tell me these things earlier? Was her sister that precious to her? Even when she was treated unfairly, cruelly… How can she live happily even when she was blind? How can she live up her life? Her courage always makes me surprised...and sent me speechless. Damn it all.

I am sorry for not giving Natsu the privilege as a dutiful wife. I just can't make her one. She was not the one for me. My heart feels empty when I am with her and my heart was also empty when I wasn't with her. That was the reason why I haven't been at home right after our wedding. It was just to test my feelings for her whether it was true or not; to test my own heart. After two months of our marriage, I came to a conclusion; I did not love her. The love I had for her was already long gone… Before I realized it, it has been too late; it was _damn_ too late…

Natsu was right, it has been always been about Tsunayoshi Sawada. I didn't realized when these feelings had turned into a passionate one.

It was her sister, Tsunayoshi Sawada.

Why didn't I realize it before…? It was always her… her small, beautiful smile that grace her petite lips always made me shiver down my spine. The way that brownie round eyes stare at me even when she can't see me in front of her always made my heart quiver unknowingly. I didn't even remember when I had been missing her soft gentle voice talking with me, fighting with me even when she is scared of me. Why didn't I see this coming?

_I have fallen l for her_, now and then, or even since the first time I get to know her… but I am too self-content to admit it. And now…_am I going lose her_? Before I even started?

I can't even imagine myself without her in my life. For the first time, I'm wishing to live the life together with someone. I want to be with her. Forever.

I didn't realize, I am kicking the pedal to a very high speed; with her face clouding my mind vaguely. I don't want anything bad happened to her. So please…

'_Please be safe, Tsunayoshi…' _I don't want to see you in invulnerable awful states like you had been before. I don't want you to be hurt…

'…so by the time, please save yourself, idiot. Like you always do..'

…

_A year ago.._

_Her body was all on wires and her complexion was pale as sheet as her blood were drain out; there was tubing on her right chest with enormous blood in the bottle below the bed, the doctor said it was to remove the hemothorax from her lung and they keep her breathing using the ventilator. Her sister had to sign consent for numerous pint of blood transfusion and the surgery. I can see many bruises on the brunet limbs and body which were caused by the piercing needles, countless time for the intravenous fluid and medications. About 8 hours fighting between heaven and earth inside the operation theater, she was sent to the intensive care unit and Natsu and I had been waiting nervously for her to be conscious from the effect of anaethesia but unfortunately, her condition became worse after few days without even gaining consciousness. _

The doctor said she wasn't going to be long. My heart sank and Natsu cried for it.

_Natsu always stuck in her grievance and she almost drop out from her school even though it was her last year. She lost her mom and her sister wasn't even better. Thus, our wedding was put off by forced and she was stressed about it. I still can't accept her after what she done to me. She lied to me and I can't find myself to accept her as my wife anymore. It's not only Natsu; another part of myself have long forgotten about the girl called Cielo since I always busied myself with my work and busied myself for that brunette girl. _

_Cielo has not write for me anymore and I was glad that she also disregard me. Maybe she was angry that I ran away on that rightful day; the day when Tsunayoshi got involved in the accident. I can't forgive myself for forsaking her but another part of me was worried about the brunette herbivore even more. I grew edgy for no reason if I didn't see her for a day. _

_Not long after that, Natsu got permanent job and she was not too worried and not under stressed anymore since she had her own money to pay Tsunayoshi hospitalization and repay me back since I had been covered for the bills for months. Not that I want her money though, but Natsu was the one who insisted. There was nothing improved on Tsunayoshi side, except she was transferred to first class ward when the doctor said she was stable and there was nothing to worry about; except for her consciousness. They also had warned us not to expect too much from her. _

_Every day, I would have a clear view of a body lying on the bed; pale and still peaceful-looking, apparently asleep beneath the dark, enchanted ceiling. She had always sleeps serenely like nothing happened, like she was in a deep sleep... She was there but at the same time she wasn't there. She was breathing but at the same time, she wasn't. I always feel insecure whenever the nurse and doctors came inside the room frantically checking her here and there when they noticed something was wrong with her condition. There were times when she had fever, cardiac arrest and sometimes, breathing cessation but luckily everything resolved and she was back to normal. And thank god._

_But who knows, even though she had been unconscious for almost a year, she did quite well. By early September, Tsunayoshi was weaned off her ventilator and breathing on her own. For weeks she gradually improved. And I felt relief; truly relief. She is stable and the doctor said the chances for her to be conscious were greater by then._

_At the silence of the crack of dawn, I got up from the bed every day and all that I wished is to see her conscious and by god's will, she moved her fingers and grab my hands lightly one day. I frantically call upon the doctors but still there was no improvement indeed. All I can see is Tsunayoshi's small frame moving lightly from breathing. Up and down, up…up and down without ever opening her eyes. They said I'm having illusion because I'm hoping for her to be conscious too much and I thought they were right. I'm just imagining it because I missed her so much._

_But sometimes I got this hunched that her heart would stop at any time which made me very antsy and refused to leave her. I sighed and decided that if she doesn't get up now I will stay here forever… even when Natsu had grown suspicious on me, I wouldn't refuse to stay here… I will always be by her side. _

_Always…_

But, at that time I didn't realize that it was love. I might have fallen for her since that time. I kept treating Tsunayoshi like she is my responsibility, since Nana said so. But, unfortunately, my kindness was taken wrongly. Natsu slowly was holding grudge against her unconscious sister.

…

"_Kyouya, marry me…" She looked at me with her sad eyes. There was no love nor did she have repented her mistakes. I could only shrug at my place looking into her blank sunsets eyes. _

_I frowned at her, "Natsu, I thought we had discussed this over – "_

"_Yes. But I still can't let you go. I still want you. And only you. You mean the world to me. I cannot envision living the rest of my life without you in it."_

"_But, Natsu, listen…marriage is something I can't do for you."_

"_Kyouya…" and I can see a couple of tears trickling down her cheek. "…I know you still didn't forgive me. I know what I have done was wrong, but I sincerely hope you can find within yourself the power to forgive me for my lapse in judgment, for breaking my promises, for lying to you." She paused and wipe out her tears, "I am at a loss at this time as to how I could possibly repair the damage that I have done. I don't want to make any promises simply because you most likely cannot trust me anymore."_

"_It isn't about you lying…" I tried to explain to her and she just frowned deeper. _

"_Then, why aren't you marrying me?" I can hear the sorrow in her tone. _

_I just stunned at her question. Why can't I marry her? Because I didn't love her? Is that it? The truth is, I am still trying to find my own reason, my own sanity. _

"_Is it because of my sister?" I suddenly was thunderstruck. "I knew it. It was because of her." she said briefly as I was silent. _

"_It wasn't because of that herbivore." I answered rapidly as if denying everything that she said related to the unconscious brunette. It really wasn't because of her._

"_Then, marry me Kyouya. There was no reason for not marrying me..! Marry me… I can't find myself __ordinary __without you. I need you. All this time I had been living just for you. I love you, Kyouya… I'm still in love with you…" _

'_What was the reason you became like this?' _

_She came closer to me and held my arms tightly, nudging against my chest. "Please…Kyouya… marry me for my sanity. I don't think I can live any happier other than having you in my life. You are the only thing I have in my life…You are the only one I have." She paused._

"_And there were times when I feel like suicide." That's what makes me scared. What if she really killed herself or other people? I can feel her hands were cold and vibrating to my bones. Why was she too scared and too sad. Natsu that I know wouldn't beg someone like this. "I want to have someone that I treasured in my life, even if, it is temporary. Make me your wife, Kyouya.."_

And that was the sole reason of marrying her. To keep her sanity…or else, she would be crazy as to kill herself or homicide.

But, I don't expect that she would go so far as to kill her own sister.

…

"Pon!"

There was a loud shrieking honk coming from behind me and I quickly kick the brake and pull the handbrake causing a loud shrieking sound of the tires against the damp road. Luckily enough, I was another 50 m of breaking through the side road and break my car. I found my hands trembling as I put a hold off the steering. I can't believe that I lose my focus.

_Have I been too scared to lose her?_

I slid a hand over my face to calm myself. Everything would be fine, it's going to be fine…I assure my lonely self but still, I doubted it. For a moment of the breaking night, I took my phone from my side pocket and press the button.

And the person on the phone is responding to my voice.

"Change plan…" I said firmly.

"Are you sure we're going to do this?"

"No.." I hope that I could say yes, but the effectiveness was too thin and I can't confirm it as well. "But yes, we will..."

"alright.." And with that I ended up the call and drive away. I can't help waiting for the order to arrest Jagger. It will be too late to rescue Tsunayoshi if I am to oblige my superior. It can't always be like that. I need to do something on my own, even if my career and my life are at stake...

…

…

Somewhere…

"Hey! Wake up!" the man said running his back hand on the face of an unknown girl besides him unexpectedly almost gently. He sighed desperately, slamming his head to the wall. "Hey, if you aren't going to wake up, I will make sure to drown you with this dirty mud.."He trailed of before he can continue and decided to take a close look of the unconscious girl besides him. Pulling away the strands of the brown bangs away from her forehead, he was shocked to see that it was a very fine woman which was thrown at his way; wandering why she ended down here.

"Crap! Crap. Crap. Crap." He said repeatedly resting his back head to the dark smelly, slimy wall.

"Fine than.. Hey! Wake up you dimwitted girl. Time isn't going to wait for you!" he said impatiently and shove her head even harder.

As if aware of the hard way she was asked to wake up, she flinched at her not so comfy bed, trying to move her body a little, but damn, it's too painful to move and she whined a bit, trying to remember the incidence last night, wished she could forget it.

….

_12:00 midnight_

_THE DAY BEFORE…_

…

"_Dang! Dang! Dang!"_

"Natsu, are you here?" I keep looking for her as she wasn't responding to my call. There were loud bumps on the front door like someone or…hopefully not burglars trying to barge in inside the house. I am totally scared to see outside, not like I can see, or open the door, since I can't do a thing in my condition right now. I'm not strong as I used to be before and my stupidity would only cause more damage.

"NATSU! Where are you?" Still there is no answer. Even when I tried to find her inside the main room, Natsu wasn't there. More than ever, it was at time like this that I wished Kyouya-san is here. Why would he have jobs on his holidays; damned headquarters for having him working tonight.

"Dang! Dang! Dang! Crack!"

The door finally was kicked open and finally, the most things I want to avoid had become a torture to me. I heard the drape sounds of shoes running frantically like cows in the house and I quickly ran into my bedrooms with hardship. There were few times when I stumble down the floor and the stairs in my blindness. I can feel my skin turning colder and I hardly breathe in the cold breeze. I touch the switch on the right side of my room and turned it off. Closing my door rapidly and locked it. I frantically slid down behind my bed and grab some metal staff from my desk and used it as my protection.

'What is going to happen to me?' And at this critical time I begun to cursed myself for being blind. 'Shit!'

Suddenly, the silent fell and I began to feel a lot more secure and got up from my hiding. There was a soft knock on the door.

"Tsuna?" I blinked in recognition of the voice and rubbed my blind eyes as I went to the door slowly. Natsu?

"Tsuna?" and there was a knock again. "Are you in there?"

'Is it really Natsu?' and I put my ear closed to the door to hear the soft dull voice once again.

"Have, you eaten, Tsuna? Why are you locking the door?"

'So, was it my imagination just now? It was not the burglar but Natsu? Thank god!' I took a deep breath and gave out a sigh of relief. And open the door slowly, shuddering and still feeling scared.

I can already feel my tears were running down my cheek as I open the door and hear my sister's voice. 'Natsu…'

"Tsuna..What's wrong with you?" She asked containing worries in her voice. And I stretched out my hands to hold her, to have her hold me close. I was really scared to death and trembling to my bone and feeling numb; that I hardly feel anything else.

Soon enough, I can feel her warm hands around my wrist as she pulled me into her bosom. The horror completely vanished and subsides...but that was not forever until the grabs turning harder as if choking my throat. "Nat-su..."

"What's wrong Tsuna?" She answered but this time her voice sounding so cynical and sarcastic in my ear.

"What – the hell – you – doing?!" I hardly breathe and my voice won't come out clearly.

"What's wrong Tsuna? Are you having panic attack?" and she giggle evilly at that. She sounded distant from me.

No way! It was then I realized, it was not Natsu who was holding me, but another woman. "Who are you?!" and I struggle hard to release myself from her strong hold. "Kyouya-san!"

"Tsuna dear, shhh…don't tell Kyouya…She's my friend, sweetie." And my eyes widen in horror. Terrified. Scared. The rough grab around me were tighten and I felt choke once again when my lungs was crushed hardly against the wall. It's too painful. It will be break if this goes on. My stomach churned in burning sensation, my heart was beating faster like a train and my lungs feels heavy and stuck, and I find myself struggle to breathe.

"Let…Go..Me…Sucker…" and the next thing I realized, I find my body flying high and bumped hard to the wall before rolling down the stairs and my head hit the edge of the desk. It' hurt. My body seems to cry in pain all over. It was damn too painful and I can't even bring myself to sit or even raise my hands. I can't move. I think my legs broken right now…

"Kyouya-san…"

"Hahahahaha!" She laughed. I can't believe my ears. My own sister is laughing at me..!

'Natsu, why are you doing this to me'? I cried wistfully in my heart and the warm tears streaming down my cheek. My mouth felt dry and I taste my own blood and its painful to speak.

"Serve you right Tsuna! Kyouya isn't home right now! So, no one can help you!" She shrills again and again accompanied by the voices of many others.

'How many are there who keeps torturing me? So, I was right when I sensed many people were running in the house. I was right. Why couldn't I trust my hunched?'

"She is weaken now..Shall we take her now?"

"Do as you like. I don't care. I just want her disappears."

'How can she say that? I am her sister, aren't I? So, - why?' and I only cried ironically in my heart silently. 'I can't believe this.'

"Wow, Natsu. Now, I really I hope you were my boss this time around. You know how I hate working under that stinky old man over there right?"

"Oh, well… If, I'm the highest in the selection of course."

"Oh..certainly, we will.." They smirk and laugh out loud.

"_Serve you right Tsuna!"_ Those words kept resonance in my mind. Where have I heard someone saying it to me scornfully last time? I can't remember. Even if I tried too, I only found myself engulfed in migraine. I am doomed…

I barely open my swollen blooded eyes, and I wished I could hear Kyouya's voice searching for me, fighting for me, protected me…save me…. "Kyouya…help me…"

My voice was hoarse as I whispered and my throat feels too painful, like it's burning from the inside. I think, they had my throat ruptured and I had to swallow the metallic blood.

"Natsu..help me…" I cried for her..But only to get a kick on my abdomen that it hurts and my body curls in c –shape. That kick was too strong. 'Is it Natsu who kicked me?'

"Wow..Natsu-chan, you kick your own sister. Badass girl.."

'Yes…it's her…'

"Shut up." She sound really infuriates. "And I don't have sister! She could barely live right now. Take her now, before she died in this house. I don't want her body tainted my husband's house."

"Alright." And I found myself were hanging on someone shoulder. My abdomen…it's painful. And the blood is trickling down my head. My head feels heavy. "Send my regard to your boss, Jagger..."

"Bye. Tsuna-chan. So long…we'll never meet again. Hahaha!"

"_Serve you right Tsuna!" _the words echo again; hunting me mentally.

And I found myself detach from this world. I can't hold this suffering anymore; the pain, the agony, and this sadness. I can't contain it. I can't even find myself to cry. There was nothing left for me to cry. My own sister had disregard me..She hates me… and I wonder if there was any reason for me to live in this world. Mama…tells me…Do I have any reason to live?

When I think clearly, I have certainly nothing in my life. Nothing...to hold on…

'_Kyouya-san…'_ I murmured as a flash of his face appear in my memory before I gave up myself and drown into the deep of unconsciousness wandering in my dream for someone to help me..

…

…

'_Kyouya-san…'_

…

…

'_Kyouya-san…'_

'_Help me!'_

…

END CHAPTER 7!

R & R if you please..!

Hint: about the letter Kyouya found in the room… what was the clue to a lie?


	9. Chapter 8- The Angel From Hell

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

NOTE: Sorry..it was left hanging for too long.. sorry for those waiting but it was because, I'm lacking in motivation to do it. (evil...huh?..) So in short, less reviews less motivation. But, despite of all that, I'm still writing aren't I? hahaha.. By the way…thanks a lot Nightstar for still reviewing this story!

Continued from the last chapter…

Attention please..! This is not the first preview anymore..

…for now…

…

**THELOVE I HAD PART 8…**

**The fallen angel from hell…**

…

"We're here." The long blue haired man said while looking deep into the horizon with a small smirk on his face. They immediately stop and staring at each other in confusion when they saw an absolutely devastated field with six feet tall bushes and mud all smelly surrounding the old and positively hunted 4 stories bungalow with an old tower behind the house. It was almost dawn when they arrived at the said place, and everybody was already exhausted to make another step ahead, especially not into that smelly and disgusting mud which almost look like sewage plant.

"Eww! Are you sure we're at the right place?" the short red haired little girl namely M.M asked out of curiosity with pursed lips disliking the idea that they will have to crossed _that_ along the way. No way in hell, she is a girl for god sake! Even though it was a damned big bungalow, the probability that the present bungalow which was surrounded by bushes and mud probably have wild animals or even anacondas stray there, but she can see it clearly that it was used to be a beautiful home sweet home to the owner with the lilies covering the pond's surface. Oh, god! Why was she praising the place that would be her misery the next minute?! It was just an unattended house and pond and it's _not_ beautiful. She reminded herself. _No,_ she perhaps should remind herself that it _is _beautiful pond, so that she will be able to cross it.

The blue haired man just looks sideways through his infamous unmatched heavenly blue and hellish red eyes with a smirk on his face before he darted away looking at their target. "Stop complaining M.M. It will end soon."

"But, this isn't the place we were informed! Its located at the west. This is _east_, for god sake! What the hell are we doing here?!" She pulled her snickers away and stares disgustingly at the muddy snickers. "And it's dirty, Mukuro-san. And I hate it!" she finished it crossing her arms in front of her chest protesting. The leader just laughs eerily and looks up ahead with a soft smile escape his lips.

"Mukuro-san…Is it true that the person we're searching is here?"

He didn't answer encouragingly. "We wouldn't know if we're not going through this." He said while folding his trousers to his calf, enough to maintain its cleanliness and pulling away his boots and snickers.

"Err..can I not remove them? It's kinda…erm…disgusting…" M.M said again with her dirt face while looking at the pale white of her boss legs like it was a delicious lunch. She can only licked her lips and bite her own cheek to prevent her lust gets out of control.

"Do as you like M.M. What are you? Five?" He said mockingly and M.M back away with pursed lips, wearing back her boots ignorantly.

"But, Mukuro-san…we're tired already." This time the guy with blonde spiky hair said sluggishly.

"Keep it to yourself Ken, it's almost dawn and we need to hurry up fast or we will lose _it._" The other guy with spectacles said calmly as he pulled his sleeves up and then wipes his cloudy spectacles with his still clean shirt.

"But – Chi"

"Ken! Shhh!" M.M hushed him out on his lips as she saw the look her beloved boss had on his face, such terror and annoyance face.

"Cut it out. We must be careful this on ahead. Don't leave any track. Understand?" He ordered menacingly.

"But, how are we going to erase our footsteps? In this…mud?" Ken asked again earning 3 pairs of cold stares in his direction. "What -?"

"Don't bother about the foot print around these bushes, my lad. We still have 3 hours to settle and until then we already gone from here."He said calmly.

"Are you sure, Mukuro-sama?" Chikusa asked dispiritedly. No – he always seems out of it.

"Of course he is! He is perfect!" M.M said encouragingly, beaming a cheerful smile while hiding her scrumptious smirk behind that smile.

"So, cut the chase shall we?"

"No-!" M.M trying to complain again but immediately stop when Mukuro Rokudo threw his sharp glare. "I want to be a group with you Mukuro-san.." she mumbled slowly under her breath enough to be heard by Chikusa who stand besides her with his hands in his pocket.

She suddenly looked red and bashful looking down to her shoes and both Ken and Chikusa look at her sideways whilst Mukuro was smiling to himself looking at his cute follower pouting and mocking each other making their journey more merrier. He was glad because, perhaps they are his only _friends_.

"From this point on," he said breaking the meaningless arguments, "let's split up and escape on our own."

The three lads were speechless, _aren't they a group?_

"From here on out, I can get away by myself if anything, but you three will just get in the way." The three of them wasn't too surprised at his selfish demand. They had known him for a long time and they knew that he took their safety more than anybody else would do. _Like the last time they escape…_

"Remember to meet us at 652750 around 7.00 AM. The underground route leads to the river. And – be careful." Chikusa said as he shoved his glasses to his this thin nose.

"Hmph.." The boss huffed ignorantly. "Same to you." He said one last time sending his vicious smirk to the three, who was obviously feeling blissful, then he crouched on top of the ivy walls before he jump out and disappeared into the mist like a ghost.

…

XXXXXX

_**Namitown Police Department**_

"Get out of my way!" Kyouya Hibari grunts under his breath with a clear angry expression shown on his face which was rarely happened in his life.

"-The hell?!" the other tanned guy grew irritated as he was shoved aside harshly when he happened to cross line with the furious Kyouya Hibari. It was later he noticed that it _was_ Hibari; his supposed to be comrade in their very own department.

"Wait! Hibari!" The skylark couldn't hear or just ignore him, he didn't know. All that he knew was that, this skylark have a weird peculiar expression on his face that was very rare to the extreme since he is the guy to keep his cool all the time. "I call to wait to the EXTREME! Hibari!" He shouted at last making the whole level- no – probably the whole building to be resonance with his hoarse voice.

And at that, the skylark turned around, lips twitching in annoyance and synchronizing as if saying, _'I will beat you to death for disturbing me.'_

And he goes away. Just like that.

Ryohei could not ignore it and can't help but feeling annoyed at his arrogance bastard _friend_. Not that Hibari would admit it though. "What the hell happened to you?!" He runs getting closer to Hibari and before he even tapped his shoulder, that skylark was already stabbing him with dagger glare. And he touches his shoulder anyway causing a loud disgruntled sound escape those thin lips again.

"It's none of your business!" He said harshly shoving of the tanned hand from his shoulder and immediately pulling out his phone again and pushed the speed dials. Many times. But he end up looking frustrated every times it was unattended. Damn.

"What's wrong with you? Moreover – your brows all wrinkle so badly." Ryohei said again pushing hard on Hibari's middle forehead with his finger trying to loosen up the wrinkles eyebrow. Hibari lips twitches again at his rude behavior. How dare he mess with me?!

"Here!" The raven decided to stay cool when an idea crossed his mind and he shoved the phone to the taller guy on the stomach. "Why won't you talk to _him_ and ask _his_ permission to take over Jagger case." Ryohei is dumfounded as he took the phone all blank.

"What do you mean, Hibari! I don't understand to the extreme!"

"Hmph! I forgot.. YOU! No matter how much I explain will be - meaningless!" The pale hand harshly grabs back the phone from the tanned hand, didn't bother to look over his flat face.

"I wouldn't understand if you don't tell me anything, HIbari!" The one year older man scoffed back trailing after the ignorant Hibari who was walking very fast ahead into another office. He didn't understand what the hell was going on inside the raven's grey matter that he was talking over too much tonight.

"Hn." The raven scoffed back heatedly.

But one thing for sure, he can't leave his arrogant friend doing something dangerous on his own, alone. He felt weird enough when they were hiding from the security guards as they were running through the hall into the dark room. Inside the other office, the raven didn't even bother to switch on the lights and his slim fingers keep searching for files inside all the steel drawers and then back to the white board where all notes regarding wanted cases were pasted for everybody to read.

"Hibari, what – " Ryohei then whispered slowly. "This is the commissioner's office for god sake. What were you doing inside _his _office?! And what are you trying to find?!" He hissed desperately wanting an answer.

"It's complicated. My sister…no my wife – she" his hands stop mingles with the files and his eyes look absent right through the window. It was his very first time seeing Hibari ever looking all confused and problematic like this. And he felt sorry for this big guy.

"Don't worry, you don't have to explain anything to me –" He said hands rested on the cold shoulder, Hibari's cold eyes give him shiver to his spine but he didn't care, a bit. "Tell me, what to do. I'll help you to the extreme!"

The skylark glare fell to the ground before he turned around reading the files on the hand with the help of the neon lights around the city. "I – had ordered Kasukabe and my men to follow Jagger."

"W-what?! No! Since when did your grey matter aren't functioning?!" Ryouhei ran a hand through his thick blonde hair feeling helpless. And since when did he knew the words 'grey matter'. Ryohei was impressed for a moment. "You can't act alone when it goes to that _Vindice_! You knew it!"

"I can work even better without other herbivores like _you_ around." Hibari said totally committed of doing something that could sacrifice his position and left him unemployed and Ryohei was at lost to say anything.

"Okay! Tell me, Hibari! Let me help you to the extreme; though I don't really understand the extreme context!"

Hibari force himself to just ignore his very own annoyance which was build up instantly by _this _herbivore. His voice was too loud that it could be heard by anybody! And here he was, is trying to do something discreet and confidential.

It's better to just tell him anything –

"Hibari-!".

"Here –" Hibari said as he threw the tanned guy a pile of note and Ryohei tried to catch them almost dropping them to the floor. He can't even remember a thing anyway. Hibari always wonders how the hell he got to be a police with his low IQ.

"You can read it and follow my plan." Ryohei was about to say something when Hibari interrupted almost immediately with his menacing voice, "You read, you follow and you obeyed, you don't ask why or how, or saying this is extreme. Got it?" Ryohei nodded frantically at his demands and quickly ran out from the building to find somewhere safer to read the notes, currently is the strategy to cordon off Vindice.

But even before he step out from the building, the security bell squealing loudly making the sleeping police on guard on running to find the perp. "SHIT!" Kyouya hissed angrily. Both Kyouya and Ryohei were eventually separated in the runaway and both were working their ass off to save themselves and make out the plan.

Xxxx

The boy was hiding behind that curtain. He sigh boredom, scratching his forehead. Sweat trickling down his forehead from inside the old dusty costume, a mascot… a _frog like_ mascot. He found it while he was on running from the violent bearded man with long hair flying over to his face. Not that he knew who was chasing him like a grim. He just run and run, and now is trying to catch his own breath as he crouched down beside an old table and decided that he just hide inside an old wooden cupboard spotted inside the old room.

At the edge of the room, a certain blue haired man was swearing under his breath as he too was trying to catch up with his prey, "Why the hell was he trying to run from me?" he sighed. He tried to pull away the plastic bag and the torn cloth from his face and dust off his whitish haired which only made him looked like an old man. He was sure that it was the green haired boy who had done him with his stupid tricks. It was the same old trick since 4 years ago. But, still… fell for it – "FLAN.. You can't hide from me."

The boy startled as the blue haired guy slammed the door opened; hard and impatient. He decided it's better to sit quietly inside the cupboard without a sound. He even ceased his breathing more than he can take; and he chocked and coughs in his hiding place. His hand immediately flies to his mouth and the other to his stomach to avoid coughing even more. Mukuro Rokudo was extending his hand trying to reach out to the cupboard when somebody passed by the room and he ceased his intention as the cracking sounds were replaced by the sounds of footsteps – so many footsteps.

He swears again and hides behind the curtain of the bathroom. He could have reach Flan if those guys didn't appear. They walked towards the cupboard slowly and silent. And Flan's eyes widen behind that big frog head costume. It is big enough to fit his body in when he sit holding his knees. He cupped his mouth and his body is sweating profusely. The gangster was staring right through him from the opening of the cupboard, but nobody noticed that he was inside that mascot. And he was saved again by a stupid gangster.

"He's here!" one of the man shouted out loud letting the other know.

There, Rokudo Mukuro was standing firmly with his hand holding his trident crossed side like a warrior. Unable to pursue Flan, he would rather no one get their hands on him. He hissed heatedly and ready with fighting stance. But he would rather choose to run away from the spot because Flan might be involved.

"I know it's you…"

He answered with just an ominous smirk on his face.

He was about to make his first move when suddenly another group had come kicking the door, so hard that it was broken in pieces.

"Nice to see you again." the leader wickedly mocking then dumb his cigarettes to the floor and squeeze it with his boots. " - bastard." and he smile evilly. "My mood has been down seeing your face right now."

"Kufufu..so what asshole, I'm not in mood to meet you too. So - " He put on his fighting stance as the other man came closer and cornered him around in the centre like a guinea pig. They were smiling wickedly, body drench in disgusting smelly sweat and mouth stench of alcohol. "- if you please excuse me."

"Come to your sense and we will spare you."

"Kufufufu." the eerie laugh resonance in that empty room, "spare me? Don't make me laugh." his voice turned heavy and serious.

They cornered him closer until their toned bodies cramp him down to the floor. They just laugh victoriously as they saw helpless and lonely Mukuro. But they didn't notice the glint of light in Mukuro's mismatch eyes which shows no mercy. Next second, they found their friends were sent flying to the wall and they heard their comrade squealing in pain and horror. Blood dripping down the long trident which had mercilessly stab and cut their friend's flesh. Blood gushing out profusely with the intestine protrude out from their stomach, head and hands cuts into more than one. Mercilessly, cruely.

"MUKURO ROKUDO!"

"Oya oya...don't be mad…There is only one reason for your downfall and that is… because you have encountered me. Kufufufu.." He laughs mockingly.

"How dare you betray our boss!" the other shouted.

And the other men stare in horror with vengeance deepening in their heart. Mukuro knew he had to run away before they found Flan, his brother. He needs to rush out instead of fighting them. It is useless, endless and wasting his energy. So he fled up, jumping on the old balcony "See you again...kufufu.." He said and jumps, leaving his x-companion dumfounded and shouting in madness.

He crushed onto the broken window and rolled on his back down to the floor with scattered glasses all around. He went to another floor below him without thinking. All he thinks about was Flan. He can't stop his movement and get up on his knee abruptly causing sharp pain on his spine and knees as he sprawl on an old desk. He stares into the house and he saw ambitious ceiling and 13 seats table in front of him. "So...this is the kitchen." He walked limping through the dark kitchen holding his bleeding arms tightly hoping that the bleeding would stop, dragging his feet through the dead bodies inside the room. His followers probably had kills them off.

The rain is pouring down heavily and he didn't realize the night was raining until he jumps out from the window. His mismatch eyes look thoroughly on each side seeking for his enemy and fortunately there were none. It's better if they believed he was dead by now. He had over used his energy and now, he has problem with his cramp muscles. It's been so long since he involved in a fight. He had to use the old oven and stove on each side for support as he feels like fainting from the dizziness.

He was going to give it all rest and surrendered to his unconsciousness when suddenly he trip on a log; which only if it was a log but it was a human. And it's a she. "What the hell is the weak little girl doing here?" He hissed as slide his back to the wall and to the wet dirty floor.

"Hey! Wake up!" the man said running his back hand on the face of an unknown girl besides him unexpectedly almost gently. He sighed desperately, slamming his head to the wall. "Hey, if you aren't going to wake up, I will make sure to drown you with this dirty –"He trailed of looking at his now dirty bloodied hand in disgust, feeling sorry for the girl. It was left undecided and he took a close look of the unconscious girl besides him. Pulling away the strands of the brown bangs away from her forehead, he was enthralled to see that it was a very fine woman which crossed in his way. His hand keeps trailing her pale cheekbone wandering why she ended down here.

After a moment of mesmerizing the girl, he pulled away and a soft grunt escaped from his mouth. "Kufufufu… Enchanting..." Before he could caress that pale lips, he heard a crack sounds from the hall like someone was trailing him. "Crap. Crap." He swears repeatedly slamming his back head to the greenish mossy wall, gently, slowly. Tired and endless. Trying to push his body up.

"Hey! Wake up you,...girl. Time isn't going to wait for you..." he said impatiently and idly shoving her head even harder. He even want to kick her – hard, until she was conscious. That was, until the sounds were more audible.

The predators were closer…

And his nerves told him to run away instead of giving up to his dark world. But the problem is; there was another person with him.

_How can he leave her alone?_

XXXX

At the silent of dawn she wakes up without too much struggle.

'_Where am I?' _

Tsuna looked over her face on the mirror. _'Wait. I can see my face?! And who was that girl?'_

The girl was crying at that time….when she spoke to someone older than her

"Mama...What should I do when the person I love didn't know that it was me?" and she cried in her bosom.

And Tsuna was struck speechless… _'Mama?Mama? And why did the girl resemble me? Wait. Is that me?'_

"I didn't tell him…and I am too ashamed of myself and felt guilty towards the girl (Natsu)…but I love him so much…that my heart hurts…mama…" She looked up to her mama's gentle face.

'_It is me..!' _Tsuna was shock that she saw her own memory.

_And mama…_ Her heart sank when she remembered that her mama had long gone..

Mama… it's been so long since I called her that. She looked so warm and gentle. And she hugged me, tenderly…

'_And I miss you mama…I never thought that it was the last hug you gave me. If I knew it, I would hug you forever and never leaves you_.'

"He loves you, you know." She whispered and pulled back a small smile on her face. It looked so painful yet encouraging. She was telling me that I should not give up.

'_Yes…I shouldn't give up.'_

"Tell him, tell him you love him, before it was too late." She whispered softly against my ear.

In the memory I just saw myself staring at her with eyes all teary.

"I'm not telling you to pick a fight with the other girl, but tell him. It was you who met him first. You have to make a choice. I believe he will forgive you and accepted it. But it takes time…"

'_Yes…I shouldn't give up.'_

And with that, I had made up my mind…I will meet him… two days later. It was supposed to be two days later I will meet him and I was waiting for every single minute with needless anxiety burdening my heart. It would stop beating just because of panic attack.

'_Yes..I should have met him, but why didn't I meet him? What happened?'_

Suddenly my head was shot with sharp pain. Another memory came into my mind. It hurt so much that it would break. _'Why didn't I meet him? What happened?'_

"TSU-KUN!"

"_MAMA!"_

'_What happened?!'_

And then, I saw myself getting hit mercilessly and fell into the deep of unconsciousness.

…

No!

…

NO!

…

"NO!"

…

"_WAKE UP!"_ and my eyes were forced wide open, brain pounding severely against my bloodied skull and apparently I am probably in a dark, smelly, and damp place.

"Wh-where am I?" and I felt pain rose over my throat as I tried to speak and my voice is almost unheard to anybody but me…and I suddenly feel thirsty and helpless…

"You had awake." He paused, and I was trying to understand something here. What's going on? My mind was still blur and cloudy. And – I am..with a man. And my alert immediately clicked on.

"Who- who are you!" I tried to speak but my voice didn't come out as loud as it should. My hands move to my throat as if trying to ease the pain. It feels so hot and painful and thirsty and I just swallowed down the remaining blood inside my mouth.

"Relax...you shouldn't force yourself to speak." He said calmly again. And then I realize that my throat was bandaged with a cloth. But unfortunately to that man, I feel so scared and terrified as if I could sense the evil deed the guy had done. I can sense his overflow power and his dark energy which only made me drag my ache body along the ground.

"There was nowhere to go." He said loosely. "But to stay with me. Kufufufufu.."

Then, I suddenly came to my sense at his eerie laugh. Oh..I remember. I was being kidnapped...

No...it was my own sister. She threw me into this abyss. And I probably didn't have anywhere to run like what he said. Maybe, he bought me...to be his slave...

My heart crumbles again at the thought.

"Where am I? Who are you?" I tried to compose myself to calmly ask despite of the nervousness, the fear and ignore the pain rising over my throat and trachea. 'I was bought by someone.' I sighed in resignation knowing that I can't call for help now. It's late. Damn too late. My vocal cord probably was broken when the thugs strangle me likely to death inside Kyouya's house just now. Or...was it yesterday..?

"Who- who are you? Are you my master now?" I ended up cursing myself for stuttering in my words. I tried to sit up at best instead of lying on the ground and I knew myself better. Wounds had taken over my body and I wonder how Kyouya would acts regarding this.

"I'm sorry for being rude. Kufufufu.."

'That laugh again...' I mentally ranted in my mind. He gives me shiver just by his laugh. And what more – he is the one who bought me from the thugs. And instinctively, I brought my body to the back even more.

"S-stay away from me!" I had to shout and defense myself but unfortunately my voice came out like a little stray kitten mewing.

"Kufufufu...interesting girl indeed… N_o wonder you are here."_

"W-what do you mean?"

"Do you know what is this place called?"

"Don't change the subject."

"It's called the _dark vindice prison_. There was nowhere to run, you lived in agony and darkness without a sound, without a glint of light, without foods thrown at you until...you die, your body rot in here without being buried and die painfully, thinking how to escape desperately, regret your old deed..." He was closer to my face and I sniffed his breath, smells like tuna. Oh god, I'm hungry it seems. "Except IF you were strong enough to run from here."

I can feel my hands trembling and my gut swirling uncomfortably. This man was very threatening and is to be terrified of. Maybe he was just lying, or maybe it was the truth. If it was the truth...does that mean, he is same as me?

I feel uncomfortable at the close contact and slide back to the wall to rest only for a second when suddenly, the man pulled me harsh, closer to his chest. "What - !" I was shocked at first and struggled to get away as I felt his hands gripping my arms.

"What - are you !"

"Shhhh!" and he cupped my mouth with his hands and hold my body in his arms tightly and so close.

I tried to fight and loosen his grabs on my mouth, but it just got tighter and harsher that it pained my face. And he was still quiet and freeze like a statue. I couldn't steal a look of his face, but I knew he was alarmed about something and I tried to loosen up. Are the thugs trying to find me? I suddenly felt scared as the memories of being strangled and kick and thrown flying to the ground floating in my mind. I am scared...and my grips on his shirt were tighter.

"I'm here..." he suddenly voice out slowly as if he knew what was going on inside my head; he tried to coax me. My eyes widen in shock as I tried to raise my face to look at the man's face...and I remembered only one person...

'_Kyouya...'_

_I can only remember Kyouya._

And I calmed down. His grabs turning gentler and I let myself being held closer like that. It was unexpectedly very comfortable and very warm. 'He isn't a bad guy...he isn't a bad guy...' I tried to comfort myself.

I could only lean in his strong arms and shared his warmth and later, my face is on his chest which smells like lilies. The smells suddenly reminded me of Kyouya's fragrance, his closets.

Sadly, it wasn't Kyouya who came to my rescue. But I can only hope.

'_Kyouya...will you ever find me in this depth of darkness? Will you ever find me?'_

A tear dripping down my eyes and as if he realized that I was crying...he held me closer…and I surrender myself to a stranger like him...

…

_-END OF CHAPTER 8-_

_Reviews are always appreciated._

_R & R _for better!

Hint: Is Mukuro on the evil side or bad side…? (I simply love Mukuro being the sweet devil here)


	10. Chapter 9 - The Skylarks

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

Continued from the last chapter…

**THELOVE I HAD PART 9…**

**The Intermission of the Skylarks**

…

…

"HEY! BOTH OF YOU! STOP AT WHERE YOU ARE!" the sounds of trigger being pulled and steps made both Kyouya and Sasagawa to stop or else, they wouldn't hesitate to shoot. Generally… everybody in this section was trained like that.

"Hibari …" Ryohei whispered behind my back with his eyelids downward, "I'm sorry.." Saying he's sorry after we've been caught red handed make me even more irritated. I was going to smash his head with my gun if the familiar grim voice didn't come from behind us. Fast, and slow…

"What was wrong with you?" The head commissioner's voice was deeper and slow; enough to make Ryohei quivering beside me, excluding myself. That turf head can't seem to yell like he always does when the head commissioner was right in front of him and I just smirk at that, wondering why would anybody would be afraid of that guy?

"Hmph.." I answered halfheartedly and chose to walk away from him. It's maddening to just stand there – just to be warned. I can't stand it, if it is _him._

"I command you to stop!" He yelled; obviously was showing off his authority and power. He is the only human whom daringly yelled at me…and because of that, I have several times trying to change department, rather than getting mental stress, but still end up here – together with this _snob_.

Oh – did I mention before? That's because the head commissioner is actually my older brother with different mother, Alaude.

I don't know the reason why we so distant; but the energy between us is always negative even though we were brothers with the exact same face and attitude, except for the hairs and eye colors. My mother is a Japanese but his mother is not; maybe she was from foreign country since that snob have the non-Asian colors.

"Hibari!" I just ignorantly ignore him and walk forward; Ryohei just followed me from behind ducking his head from the angry face of the head department.

"Kyouya Hibari." He called right when our face crossed. I walked away, avoiding any eyes contact, and disregard his small, mumbled "I'm your boss and you _are_ to obey me." If my ears burn or my chest felt a bit tight, it was because of his smug face and his bossy attitude.

"Oh.." My steps stop and I turned to face my arrogant brother, showing him my flat face. "Sorry? I can't quite catch that." Scratching my earlobe.

"I'm not fooling around. I know you are not." he said cynically.

"Maybe I am when it comes to work and you."

"Kyouya - !"

"I don't think I have done anything wrong here." I interfered.

"Is breaking the rules and taking confidential document from my office, not wrong? Are you retard?!" Alaude keep scolding me about last night event but, worse come to worse, it was this stupid boxing lovers fault. Ryohei was caught last night and my plan almost ruin. _Almost.. Darn it._ _His cover -_ was – _almost _been blown out! '_Stupid Ryohei!' _

I shoot my infamous glare to Ryohei who was supposed to keep things secret. The document I gave him last night (it's already morning right now) – he lost it like usual and luckily it was a dummy. And Luckily - I already have my backup.

And it's not in my calculation that Alaude will come forth by himself.

"It would take years if I have to wait for your authorization."

'_There was no time to regret.'_

"It doesn't matter, Kyouya. Do not think so highly of yourself. One such as you does not possess the skill to be of use to that case." He sternly said without looking straight into my eyes and his face shows disgust; like I am some nuisance and not needed. Oh…and I really despise him for that.

'_Because this is an important matter of mine.' _And my chest flared again.

"If you have something against me, just say ahead and don't go round about." I can feel my heart racing as I speak. I want to get out of here now, since I have tight schedule.

'_Tsunayoshi'._

Alaude then throwing his dagger glare to Ryohei and signaling him to leave and without hesitation the turf head vanished from the damn floor with guilty smiles on his face. I can't stop my eyes from eyeing him like there will be no more tomorrow for that reckless blonde. _I'll make sure of it. _I can only curse inside my heart since he left his mess for me to clean.

'_Who does he think he is?!'_ and I have to force myself to settle down or this whole floor will meet its' end.

'_Heck, this ignorant bastard was insulting me and adding oil in a fire.'_

Ryohei was clever enough while he knows better that he can't say a word when both of Alaude and I were…well– being bias. I cursed under my breath when that herbivore was being excluded when he was the reason I had to face the hated commissioner. "What do you want from me?"

"Just tell me what the hell you have been planning the whole night. You kept budging me with your annoying phone calls in the middle of night, for god sake." He said in his stern voice and somehow, it feels like seeing my own self saying things to me which made me annoyed even more.

I growled. "Wow…Since when have you been investigating all the things I did? I don't need you. I'll do it in my own way."

"Hibari… I'm not investigating you. But –"

"Shut up. I don't want to hear _anything_ from your mouth."

"Regardless of who or what you are, anyone who disturbs my policy will be cut down."

"Cut the crap, will you? Since I am pretty occupied, why don't you stop wasting my time?" A sighed of boredom escape my lips.

"I still want to know your reason for digging your own grave." It didn't surprise me that he is still persistent. "What is –"

"Natsu knows. Ask her."

And with that, I left him in confusion which has yet been cleared. It was the least I can say about the things happened. I don't even know where to start since it has been crumbled – too complicated.

I wonder how he will act…Since it was _Natsu_.

I walked out fastening my pace trying to brush off the annoying memories that suddenly come into view.

"Hibari! " But someone nudging me harshly from behind causing me almost losing my control and the painful memories immediately fades away. Still, it was not because of the annoying blonde herbivore that the memories faded, but since his annoying presence reminds me of the almost fail mission to save that weakling.

That weakling herbivore; Tsunayoshi Sawada. I didn't remember ever experienced losing someone dear to me. I desperately want to see her that I cannot distinguish myself either. Everything seems incomplete.

It has been almost two days she was missing.

How is she?

Did she eat?

Did she try to escape by herself?

But I just shook my head at the thought. Knowing that herbivore, she would have done anything to save her friends ever since I had known her in her high school. But, as to this case where her sister is involved…I wonder… if she would just let herself being toyed or dumped like that.

"Stupid herbivore." I didn't even realize that I had mouthed something verbally until the annoying Ryouhei was asking me again and again until I glared him.

She loves Natsu so much, since she is her only family. What was the thing she saw in her evil sister I wonder? I just don't get it since my relation with my brother was awful since our childhood, not to say; we're getting worse when we were older.

I still don't want to be different.

"Hibari! What were you thinking right now?!" Ryohei stood before me, stopping my steps.

As far as I go, the last thing I was impressed was that, this blonde herbivore still followed me obediently anywhere like a dog no matter what I do. Should I tame him like another herbivore?

"Oii!"

"Shut up. Just follow me if you are still with me, idiot." And he just followed me like a tamed herbivore…and I was actually thankful for that, that I didn't realized a smirk curled on the edge of my lips until he talked back to me saying stupid things like, "WAHH!I can't believe I saw you smiling."

And he end up getting swollen. Of course, bitten by me.

No way would I show him my gratitude.

"Fear me if you dare."

...

…..

_Tsunayoshi POV_

…

"They are gone. Let's go!" He whispered in my ears and pulled me harshly.

"What - are you !"

"Shhhh!" and he cupped my mouth with his hands again. "Talk. Slowly. Or they will find us here. We're in a sort of cave, and our voice resonance in here.

He wanted to drag me out, but I found my legs stiffened at the pain and they won't follow my order. No. It was not the pain, but it's like my legs was numb. I can't feel them below my waist. And slowly…I let go of his shirt, thinking that I will just trouble him.

"What's wrong?" He paused.

"It's alright. Just leave me here. You should just escape on your own. Don't bother about me." My heart sank when I said them…truthfully I was scared and hesitated to say it. I don't want to be left alone, I'm afraid of being alone…but...I don't want to a burden for him either...

"What were you saying?!" He sounds angry and I shrugged away.

"Don't you hear me? Just – just leave me here." And I pulled away, taking my hands from his firm grips.

"So – you would rather to die here?"

"No- whatever…I don't want to think of it."

"Is there no one out there waiting for you?"

"No… as I know…" My voice wasn't thrown out. It feels sad to say pitiful things to some stranger.

"Are you really that worthless?"

"SHUT UP!" I suddenly flared up at the 'worthless' word. I know I am worthless! But it was because..I – ..I..am..different… "Just say anything you want. Just go! Without me!" I continued and staring up high with a big sigh as my back eyes already stung. I don't want to burden you. Is what I wished to say, but ended hidden in my heart.

I tried to fight and loosen his grabs on my hands, but it just got tighter and rougher that my wrist pained. He drags me harder to get me on my foot.

But the weakness is severe and I fell plummeted on the ground again.

"Just save your own..." I can feel the hot tears already shedding from my cheek.

"…"

"Please…go…I'm begging you…I will just become a burden for you…"

"I appreciates that you wanted to save me. But I don't think that was the problem."

He suddenly released his grip on my hands and the sounds of shoes stepping into the room resonance loudly which makes me shiver to my spine. I tried to get up to reach for some log or anything to be used as defense but suddenly I felt a presence of someone in front of me, "Don't move. They were surrounding us."

For a moment I thought it was Kyouya, but it was not. It was that stranger who I forgot to asked his name earlier. Was there a need to know?

Mukuro without hesitation stretched out his hands in front of Tsuna whilst his other hand was holding his trident in his fighting stand.

"I told you to get away, without me. Idiot…"

"And I told you I want to save you, stupid." and with that my eyes widen and I felt a swift of breeze upon my face before his presents gone; and the sounds of guns clicking and the sounds of metal things charging each other.

_He protected me…_

Our hiding was exposed. And it was because of me.

_He involved with these thugs was also because of me…_

He charges forward slamming the head of another man to the walls. Using his long forgotten trident, he smack the back of the thug and he immediately fall down prone to the ground with blood trickling out from his mouth whilst the gun slips from that man's hand far from his reach. Mukuro smirk proudly at his soon to be victory. The man was going to pull out a knife from his sneakers when he immediately digs his sharp blades onto that man's palm, making him shouting in pain.

"How dare you! Traitor!"

"Hmph! Why don't you just _shut_ your hell mouth!" and with that he step on that person's abdomen squeezing the bleeding abdomen harshly and kick him out of view, so strong that the man's was thrown away to the other side of the wall. I heard a loud bump for it. And later, a gust of wind blows my face when he kicked a person in front of me. I didn't even realize that there was someone in front of me, ready to strike me down. How careless of me..

Since I was too fascinated with that stranger who willingly saved me...

"How clumsy are you?" He mocked again and I was dumbfounded, trying to look up at the strong figure. Why does this person's personality almost the same like Kyouya-san? It makes me infuriated and annoyed… Somehow, I actually don't want to hear it from his mouth.

"You don't understand! Just leave me." I said coldly.

"But don't you understand? I want to help you!" he hissed hiding his fuming voice.

"Neither have I wanted to understand. Please. Don't. I don't want you help me!"

And the grim silent fell…

"Oh, I see…Then, I will leave you." He looked at the girl sideways before a swift of breeze past her face. She was, of course surprise at the sudden agreement.

And hearing his calm pleasant voice leaving her, she was reassured that the man had gone. She chuckled to herself. '_Are you crazy? There was some guy who offered help and you refused him coldly. Stupid Tsuna..Dame-Tsuna._'

And she looked down to the floor trying to tuck the uneasiness away. _'Calm down…You have been living alone too long.' _She tried to remember Kyouya's awkward smiles and his cold jokes; and she smiled painfully._ 'I had forgotten how his smiles should be…'_

'_He will be there for you. He must be thinking of you… Don't give up hope, Tsuna. Don't give up!_'

Relax. And she knocked her chest several times to release the tightening knots of her chest. '_Look at me, herbivore!' _and _s_he remembered his last word before she was sent to this awful Vindice. But she still wants to cry out her heart.

She was scared. But she can't believe that stranger either.

Suddenly, a faint eerie laugh was heard and she turned into that direction. It was positively, that strange guy's laugh. She turned silent without arguing again. Is it really him?

"Incredible." He said again mockingly, stepping closer. It is him! "Your complexion is wonderful but it's your expression that captures me, perfectly. Don't you think?" His voice was unpleasant.

Her smile vanished. "What's that? Were you going to do something to me?" She asked trying to maintain her calm voice. He had stretching his bleeding arms and his legs and his well donned gloves hands was reaching to his pocket. She looked up as if she can saw him.

The guy stuck his pinky inside his right ear and looked at her balefully. "Ahh~ she's playing hard to get." He cried out. Tsuna felt the darkness settles down around them, but neither one of them moved. The bluehead ignored her, crouching by her side and grabbed her by the chin. Slowly, with gentleness she didn't know he possessed, he wiped at the drying tears and lightly caked blood on the brunette's left cheek. Tsuna back away slightly at the light touch. Mukuro sighed again and closed his eyes, enjoying her expression.

"You're amusing." he said as he pulled her slowly into his arms.

She didn't have the strength to refuse him but to lean into his warmth, mumbled weakly again his shoulder, "I told you to go, didn't I!" and sounding as if she would cry. Mukuro flinched at her small whispers. To his acknowledgement, he did find the poor girl fascinating and she was already too dear to him. The way she looks too fragile makes him want to take her as his possession. Why she was thrown down here? Why this pitiful girl has to endure this?

"What's your name, girl?"

She didn't respond immediately which made the blue haired guy rolled his eyes and Tsuna already felt her cheeks turning red at his sudden kindness. There was no other guy except Kyouya who had been reaching for her. She suddenly felt feverish and confused. Who is this guy?

"Tsu…na…" She answered half heartedly. She felt incredibly tired, but pretend not to give in; that was, until her knee loses their strength and her body slump down heavily into the stranger's arms. She can't take it anymore.

"Sorry…What - ?" Mukuro stiffened for a while as he missed it – but he sighed when he realized she already fell asleep and only her breathing sounds were heard; she was wheezing softly, hardly trying to breathe. He tried to shake her body but it turns out that she was totally unconscious in his arms, _'oya...oya…'-_ but otherwise, she was still breathing steadily and he set his mind at rest. He smiled wickedly as he decided to piggyback her.

"Tch - sssss" he hissed at times when the tingling and painful sensation rose up to his right shoulder. He had forgotten the gunshot wound he received on his right hand. It was still bleeding, and having this girl on his back really make it sting for real. He himself was almost fainting in his fight just now, but he wonders why this girl presence makes him stronger. If there was something he wished right now, he only hope that this girl would still breathing until they found a way out.

"Mukuro nii-san!" suddenly a nasal voice called for him faintly which made him startle for a moment. He recognized that lazy voice.

There was his first mission that he had long forgotten... Immediately, he ran throughout the dark route just when he remembers his lost brother.

"Fran!"

XXXXXXXXX

…

The troop of policemen- (no, not a troop since Hibari was working alone without getting permission from his brother) are in standby position. Everybody had been equipped with rifles, vest under their clothes and other safety measures. Hibari with his two dozens of people already gone to their own position and waiting at each side.

According to the things he steals from his brother's office, there was supposed to be drug dealing at Daimori (an abandoned place which was used as training centre for soldiers' decades before) and he assumed that the leader in Vindice would be there somehow. He doesn't know why the case was closed. But he didn't care, he still want to track them down to their graves. Since this time, 6 countries which were involved in drug dealing will be sure to attend this biggest meeting; and of course he will make sure to send them to judgments.

And of course, there was hidden intention; and that was – Hibari is using this opportunity as his silhouette for hunting Jagger hideout. Hibari stand by at the other place alone waiting for a perfect time to strike in whilst he will also gives signals to his men to charge inside the dealing location when needed. Many of his men had already successfully penetrated the trading centre in disguises, and they were perfectly done. Some disguises as the guards, the gangsters and some were hiding in their van 150 yards. He sighed heavily for now. He actually delegates the arresting job to Ryohei and Kazukabe since they would be sufficient enough to capture the drug dealers but he can't really trust them. But, it still up to them on how they will arrest them all.

"ZZZ..How was the thing on your side, Hibari?" and as if he sense the annoyance in his boss(Hibari), the turf head called him through the bluetooth.

"Shut up." Hibari on the other call answered with hatred. He just found a man bleeding in the forest, with a loaded gun next to him. The body was already smelly and paler and he assumed that he had died more than 24 hours ago. There was also bullet scratch at some trees, which shows some shooting scene occurred.

"Hibari! Are you sure, you don't need us?"

"Tch! I'm off." He hissed and shut the Bluetooth off in revulsion. He need to focus on his side, since Tsunayoshi Sawada probably was sent here, in Vindice Dungeon. He crouched down to the man's side and took the smell of two duffle bags on his hands. It was marijuana. There was also a scale and small baggies. But he found it strange when the killer didn't took the drugs. Then, for what reason did this man die?

Hibari then jumped fences as he found a _rabbit hole_; which looks like underground route to somewhere and hopefully he will find that old dungeon. He kicked down the door of the underground basement level, and broken the windows with his elbow. He can't believe that the said old house could be so deep in the ground which is why it was called dungeon after all this years. And it was really big.

He walked ahead using his small torchlight to guide him through but what he saw was a great mess with flesh blood splattered everywhere. Gun shooting had occurred here, hours before and his heart suddenly skips a beat and the anxiety hit him, hard. If this kind of things occurred, what the hell have happened here and how will she survive through this gun shooting?

'And they don't leave anything for me either.' He sighed trying to relax. He believes that she is still alive somewhere, until he found her dead body.

Suddenly a loud shooting sound resonance in that silent house and Hibari turn off his torch and run towards the scene at lightning speed, hiding behind a wall.

There was a guy who tried to run away after he killed 2 of the other who were unarmed. And so – he immediately slip out in front of that guy and kicked the man on his chin and elbowed his back until he fall face first to the ground that he strangled that man's hand to the back until he can't move. "Tell me what group are you?!"

The man was fairly shocked when he was getting kick. "Huh?! Like I will!" And he refused to answer. Hibari grew antsy and tighten his grip on his enemy's hand and he was ready to break his shoulder to 2 or 3 pieces, he didn't mind breaking them. There are enemies anyways.

"Arghhh~!" And the man shriek out at the pain on his back and shoulder. "I will! I will!"

"Tell me everything you know!" Hibari said grimly pointing his rifle to the orange head, while his other hand was locking that guy's hand on his back and face lying flat to the ground; so that the orange head can't move or harm him.

"We're not the Vindice!" the black orbs piercing, couldn't believe that he wasn't together with the vindice and he pressed the riffle hard to the redhead.

"Tell me! Where is she?"

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Where was the girl you kidnapped?!

"HUH?! How should I know?! We're also trying to take back the thing Vindice took from us. He took him from us just to lure out Mukuro-sama and later they will kill him mercilessly." Then he chuckled lightly and Hibari glaring at him. "But, they will never land their hands on Mukuro-sama's body! He is incredibly strong!"

"Then, who are you?" He asked hiding his rage breath sound behind his stern voice.

But the other guy opposed him; trying to use his free hand to slip out his knife from his shirt. But Hibari was faster as he purposely missed the shot on his hand and crushed it with his leather shoes until a crack and screams was heard simultaneously, pointing the gun back to his head.

"ALRIGHT! We're _previously _working – with Vindice but – we went separate ways." The enemy seems to have difficulties in breathing since Hibari pinned him down like that. "But like I said before -! They want to kill him!"

Hibari didn't asked for more, and his lock was getting gentler; which only means that he had acknowledged everything the red head said.

"Now LET ME GO!" The orange head tried to get away and Hibari slowly release his hand lock and shoot the guy's leg which luckily the bullet missed.

"Ops..I won't miss next time. I promised you." Wicked sneers appear on his pale face. He purposely missed it, trying to frighten him. "Show me the way." He ceased that guy's gun and the knife which was hidden in his snickers.

"Who are you?! Why are you threatening me like this?!"

"Shut up! Hands on your head! Or I will kill you! Let me tell you, I am even better in physical fight. There's no mean to runaway."

"Tch!" The orange head sneer back. "Mukuro-sama will slay you like no other."

"Hmph!" Hibari chuckled at his childish determination. "Let me see him for real and we can decide." He said as he kicked that guy's knees that he almost fell down face first again, since his hands were cuffed. The guy makes a sour face at his treatment.

'_Wait for me, herbivore.'_

XXXXXXXX

Alaude was idly swinging his pen while his head was thinking about certain sienna that keeps bothering his mind. What did his brother mean by Natsu knows? That word intrigued him to dig in more about the case his brother was involved.

'Natsu'. This was the first time I've heard he said her name in front of me, but why would he say it with loathe.

There was knock on my door and I ordered my secretary to come in. "Sorry sir, she still insists to barge in even if I said – " she can't even finish her word when someone push her hard to the side until she almost fall, luckily she held onto the knob.

"It's alright. Let her in. You can leave now, Miss Grace." Alaude said calmly as he stare into that sunsets eyes, ignoring his secretary completely. There were tears in her eyes which made his heart flinch for a moment. _'So, it was true._' And he got up from his chair, hurried to the front door where the girl stood gloomily.

"Natsu…" and she immediately throw her body in his arms. He instinctively embraces her and strokes that soft sienna hair gently. "What happened?" He asked concern.

"Alaude-san." And she was crying heavily; sobbing on his chest.

He wasn't surprise at all – but he wasn't pressing her either. He kept stroking her back to tuck her uneasiness away, waiting for a right time for her to say something.

_It's intriguing. _

Having Natsu in his arms, it's intriguing even for a strict man like him. How long have it been since he last saw his Natsu? How long Kyouya was home? Yes..It's been almost 2 month. And in those two months, he was trying hard restricting himself from getting close to Natsu or going to her house… But to see her in this state really made him worried.

"What happe – " He began, and his voice was immediately muffled by her mouth as she kissed him. And he kissed her back hard. They exchange kisses for several times before he broke off the kisses and pushed her arms away staring into her sad sunset eyes, dearly. "Natsu, what's wrong?"

And she hugs him again tightly, "I've made sin. A big sin..." She said with tears dripping on his coat. And that click something in his mass of brain.

"Was it your doing? Natsu?" she doesn't dare to look into his cold clay eyes. He reminds her lot of Kyouya Hibari, her husband; only, Alaude is a lot calmer and warmer than her husband. Alaude has always made her feels invited and needed. Not like her husband. She felt loathed.

She didn't reply, but pointed her sad lonely stares towards the man. He knows it; only by reading her eyes and mind, he knew what was hidden inside that wires head. The sin she carried out must be something unforgiving. Kyouya most probably had become insane just because of his wife. There was nothing more than something happened to Natsu's sister that, his brother will become worried the most.

_Just like that time when the accident occurred_.

_And he just knew that Natsu had done something obnoxious and terrible to Tsunayoshi. _

"Tell me, where was she?" He can read her like a book, and he was right. She suddenly gasping, trying to get away from his grips with few more tears trickling down her pale face.

"H-how did you know? Alaude..san." and she sounded scared now.

"It's doesn't matter how I know." He paused remembering the way Kyouya insanely ravaging his things at that night. "Tell me, and I will be able to help."

"It was damned too late! Too late!" she screamed out of blue, pulled away from Alaude and pressing her ears shut. "It's too late!"

"Natsu! Face me! Tell me!" he yelled back at her and she cried again.

"I'm afraid she had gone by now, killed by Jagger! Or even sold to the other country." she cried hysterically; cupping her face in her palms. "What have I done Alaude-san? What have I done?!"

He walked near her then cupped her face gently staring into her bulging eyes. This poor girl must not be able to sleep all this time and kept crying all alone while Kyouya was hunting Jagger.

'_Why?_ _What have you done Kyouya? For this poor girl to turn like this…'_

"It's okay. Tell me what happened and I'll do what I can. You can rest assured, Natsu."

"Tsuna... I – I – s-sold – her! – I'm sorry… Alaude-san..I'm sorry… I didn't mean to go that far. It just happened –" she whispered back, hick up.

Alaude found himself speechless at the word _'sold'_. Why would Natsu wished for her sister to die? But looking at the fragile Natsu he come back to his sense. Very tenderly he lowered her to the chair. He couldn't leave her after this. He just _couldn't. _This was not only because of her crying; it was spiritual. He felt pain whenever he sees her in that state. No matter what deed she had done, but he knew there was something that made Natsu act like this. She wasn't stupid to act crazy like this before, and he knew her like she was his back hand.

_Since she is the person he loved._

"I'm afraid that Kyouya would leave me." Alaude stunned at those words. So – it was true, Natsu wasn't happy after that marriage. She had lied to him all these times, saying that Kyouya treat her like a princess. But seeing things right now, he can see it was also Natsu's fault, since his brother wasn't an ass.

"Tsuna was trying to get to him! So- I! But now, he will truly leave me behind. He would never forgive me!" she whispered wistfully, tears still didn't stop.

Alaude bent his head to kiss the tears away from her eyes. "Calm down…Calm down. Your sister will be safe. Tsunayoshi Sawasa is strong willed girl after all. Just like you who put up a strong barrier around you."

Natsu knows that she had put up a fight to hold on to her love. There was always a man who filled her heart, but it was also that man who makes her cry.

_It was always Kyouya._

"I'm sorry! I'm truly sorry!" She wailed. Alaude pulled her into his arms and lend her his shoulder to cry on.

"You had been too rigid too much of time, Natsu. Too afraid of being left out, or to be hurt. And you didn't realize you had hurt others too many times. Or so – it was you who make Kyouya Hibari left." Alaude said with stoic face.

He can feel Natsu's rejection; wanting to scold him and hit him because of his words, but knowing that it was all true, she recoil in his strong embrace and cry.

"There was nothing left for me to make amends, Alaude-san."

"No…there is always something that you can do, Natsu." And Natsu gasps, staring at him with her puppy sad eyes.

"Come to me…and aid me…"

…

…

XXXXXXXX

The end of this chapter! Yeah!

Saa~! Reviews if you please. I love reviews! Because it cheers my day.

Hint: Yeah..I know it's ridiculous. Natsu and Alaude. And Alaude sudden appearance. But someone having mental broke usually will overcome their mental illness like this, no? But it seems Alaude really loved her. Poor him..

What will Alaude do?

R & R.


	11. Chapter 10- The Forgotten Torture

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

Continued from the last chapter…

**THELOVE I HAD PART 10…**

**The Torture..**

…

_Tsunayoshi's pov_

…

_Why do I feel lonely? What will happen to me? Mama…she left. She will be going for her outstation for three days. And, I am to be alone with Natsu; just the two of us._

_Somehow, I knew it would be my marvelous torture… _

_I didn't realize, when my dear sister had started to change…she changed a lot…and it saddens me._

"_I won't let you met him ever again!"One day, she whispered menacingly in my ears and I can feel her innocent smiles while she held my head close to her neck._

_I can feel that something is going to happen. _

_I tried to pull away and it turns out, she pushed me hard while I am walking down the stairs. It's awfully painful. My spines ache as if it was to break, and my head were spinning around. "What did I do wrong sister?" and I taste the iron fluids dripping down from my head and nose._

_She didn't bother to answer but looked at me with distaste, like I am some dirt or stray dogs. Why did she give me that face? It's cruel and saddening. _

_Natsu is sad…_

_Without attending my wound, she mercilessly, locked me inside the store room downstairs for two days…without eating._

_I'm scared, what did I do wrong?!_

…

_And on the third day._

"_Let me out sister! I have some urgent meeting!"_

_I need to get out! I need to tell Kyouya-san the truth – about who is the real Cielo, and told him Natsu is a fake. _

"_SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL HIM!"_

_But, she already knows my plan…I wonder if twins really do have these psychological telepathies. _

"_You will not tell him! I won't let you!" and then her voice began to crack – as the silent fell upon us with her cries from outside the store room._

"_We're getting married for real Tsuna! For real! Don't destroy it! It was you who gave me the chance to know him! So, why do want to take it back? I love him…more than you do, Tsuna. Let me be with him. It was me who always with him! Not you! He only interacts with you through his letter which he thought was me! You can't do this to me! You can't be selfish!"_

_My heart shudders at the word 'selfish'. Am I selfish for doing things like this? Am I? Am I selfish when I gave her the times together with Kyouya-san? Am I selfish when I agreed her to continue writing those letters when she begs me to? It was hard for me even to wrote those letters but, I can't help but putting my feeling in those letters in my place. I can't lie to myself. Overall, those letters contain my feelings… not hers. _

_Is it my fault from the starts?_

_Oh, god, why did it have to come like this? And I felt tears silently fell down my cheeks._

"_He said he will marry you for real, Natsu?" I hardly try to voice out like normal, without sobbing, but the sound still odd. The pain of falling down the stairs had not even subsided and then she told me about her feelings._

"_Yes…"_

'_But he asked me to meet him. HE knows you're not Cielo! It can't be.. It can't be!'_

"_A week without him in my life, feels like an eternity._ _I feel… empty. But I guess that's just what comes with losing the person you love, right?" _

_She said…solemnly and I hardly pressing my mouth from crying behind that closed door, sliding my body down to the floor. Why does it turns like this? Why?_

_God, why can't I hate her? Why did I have to love my sister so much?_

"_Every times he talked about the letter, his face shows calmness and its' affectionate. It was me he saw when he read those letters. Not you Tsuna. Not you!"_

_But, it was me who had those feelings. It was me who wrote him. It was us who were talking, not you._

"_I love him so much Tsuna, I love him so much. Much greater than you…I love him more than I ever love myself."_

…_but you can't measure your love… _

_But I can't throw those words straight to her face. I just can't. I love him…and it might be my fault from the beginning, because of my insecurity and fear, I kept holding my feelings from leaking, loving him from behind… just by staring at him and act tomboy in front of him. It was my fault._

_And before I realized, there was no more tears to shed.. I can't cry..._

"_I feel like killing myself if I don't have him.""_

_My eyes go wide at her phrase. She would kill herself?! "No! Don't do that stupid thing! Please don't!"_

_I can't give proper answer. _

"_You can't do that…mama would be sad…me too…" and I can hear her sobbing from behind the door. _

_Natsu, who rarely cries over things, cry when it comes to love. Natsu is always protective. She was strong, clever, and can do mostly everything, and her appearance was enticing too. She always stands by my side when we were little…but since she learned loves…she was extremely unpredictable. _

_But when she cried, it breaks my heart._

"_What did I have to do to make you happy, Natsu?" _

_I had to shut those feelings._

_I have to delete Kyouya from my memories like we had never met._

_The letters were not 'mine' either… _

"_Tsuna…I love you…but…why can't you just get lost?" She finally said the grave words._

_As I heard that, I just don't know if I'll ever be able to smile again. She had to say it. Am I not worth as her sister?_

"_It's been hard having you as my sister…"_

_And there goes her answers…._

"…_to protect you is hard…since father died…you depend too much on me…I never had life to spend! I am not living my life! Do you understand the burdens I have to shoulder all this time?! Mama is working! But, do you actually know where she work?! Do you know that it was me who worked my ass off to feed you! But you just live like a happy child in your school! Do you realize how stressful I am when you were living your high school life like that?!"_

_My eyes widen in shock. There were so many things hidden from me. I don't really know…that… Natsu… was struggling all alone by herself._

_I'm sorry…I didn't realize…that sort of things…It's something simple…_

_And tears streaming down my cheek and I stares at the ceiling; I had to put a stop from crying any longer. I had to avert my eyes, my ears, my heart, and my soul…_

"_If…that's what you wish sister…I will…fulfill it…"_

_I love you, and I don't want to see you cry anymore._

_And she opened the locked door…slowly. "Is that true, Tsuna?" she said in grief._

"_I will…sister." And I had to put on a gentle smile on my face. It was hard to keep smiling like an idiot. My heart sting, but I can't help it. I love myself more than anybody else. I had to get out from this room to live. I grew weak and weaker as days passed…and mother will be coming home today; and I had to get out and clean myself._

_And that was when she smiles back to me. Natsu…smiles at me._

_And it makes me happy… Her happy innocent face; it's been a while since I saw that._

_I want her to be happy, and I will be able to feel that happiness; that painful happiness._

_It felt nice when she hugs me._

"_Sorry, Tsuna…I'm sorry…" She said…and I was relief. _

"_I'm also…apologizing to -"_

_But the pain suddenly rose at my hand, and I watched in awe as the blood oozed out of it; and saw a small knife in her hands with bloods dripping down on our toes...my blood..._

"_Natsu…why?"_

"_Sorry, Tsuna…I'm sorry…" she said with a sad smile on her face._

_I don't know what had snapped in her that she does that, but soon after that, I fell plummeted as the giddiness hits me. I just couldn't bear to look at my reflection in her any longer; I just can't… My sister… harms me – and it was not possible to find myself in the graveyard these days._

_It almost like she had gone crazy…_

_The pain of the cut was only temporary, and I soon felt a wave of ecstasy come over me - but I like to feel the pain itself; it's like when I controlled my own pain, the pain of losing Kyouya-san had gone missing..._

_Natsu was in the middle of dabbing the cuts clean when Mama walked in, eyes wide, staring at my hand and the bloods on the floor. _

"_Natsu! What happened?!" _

"_Tsuna..she tried to kill herself. She's been locking herself in her room for two days!" _

_She lie mama. She lied._

_Mama kneeled beside me immediately and asked her to call the ambulance…_

_Mama…I didn't do it. But the words won't come out. I feel so tired to even move my hands or talking. She stared at my hand and then the bloodied knife on the floor. I think it came off as a bit odd that I was smiling when I see her face, but she immediately hugs me…'saying, I'm sorry…' _

_Why mama? Why are you sorry?_

_And soon after, she shrieked out when my weak smiles fades._

_I faint from dehydration and lose of blood._

_I feel like dying._

_I am dying…_

_Mama…_

_And it's hurt._

…

…

"Hahaha! Wake up! Wake up! Boo..boo.." said a little boy poking the nose and eyes of the brunette girl.

"Flan...don't do that." Chikusa said calmly as he pulled the three year old green haired boy in his arms and hold his small hands.

"But, she didn't flinch. I want more." And he stretches his hand again to poke the girl's nose, chuckling playfully.

"Don't Flan. Let her get some sleep." Mukuro settled at last and Flan stops his movement staring at his brother intensely.

"Stingy.." the boy said.

"Where the hell you learn that words?"

"It's because, Nii-san just want that girl for himself." And a vein popped out from Mukuro's forehead. Chikusa was about to defend the boy when Mukuro suddenly settles down.

"Flan, where did you learn those things."

"M.M nee-san said so." And Mukuro huffed tiredly.

"Are you alright Mukuro-san?"

"Yeah. What's it?"

"No. It's just… you keeps spacing out. I can't believe you would save someone. And thus, it's a she."

…

_-Flashback-_

"_Mukuro sama! Is that you!?" Mukuro stops, eyes wide as he recognized that girls' voice. It's M.M!_

"_Thank goodness you're safe!" she beamed as she throws her body to hug her beloved boss. "I can't believe that it is you!" for a little while Mukuro let his body being strangled down by his 'minions' even though the awkwardness and aura saying 'get away from me' were surrounding them._

"_Is that Flan in your arms M.M?"_

"_Yeah. He is now sleeping after making us chasing after him."_

"_Your little brother is too cunning. Just like you, Mukuro sama. I wonder from where he gets the trait."_

"_If you want to feel the sense of flying, keep on." And Chikusa went silent after the threat._

"_Mukuro-sama? Is it my imagination or did you carry a person?"_

"_Oh?" They found out. And he tried to ignore squealing M.M and putting the unconscious brunette near the wall like it was a norm._

_M.M looked at the girl with disgust. "How daring she steals Mukuro-sama from me!" And she held Mukuro's hand in hers._

"_Don't worry. She will be our big help later on. Do you know who she is?" M.M and Chikusa looked puzzle. "She might be something which going to benefits us later. Does her figure click you something?"_

"_Uh?" Chikusa and M.M exchanged looks and deepened their stares on the girl's face. "Oh. It's her! Is it?! The one Jagger was trying to dispose." M.M said with amusement. "Does she really have the strength that makes her the boss of the Vindice? Because, she looked like a useless wimp right now." M.M said sarcastically, giving Tsuna the one eye look. _

"_No wonder she was here to die." they both said in chorus._

_Suddenly the muffle sound of a girl resonance from his back as she moves slightly. Mukuro flinched and looked back. _

"_Can you stand?"_

"_I think… I can, since I've had nice rest on your back all along." M.M who have been listening their conversation was growing goose bumps and - annoyed._

"_You sure?"_

"_Yes." And he held her hand gently like she is a princess from some country. _

"_MUKYAAAAAA! What was with the soft environment around Mukuro-sama?! He didn't even treat me gently like that!" She squeals loudly gripping the stone she has been holding all this time._

_And accidently the stone went flying from her hand and almost hit Tsuna's head._

"_M.M…what are you doing?!" Mukuro scowled._

"_Hmph! Gomenasai." M.M said half heartedly with hatred overflowing; crossing her arms in front of her chest. _

"_Apologizing isn't going to help." Chikusa said by her side, while Mukuro kneel at Tsuna's side trying to get the still conscious brunette to get up, completely ignoring them._

"_But –I hate her! and the stone…suddenly slips from hand." M.M said slowly feeling ashamed. "It's not my fault!"_

_Chikusa sighed. "You actually put a burden on Mukuro-sama if she was to be unconscious again." Chikusa said without any emotion in his voice._

"_What do you mean I give him burden?!" She flared again._

"_Didn't you see?" and his blank eyes pointed to his beloved boss figure. "His arm is actually injured and is still bleeding under that black jacket." And M.M eyes widen as she saw the caked dry blood on his glove and she looked aside feeling wrong. "And that girl was totally worn out; she can't beat us like that."_

"_Oh? Is that so?" the girl said._

"_Oya..oya…" Mukuro suddenly said it as he back away from Tsuna and a trigger being pulled was heard. M.M looked terrified and Chikusa as usual looking senseless. _

_Or so, they had been looking down to the girl._

_Tsuna was looking terrified at their way with a gun in her hand. Mukuro immeditaly realize his gun was missing. Somehow this girl manages to steal his pistol from inside his jacket. He wanders if she took advantage when he was at her side just now. Did she feel insecure, yet again? She heard their conversation?_

"_Get away from me!" there was pain and tiredness in her hoarse voice. And three of them back away. Tsuna was aiming her gun on Mukuro even though she actually cannot see his whereabouts, just believing in her sense. And the others didn't dare to move. She looked like she meant everything she said._

"_Don't move! I'll shoot if you move!"_

"_Calm down, girl.." Mukuro said, hands up in the air._

"_NO! You will – no doubt – you will kill me later! Isn't that right?!" and Tsuna cried out in desperation._

"_Calm down girl. There's nothing to worry about." Mukuro said trying to go nearer._

"_Huh? Nothing to worry about? Nothing to worry about?! There was a LOT to be worry! You all killers! Isn't it?! My sister sent you to kill me! WAS IT NOT?!" She shouted and her voice was trembling in fear but her hands were still pointing the pistol in Mukuro's direction. "I shouldn't believe you! MURDERER." She hissed with hatred and shifts her pistol higher, targeting his head. Mukuro's sweats trickling down his neck even more. This girl is deadly serious._

'_How the hell she knew how to use a gun?' But when he thinks back, 'Of course she was an expert with gun since she was the one Jagger feared. There's no doubt. It was her.'_

"_Calm down. I'm not the one to be afraid of. I saved you!"_

"_LIAR!" Tsuna yelled again. "I'M JUST YOUR TOOL!" She then heard the sounds of shoes moving fast in her way. Then – a gunshot was heard._

"_Mukuro-sama!" Both of his followers squealed horridly as they run away from the bullet direction and M.M manages to push Tsuna hard to the ground. Hence, Mukuro jump forward from the side and pulled the gun off her hands and M.M knock her unconscious in the neck._

_Mukuro quickly shoved M.M aside slowly and he kneeled looking at the weak brunette lying on the hard ground; trying to feel her pulse. "She's still alive."_

"_How dare you…" She hissed slowly; darting eyes of vengeance and sorrow towards Mukuro, before her eyelids closing itself, she reluctantly became confused again and surrender to the pain…_

"_Please just kill me…" she whispered slowly in her half conciousness._

_And Mukuro stunned at his place without looking up to his followers who was calling his name. Mukuro can't help but feeling irritated at the stares she gives out. Is she really the person who would succeed Jagger?_

"_It can't be help if she still unconscious." Chikusa said which awakes Mukuro from his somber again and he carried her to the sidewall and let her rest. _

-end flashback-

…

"Where did you find her?" Chikusa asked.

"Somewhere in this mansion. It seems, someone really _really_ hates her and wanted her to die here."

"Then, just let her DIE. She deserves it."

"M.M!" Chikusa hushed her.

"What?! Is't true right?! She's not our business and we're supposed to find Flan! And she tried to KILL Mukuro san!" She hissed irritably.

"Where did you pick her? And given her condition, she was bullied around quite hard." Chikusa said while examining the sleeping face of the brunette girl.

"…"

"Bullied…huh?" and he just sat besides the girl, stroking her hair gently. "It was more likely…that she's been abandon.

"Abandon?"

"There's nothing more said until she passed out, until we found Flan. I didn't even know her name."

"Mou.. Mukuro-chan! Why are you so depressed over this weak girl?!" M.M said irritably while kept staring at her master who kept staring at the motionless girl covered by the thin cloth.

"I…just wanted too."

…

The silent fell. M.M just show her grumpy face, while Chikusa kept playing with the small Flan, keeping him in sight, so that he won't run away again.

Mukuro, kept tending Tsuna and changed the wet towel on her forehead. She keeps whispering in her sleeps, like having dreams…bad dreams. Her fever spike within these two days, and she hardly mouthing anything accepts, 'sorry', 'nee-san' and 'Kyouya-san'… these three words were hunting her in her dreams.

And somehow it irritates him.

"…"

"Kyou..ya…san…" Tsuna whispered weakly. Her lids were half open but Mukuro was wondering whether she saw him upfront. Or was it that guy in her view. Her hand keeps wondering trying to grab something and that was when he took her hands tightly.

He can feel it trembles within his grabs. Her body was turning colder slowly…like a dead body. When he held her tightly…he can sense her fear, her insecurity… she fears death…but why did she insist no one loves her? And wishing to die.

But the most annoying thing was when her face shows an expression of a girl in love when the name of this certain guy came out from her mouth. If she was so in love with that guy, why she sounds suffers so much like…she was holding burdens in her heart…

The name itself irate him.

"Mukuro-sama… Who was this Kyouya…san? Is he the same guy from before? The one we fought four months ago…His name was also Kyouya… Hibari Kyouya…"

"…"

"IDIOT! Do you think there was only one person named Kyouya?! They were lot more! Stupid Chikusa!" M.M said interrupting their conversation. She knew that Mukuro was feeling uneasy.

"Mukuro nii-san!" suddenly a nasal voice woke him up from his slumber. He looked beside him and Flan was pulling his shirt.

"Fran? What's wrong?" and he held the boy's little hand.

"I want to play. Where was Ken-niisan?"

Mukuro was speechless, when he himself did not realize one person is missing and throws his glare to his two other people. "Would you care to explain?"

Chikusa and M.M exchanged looked with each other again..

"_Oh."_

….

….

_Duuum!_

Ken fall face first on the hard ground when Kyouya pushed his back hard. "You tried to do a thing and you die."

"The hell!"

"Where was Jagger?"

"Idiot. Are you alone?" Ken said warily while trying to get up with both hands tied at the back. "He will be here in no time. Because he is angry – since we're not attending the _meeting_ for 100 million _customer (the drug)_."

Kyouya chose to be silent. It is the drug dealing meeting. So…this guy is also one of them. If that so, it's like killing 2 birds. I'll be able to arrest that guy.

Finally they reach at the end of the tunnel, and they found a small road which unlikely travelled. And that was when they met.

"SURPRISE!" and Hibari back away, shielding his vision with his hands. Lights suddenly turns on, pricking his eyes painfully. And whilst he tries to get back on the track, the orange head already vanished from his sight into the crowd; and he was already surrounded by dozens of people.

"SHIT." He hissed as he lost the view of the red head.

"I know you would be here Kyouya Hibari."

Smirking playfully, Kyouya replied with his hand in his pockets, "Hnn..You saved my times for finding you too." He pulled out his tonfas. "Jagger, I've been meaning to send you to prison."

"Wait! Hibari-san! You might want to see this." Bermuda said playfully.

And a girl came out from behind him curling her arms around Bermuda's; still smiling nicely like nothing had happened. "Nice to see you too, Kyouya."

"You.." It's been days, he hasn't seen her. But now, that she was here, right in front of him; he never predicted she would reside with that group. He thought, she would regret and leave these whole useless things.

"Don't give me that face. It's been long I haven't seen you." She jump down from the hills and threw herself and hug him dearly. "I miss you." She rushed on, not quite knowing how to interpret the feelings behind that dark glare. She just knew that if she did not hug him now, she would lose the chance to be near him again.

She will lose him forever, and before it happens…

She would do anything to get close to him.

_To touch him once more._

"I am disappointed in you, Natsu." Kyouya voice out bitterly. "If you really need me, you wouldn't go to my _brother_." He said sarcastically mocking her. "You would come to me and your sister."

"..." It was a sudden shock to her system, like a lightning bolt flashing through her body. She wanted him to say something, but she does not imagine that Hibari would say something about Alaude. Alaude is her betrayal. She had given her love to Alaude when Kyouya wasn't around and ignored her.

She thought it still hidden safely, but what she doesn't know was that; her husband had known the secret long before, and she was speechless.

"You knew?" and she back away. Her sunsets eyes were now darken angrily, without emotion nevertheless. "Then, I will have no regret."

She smiled wickedly, then, laughed out loud.

"_I have to put others down to protect myself, Kyouya_." She whispered in his ears. Her eyes now filled with vengeance, angry, distrust and fear.

Kyouya didn't bother to answer either. "Where was Tsunayoshi?" He asked calmly.

"Who knows, maybe she died already."She answered playfully covering her yawn. "Ahhh~ you are boring Kyouya. That's why I lead myself into Alaude."

Then, she leaned in closer and pecks a kiss at the edge of his pink lips.

Others squeal but Kyouya didn't budge, or cares about the kiss.

"I just want to see you." She whispered in his ears. "I just love you…"

But Kyouya was not responding, Natsu sighed and give up. Her heart broke to pieces.

"Ok, I'm done. I'll give him to you, Jagger. Suit yourself." She said slyly, and with that, she walked away from the ground and stood inside the tunnel, watching their unfair fights in despair.

Gripping her dress, she was only hoping for his safety.

She wanted to cry, but she can't. She had to put an affirmative act in front of her Mafioso.

'_I'm sorry, Kyouya. I'm sorry.'_

'_I have to put others down to protect myself, Kyouya. And I put you, because I believe in your strength I believe in you. I need to make up for myself for all things that happen.'_

And she walked inside the tunnel together with Bermuda and few others.

…

_Tuned to the next chapter…_

XXXXXXX

Just a small note

Hint: When Tsuna was going to meet Kyouya, about few days before, Natsu found out and locked her instead. And that's why Hibari said, he waited for her reply but still nothing. Review back chapter 5, at early paragraph.

So, if Tsuna tried to meet up with Kyouya so so, many times. How worst could it have been? But Kyouya haven't noticed all of this… tsuna kept being torture…

Oh! And the other one. Mukuro gangs didn't really realize that Tsuna was blind okay.

Other revelations will come next.

Stay tuned and R & R for more!


	12. Chapter 11- love and pursuits

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

Author's note: Thanks for your awesome reviews! Thanks a lot! and thanks for keep staying with me!

Continued from the last chapter…

**THELOVE I HAD PART 11…**

**Love and Pursuits.**

…

Bermuda was having goose bump as he follows Natsu from behind. He can sense the darkness of vengeance in the boss heart as they walked into the abandoned place, no, it is almost abandoned. There were many trails of fresh blood and the air smell of sweat and iron. Is there anyone remaining life in there?

He scanned – but only dead bodies lay sprawled in weird ways seen.

"SHIT! This will be useless!" she growled looking very mad. "Bermuda and all of you! Find this girl!" Natsu ordered while she shoved a picture of smiling girl in front of Bermuda and her other follower's face.

"Who is this girl my lady? She looked exactly like you."

"Why do you care about such unimportant stuff? Just find her for me. She escaped from Doll." She cocked her pistol and stares at it with cold eyes, "I can't let her free…" and walked into the abandoned tunnel, and her bodyguards waited for her orders," …but I still can't leave her alone..." and she smirk wickedly.

In instant, everybody had gone in every ways for the pursuits leaving just Bermuda with the lady boss.

Bermuda wondered why his boss had been so distant these few days. She was still the same Natsu sama until he heard she tortured her own sister and sent her to the Vindice. But it wasn't long after she sold her; they heard the sister runaway and escape here. Since that day, she seems off and sometimes she looked sad. She becomes depressed and venting on her henchmen.

There was more the reason why he should protect Natsu-sama. He can't just leave her.

"Bermuda," her calls make him snaps from his thought, "If you find her, brings her to me – and I will end her life myself." The calm Bermuda is still trying to process his thought. Is this what she really wants?

He'd given a heck of a chase, so either was possible. He would do anything in her command. They'd spent hours like that, tearing through the coldness in the tunnels, then on foot, and the place's itself is pitch black. They were walking with cautious when suddenly, they were alarmed as they heard someone cries out, "Mukuro-sama!" at some distance.

And they heard a gunshot and a distance thud.

"Natsu-sama! There are people fighting. I think they are not so far from here. I think we should access the severity first since we were out of – "

"Let's go!" She interrupted and hurried to peek out on the scene.

"Natsu-sama!" he hissed.

It was really dark, only the sparks of gun shooting can be seen. Later, voices were heard. Natsu can feel her heart pounding hard against her ribs as she heard that voices. She was positive, that this 'Mukuro' was the one who goes rampant against Jagger; the one that betrayed their organization.

And a wicked smiled curled on her lips as her bang darkens her face.

"M.M, we're almost there. You should bring Flan out of here."

"What about you Mukuro-san?"

"I'll be alright. I need to shelter this pity girl somewhere safe first."

"How about your injuries, Mukuro-san?" Chikusa asked while filling in his new bullet into his pistol while leaning on the wall.

"I'm good. Now, go. Before anyone spot us." He calmly said.

M.M hesitantly walked away from her beloved boss. The green haired boy is cuddling in her arms, serenely sleeping without a care of the world. Such innocent boy who had survived though the chase for days surely make Mukuro grew goose bump.

He took a soft glance over his younger brother's face. They don't seem similar at all, but all that he cares; they have the same blood running in them. It was no mistake that Flan is his younger brother, who came searching for him few months ago. He curses his parents for neglecting not only him but also Flan, and he wanted that small boy to be saved and live his life at least. He doesn't really care how he will grew up later.

He gently pats the green lock. "Bring him somewhere safe, M.M." He smiled at the grumpy M.M before continued, "and thanks for saving him." The boss turn his back and looked at the guy with glasses, "Chikusa, please take care of them, I'll be behind you soon."

Adjusting his spectacle on his nose, he lazily answered, "We'll be waiting for you." And with that, they ran forward towards the small dim light in front of them.

Since the three of them had gone, he took a glance of the girl behind his back softly. She was huffing heavily now, and it scares him. He had to get her to hospital, but of course, someone like him with criminal records could never go to the hospital. And he can't bring her to Jagger of course, since Jagger would cut her neck in a blink.

Well, he did say something about using this girl for their benefits. But it was just a bluff, to cool down his minions. She was the last resort they will have if they were about to encounter Jagger. In the end, this girl's life is still, pathetic.

He walked ahead, slowly than he could ever imagine. His vision is turning cloudy, and it feels like tons of weight hanging on his legs.

"This is not good. We can't move forward." He bluffed as he lean his shoulder to the side wall, taking a deep breath. But it was the truth that he felt tired.

Suddenly, his back felt light, and then he realized, the girl had waked up.

"You can put me down. It's alright. Just leave me here." She winced weakly.

He was shocked. The girl had awake and was struggling to get down.

"I'm sorry, I am burdening you." She whispered at his neck and still trying to get loose from his grabs; to stand on her legs. "Don't worry. I can walk if you put me down. I'm not weak as what you see. I'm a lot independent woman you know." Tsuna tried to joke in her weak voice which didn't sound like a joke at all. "Plus, my thighs were hurt being held by you for a long time, the blood circulation already blocked." Mukuro just stares at her in disbelief. She talked too much this time.

"Or are you trying to molest my thigh by piggyback me?"

He twitched. "What the hell…" And she sighed lightly at his annoyance voice as he put her down landing on her feet, but to his expectations, she staggered immediately as her feet touched the ground and he moved closer to her as her body lean onto his side. "Ah..Thank you." And she blushed at her weakness.

Tsuna should have realized that her body was already numb and have almost zero energy; but she was just too stubborn to accept people's kindness, and Mukuro just stare at her effort painfully which later caused him to be impatient.

Before she even stabilized herself by the wall, he suddenly pulled her hands up high harsher just to carry her on his back again. "Don't waste my time. You can run with me. Kufufufu.." He gave out his eerie laugh again which make Tsuna shriek mentally again.

"Put me down!"

"Oya..oya..it's okay if you don't want to." And he let her down again, but still supporting her body.

"I don't ask you to." She answered lamely, feeling awfully bashful as she felt his arm around her waist.

"You should say thanks, my dear." A warm smile formed on his face while his eyebrows rose in amusement and Tsuna shrugged away, but still, her hands were still tightly held around his tough torso with her head spontaneously land on his arms weakly as if she really need his support. It just felt comfortable. She honestly felt really exhausted after all these days, without foods, water or sleeps. How many days have it been, she wonders…

"Well… I...I…" She stammered, gripping on Mukuro's shirt tighter. She didn't know why she was getting so flustered and sad at the same time. "Thanks…" and finally she admits lamely, mumbling on his chest weakly as his arms tightly holding her waist to support her on walking. It took more courage for her to finally say 'thank you' rather than the courage for walking itself.

Just when her hopes fly high, she remembered Mukuro's word previously.

"_Is there no one out there waiting for you?"_

"_Are you really that worthless?"_

She suddenly loses her courage to escape from this dungeon or whatever they called it. She was not confident enough – if she deserved to live. She was not sure if they needed her anymore because she was really a burden to them. That's why –

"Don't you want to live?" As he said that, her chest suddenly tightens in a knot. "Just be a burden since you can't avoid getting their help, its okay to be selfish – sometimes..." His words struck her aching heart deeply.

"I really want to get away..." She said in her raspy voice, breaking the silent. Mukuro was surprised that her voice was wavering…as if, she would cry, and he suddenly felt guilty.

"But, I am helpless. Just like what you said – I am worthless. My sister would not be happy. Or even him…I'm not confident if I can face him anymore."

"Him? Who was this person?" He interrupted.

"Hn? I don't know… he was my long time crush." And her face flushed.

"So, it was one sided love, huh?" he smirks evilly trying to joke but she didn't responds and he felt guilty again.

She was dazed for a while, "You can say that. I had to give up on him for some reason. But he was always there for me…he is really kind…though it was hard when he always scolds me and else…" there was a poignant pause, "but, he doesn't know that, I harbor feelings for him. He didn't know that. I am tired of this hidden feeling. He should focus on his wife and his job and ignore me…but when he cares for me, I became so miserable. He makes it harder for me to forget him. He gives me hopes…and I don't know what to do. That's why – I thought it was best for me…if - "

"He would search for you." Mukuro break up her depression, and her round caramel eyes piled with hopes again for a moment – before it looked down with depression again.

"…perhaps…he will…" she slurred in her words and laughed warily trying to wash away her feelings, "but it's impossible". No matter how she thinks about it, she felt useless and sad, but her heart was fluttering when Kyouya came into her mind. "He was a great man. No matter what he did, no matter what comes between us, I would still love him more than anything. Even now, my heart was beating – crazily inside as we are talking about him; but – I am no match for the perfect guy like him..."

"Keh! Nobody is perfect! That's because you was injured, idiot."

"But, it was the same…I'm still not perfect. I want to look good in front of him…but I can't even looked myself on the mirror, so how should I face him? I am pretty frustrated with myself."

"So – " Mukuro sighed heavily, feeling hopeless. "That is more reasonable for you to go out. He might be waiting for you."

"Haha…funny. If you know what have I did to him, perhaps you will also hate me… I lied. A whole lots of things." and suddenly she became more scared to see him again when the memories of lying to Kyouya floating in her mind. "He might be angry and hates me for life…and I can't endure that…"

Mukuro was still silent, all ears and kept them walking. "I have been thinking hard after these while…Kyouya-san…he might have figured my true identity. After this kidnapping incidence, surely, Natsu couldn't hide it anymore and told him everything. I supposed…he should have found out about Cielo…"

"Girl, I don't know why a person like you could be so difficult." he pinches his sudden throbbing headache at her story and Tsuna suddenly daze again before she continued, "The laughter when I am being strangled, kicked and thrown flying to the ground, I can't forget them. They were hunting me every time I passed out; I also can't remember well about the accident things, but the soft mocking '_serve you right Tsuna-chan_' keep hunting me… It's hurt to think…and I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't remember whatever happens that day, except, the fact that I didn't meet him and didn't keep my promises."

"Accident?"

"It was a year ago. And suddenly my world darkens..." she left it hanging before continued, "Did I really involve in that car accident? Why can't I remember? And Natsu – why did she hate me so much? I am scared... I really am scared…" and she didn't realized that she was gripping Mukuro's shirt tighter.

Mukuro was touched. After hearing her story, he can't seem to find words to relieve her grief and he just let the silent and their footsteps filled their surroundings.

"I'm scared to go back…" she stops walking and sounds like she will cry again and he can't stand it. He knew what was going on inside her messy head and spontaneously, he grasps her knuckle gently as if trying to console her, "I'm here..." he suddenly voice out slowly and Tsuna, on impulse smiled weakly.

"…you smiled.." he astounded at her sudden honest smile which colored her pale face. It was the first hint of a smile he had seen since she woke up, and he lifted her head ... That small smile on her face took him aback, and he could only stare as he instinctively cupped her soft cheek in his palm. She is, indeed beautiful. He could only thank the sparkling broken neon lights that illuminate her pale round face.

"How can he not see you?" Tsuna is confused for the moment and she flinch when she felt a warm embrace around her. "You're really strong, girl. Super strong."

Tsuna who was fazed by his tenderness, bowed down her head, feeling the hotness grew on her face. Somehow, this guy really made her confused, "It's Tsuna, my name- that is. Don't mistaken it, it's because I heard you and your brotherly love. Flan right? And I believe there was kindness somewhere in your heart…" she said as she placed a hand on his broad chest, actually trying to put a distant between them since he was too close. "It was thanks to you, that I finally have the will to live." And she smile again as she pulled away from him.

But, Mukuro grasped her palm in his firmly making Tsuna stunned at her place and blushing madly, "I'll save you, Tsuna-chan." And he kissed her hand.

Tsuna looked enthralled and speechless at that; she didn't like it, but also didn't hate it, it's just she doesn't have the strength to turn him down and is indebted to him. He had done too much for her.

"That Jagger cannot kill you if you're with me." And they started walking again. Even when Tsuna tried to keep the distance between them, Mukuro keep grabbing her hand and hold it tightly as if protecting her with his life and Tsuna would just let it slide.

"Jagger? Who's Jagger?"

"oya…oya..? Isn't he the one who tried to kill you?" Mukuro asked back, and Tsuna was now in deeper confusion.

"I don't think I have heard his name before…but it was my sister who wanted to kill me..." she said solemnly, and Mukuro frowned when the distress shown on her face again.

"Your sister?" Mukuro find himself involving in something he should not.

And suddenly, Mukuro freeze Tsuna from walking and Tsuna could feel the thin air around their body grew cold. Mukuro's body becomes rigid and his grips were hurting a bit.

"What's wrong?" Tsuna hold his hands tighter as she instinctively hides behind his body gripping his leather jacket with her tiny fingers.

"We had company."

"Tsu-chan," someone called out playfully, her voice echoing across the tarped boxes and damped air. Tsuna's eyes widen at this so not foreign voice. It's someone that she scared off. "I know you're in here, Tsuuu-chan." She chuckled. "And I know it _is _you." And her voice suddenly turned colder and venomous.

Mukuro could sense the insecurity in Tsuna's heart. Her grips were rough and tighter as though she was afraid, and she was gripping his jacket far too strong that he can't move. 'Who is this girl that you afraid off?'

The steps were closing in, and there was no where they could go. Mukuro took a step back, shielding the scared Tsuna behind his back.

'Bang!'

A single deafening roar from her rifle punctuated like it was a call. More clearly, a familiar face of a girl came up from behind the cabinet at the western corner. Tsuna was stunned like electric bolt gone through her and her caramel eyes widen with misery, like a lost child. Mukuro could tell that it was not the sound that had startled her, but the person itself makes her scared.

Natsu smiled as she pulled her bluetooth down and threw it to the floor and locked eyes with the target.

"There's no point, Mukuro-kun." She said as she saw he was protecting Tsuna, and Mukuro was surprised that the girl knew his name.

"Kufufufu… I didn't even think that I'm famous enough to be known. I'm honored." He sneered devilishly.

"Step out from behind him, Tsuu-chan" she said. "Let me end your suffering." She chuckled as she steps into the place where a ray of broken neon lights shined.

And there she was, stood another face of Tsuna in front of him with pistol in her grasp; pointing in their way. As Mukuro looked up, he was surprised again; he swears he just looked at the same person behind him, accept she was much much colder and dangerous looking. He was totally flabbergasted that Jagger's successor was the other girl, not the weak girl he picked.

Her eyes seem smiling devilishly while pointing the gun in their way even when her lips not smiling at all.

'She is deadly serious.' He thought to himself. "Is she your sister?" Mukuro asked Tsuna as he steals a glance of the pale and shivering girl behind his back.

"So what if she was?!" Natsu yelled back in return. "And don't even call her my sister!"

"Natsu-sama…I can kill them easily. You don't need to stain your own hand." Bermuda whispered.

"Shut up Bermuda! I want her and her only!" She commanded again.

"So- you're…" Mukuro is curious.

"We're twin. But her luck isn't in her side. Why don't you just give her to me and I will let you go. I know Jagger used your cute little brother to get you here. They trapped you. I will let you live if you give her to me. She was not yours to begin with." She still pointed her gun on his way.

"What do you think am I? Who cares about that shit? I kidnapped her from here after all, and so, she is mine, kufufufu." He sneered at her, locking fierce gaze.

She was angered, "SHUT UP MUKURO! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! JUST GIVE HER TO ME, AND I WILL LET YOU GO!" She shouted and Bermuda on impulse charged forward towards Mukuro with a knife in his hand, but thanks to his good reflex, Mukuro ducked back behind and pulled Tsuna down with him, but unfortunately, Tsuna's reflex is a bit slower and Bermuda managed to create a small jagged on Tsuna's shoulder and caused her to bleeds.

"BERMUDA! I SAID, DON'T INTERUPT US!" And the 9mm pistol sounded weak following a rifle like that.

Bermuda suddenly fell plummeted on the floor with blood gushing out from his mouth and abdomen. "No way! Natsu-sama! Why?!" Bermuda called out in aghast and his voice was frantically frightened as he looked at his master. Natsu's stern face didn't budge at all as she killed her own companion. She still contains her arrogant self.

Mukuro, somehow felt like he understood her message when she killed her own clansmen, but still he didn't wants to understand. She was clearly cruel in front of his eyes. So, how can he give this weak girl to her?!

"Give her to me! I assure you I won't kill her! Trust me! I came to safe her and redeem my mistakes!" she cried out but the gun was still in her grasp.

Mukuro hold Tsuna behind him, unable to believe Natsu's words. "Why should I believe you?! You obviously, practically killed her, don't you? You fucking bitch." He growled.

"I KNOW I'M AT FAULT!" she cried out loudly. "But - I –right now I wanna take you back with me!"

Tsuna just hide behind Mukuro without a single word while pressing hard her bleeding arms. "See, she didn't even want to meet you."

"TSUNA! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I WANT TO SAVE YOU RIGHT NOW! BELIEVE ME. PLEASE COME TO ME AND WE WILL GET OUT FROM HERE! Trust me!"

"Natsumi Sawada! Just leave us here and leave by yourself! You probably just want to use her again!"

Natsu was lost at words. She is truthfully come here to save Tsuna, but she doesn't know how she can gain her trust again. She must be quick before Jagger and his gang came here and tracked them. The three of them would be dead meat.

"So- words won't reach you Tsuna." And she lifted her gun equipped arm and pointing it towards Mukuro and Tsuna. "It's because of you Mukuro!" Mukuro frantically ducked down together with Tsuna when she pulled the trigger, but Tsuna didn't move an inch and stayed at that place. But a shot was reflected from steel behind them and hit Mukuro's left leg.

Mukuro hissed at the pain.

"Natsu..don't!" Tsuna suddenly said strictly in her hoarse voice.

"I'm serious Mukuro Rokudo! I will have to kill you if you don't release her!"

"Don't! Natsu!" Tsuna shouted and lifted her gaze from her jagged cut towards the voice of her sister's; once with pretty face. She took a step ahead, wrapping her newly bleeding arms using the cloth of her previous wound. Natsu was stunned as her sister raised an arm with a gun in her grasp and pointing towards her direction.

"Don't!" Mukuro shouted out of deprivation. It was a mistake that he parted with Tsuna. It was a mistake that brought her this way. It was his mistake that she manage to take away his gun from before.

And another shot was heard. Natsu thought for a second and she felt pain from her back. She turned back and her eyes gone wide. The pain rose in her nerves and her vision suddenly darken. It was not Tsuna's pain, but hers. A bullet passed through her flesh and blood spurting out from her wound. Is she going to die here?

She was, seriously trying to save them, and, is this the end? Did Jagger track them here? So, it's not a good timing at all…, and Mukuro also didn't hold the gun. Did Tsuna really shoot her? Other than them, was there someone…from behind her?

And she saw someone in her sight…and she smiled at that…as she fell to the floor.

And Mukuro ran to Tsuna's side ignoring everything in sight. "Tsuna! Are you alright?!" but she didn't respond. She merely looks empty and terrified as her hands trembles and the gun slips from her hold.

"Let it go Tsuna. Let it go." Mukuro tried to loosen up the riffle from her hands. "It's fine…I said it's fine."

"I shot…my sister…" her eyes looked terrified and her voice was losing it's intonation. She was in dismal. "I killed her….I killed her…. I pulled the shot…"and he held her close into his embrace. "You tried to protect yourself. It's alright."

"I killed her…"

"It's alright."

"NO! IT'S NOT ALRIGHT!" and as if she just woken up from a bad dream she push Mukuro aside and dropped herself to the ground and started crawling on her knees.

"Tsuna! Where were you going?"

Mukuro just looked at her crawling on floor when she was searching for that bitch. He knew she is searching for her sister but he looked at Tsuna ridiculously, she crawls for god sakes. But then, he realizes something as he remembered their earlier conversations;

"_Accident?"_

"_It was a year ago_. _And suddenly my world darkens..."_

And his eyes widen as a wave of shock running through his nerves._ 'Are you blind Tsuna? Why didn't I realize before?'_ And now that he knew she was blind, everything was put on the right place. He now knows why she was distress and taken aback and wanting to die. She didn't care about anything else. She lost her loves, her sister deserted her and nobody was searching for her; and even the man she loved…was useless. That's why…

"Natsu! Natsu!"

His heart aches as he heard Tsuna howling over and over her sister's name in her raspy voice which cannot be heard at all. She picks Natsu's body up with her injured hand and rocking her body.

'_Why is it, 'your' life is so sad…'_

"Natsu..! Wake up…" Her voice cord hurt as she tried to voice out and calls her name repeatedly. But, after few moments, she fell silent, and before he call for her, he realized, she already fainted from shock while cuddling her sister's unconscious body.

Mukuro was about to walked towards the both girls when suddenly, he felt something sharp pricking his neck; and he then realized there was someone pressing a knife on his neck; and his entire mind gone blank for a moment.

He was forced to swallow his dry throat.

"Tell me…What have you done, scum?" the person asked.

And the man's voice was not unfamiliar to his ear and he knew his intention to kill is strong enough to make him sweating. He can feel the small trailed of blood running along his neck line as the knife was pressed against his neck again. The man was serious.

"Oya..oya..it's rude to attack from behind me." He said as he pulled the man's hand and managed to make his grasp on the knife weaken and fell onto the floor. He elbowed the other at the abdomen strong enough to make that man back out and coughs blood. "You came…Kyouya Hibari… Was it you – the rumored guy in question?" Mukuro said in amusement as he wipes the blood on his neck with his knuckle.

Kyouya snarled as he heard that so not unknown creepy voice. It belongs to the man he despises. "Sadly, I was trying to capture you as well, Mukuro Rokudo." He said as he swung another knife in front of Mukuro again.

"Kufufufu…You. Really. Didn't. Deserved. Her." He said with hatred when Kyouya didn't put Tsuna as priority when the girl had been longing and dying to see him.

'_If the guy you love is ignoring you Tsuna, why did you bother to love?'_

…

…

_Just a small note:_

_STAY TUNED ON THE NEXT CHAPTER._

_R & R!_


	13. Chapter 12- The kiss

Disclaimer: KHR is not mine.

Author's note: arrgh…headache..lesser reviews..sad…huhu….

Continued from the last chapter…

**THELOVE I HAD PART 12… -**

_**- The Kiss**_** –**

…

…

_**Two hours before..**_

…

Kyouya Hibari had no choice. This fight had gone through one on one fight when the others had fallen after fighting with him. He had to attack by himself. Immediately using the dead body of one of his henchmen (which come to aid him) as a shield, he pounced toward hunched-over his other men and grabbed the left out Taser from the floor and fired it in Jagger's direction.

But, the probes don't have the velocity of bullet to match that bastard's speed and he fell backward just in time; the barbs missed. He snatched his metal bar and charged towards him. Immediately, Jagger rose on his knee. But when Kyouya was just ten feet away, Jagger managed to bring the gun up and fire squarely at his direction, just as he flung the bar at him.

The bullet sounds silent as it slammed into his armor vest. The pain was stunning but the shot had missed few millimeters as it struck him well below the solar plexus, where a hit would have knocked the breath from his lungs and made him paralyzed.

At the mean time, the swirling tonfa spun to the other's face, colliding with a nearly silent _thonk_, as he cried in pain. Kyouya smirk as he manages to break two or three bones of Jagger's face which cause him bleeds. But like he anticipated, the fight would lose its intensity if one of them would go down that easy, though, Jagger still held the pistol firmly; cursing madly at him. Kyouya turned in the only direction he could flee – to his right – and sprinted through a hill where he thought is a hill; but he realized that it was the hill of dead body and artifacts; which add the disgust feeling into his soul, "Rotten bastard…"

The valley was filled with bones and skeletal of humans - the victims. This place is the place where the captured herbivores were disposed. This lowly guy, really needs to be punished. Hence, Kyouya went to the other side, hiding carefully, not to kick any of the scattered skeletons. A wrong movement would be fatal.

He sneaks down to his enemies' dead body and snatch away one or two guns from them, including the stun gun as for protection. But before he noticed it, he received a hard blow to his stomach which made him feel nauseated and cough out haemoserous saliva. He rose up to his knee and deliver a punch at Jagger's dog which he thought was Jagger at first glance. He didn't realize that some of them had returned to their consciousness all this while. The second punch doubled it over and expelled the last bit of choked air from the beer-weighted belly. And that guy had died of choking.

"Hmph.' He sneered proudly as usual as Jagger seems to be hiding.

Suddenly, there was a heck of a shot from outside. Kyouya quickly slide down behind the hills of corps to cover his face from being seen by those bastards. He traced his hands down below his solar plexus and he was glad that he didn't die choking out of breath. He noticed a fair amount of pain from the failed gut shot still remain but he can't accept that his pride was trampled down. He was like playing hide and seek with this Jagger and felt like stupid; he admit that he almost out of luck, tired of fighting non-stop against those bastards and out of bullet, which was something he wasn't used to.

He tried to get up, but the pain on his shot leg get in the way. He winced and grumbled over it. The pain is worsening and the cloth he used to tie his lower leg also covered with his blood. The bleeding has not stopped and he already felt numb.

"You're a fool to oppose me," Jagger sneered. His pistol was shining as the dimmed light illuminate his ugly feature. "You'll die just like that little girl. What was her name? Ah..Sawada, isn't it? She was pretty cute if you look closely. My, my, wasn't she fun? Writhing in my world of torment like a _bird_ being crushed." And he laughed tactlessly.

"Bastard." Kyouya snapped, rumbling in his intense voice, drawing his weapons out and tried to dash at her kidnapper with wrath burning in his soul.

'THONK!'

Suddenly a loud thonk was heard and Jagger unexpectedly yelled in pain. Kyouya startled at the scream and backed down, and peak out to see what it was. And he was astounded to hear that bastard's mighty voice was quivering as he dropped to his knees, trembling and wailing as his face was crushed to the floor. Kyouya was immediately disinterest as someone interfered in his fight. He then, stood on his knees, eyes bulging with calm rage, and stared at his opponent—some punk policeman with devilish kick for that bastard who kidnapped Tsunayoshi—right in his devious slanting eyes.

"I guess it's come to this," said the guy in question, staring at Jagger under his feet with utter contempt with other policemen surrounded Jagger and pointing guns in all direction. Kyouya almost cursed when he heard that familiar voice from his hideout. _"Step aside…Alaude..."_and he was clearly angered by the interruption.

Jagger retorted harshly and spit onto the pale face, while his hands were crammed backwards.

Alaude showed a passionate dislike towards Jagger who act childish at his fall. "Alright. Release him. It's no fun fighting with you from the back huh?"

So they stood, staring each other down. Alaude's eyes never blinked once and he was fully ready for this.

It's going to be quick—

His enemy lashed out with an assault that came on like lightning.

But the skylark was much faster and strongly able to evade the lethal blow of his steels. "You are 500 years early to fight me on par like this."

Before Jagger could decide which way to move, the small blade cut through the side of his stomach in a flash of pain and disbelief, and he stared blankly at Alaude who holds noting but the chain; and he noticed that the police used the edge of it's opening to give him jagged cut. Jagger who dazed in disbelief found himself hooked down to the floor and was forced to press onto his bleeding stomach by certain –other policeman.

"You…little…" Jagger's under man took a lurching step forward with each word. On the third, Alaude swung a metal: "Punk!"

And Kyouya who was walking ahead towards Alaude deliver a harsh side kick to the other guy who tried to attack Alaude from the other side.

The blow was too sluggish even when that guy sprawled onto the floor. Kyouya knew the second he launched it. He was weakening. The others tried to attack him again with stun gun; he could even register to dodge, however, another dull gunshot was heard, and the person behind him falls to the ground squirming in their pool of blood.

"Alaude…" He snarled again dissatisfied, even though he was saved.

"Hn.. I don't like your attitude Kyouya." Alaude cocked his pistol and stares at Jagger with cold eyes, now ready to strike the aggravating Jagger again when Kyouya suddenly came forward grumbling, "Don't act like I'm not here, _bastard_."

Alaude grimace changed, eyes slanted even more. "Just sent him to jail and let the people decide how he needs to be killed." Kyouya said while looking dagger inside his brother's eye.

He scanned his environment and noticed many of the cliques had come to their consciousness as they speak and he can't be done here. He needed to move forward to where Tsunayoshi is. He growled disheartened while putting on his stance.

He needs to head there quick, or else –

A tap on his shoulder made him startled. "You can go. Leave this to me."

He growled slightly again, "Are you mocking my weakness Alaude?"

Alaude sneered, "No, It's just don't like my brother to interfere with my fight right now. One skylark is enough." And with that he shoved that small frame aside and signaling his men to charge forward.

"Don't even think I would be thankful." Kyouya grumble slowly under his breath before he fled.

"Hnnn…Some brother he is." And a small smirk grace Alaude's pale face.

And the fight continues..

…

…

…

"_Tch. ZZz..Kyou-san! Are you there?!"_

"_Tzzz..Hibari! Why can't we reach you to the EXTREME!"_

Hibari growled at the breaking sound of his broken receiver. It was his cliques from the other side, he was glad but he wasn't impressed either.

"Shut up Sasagawa. I'll beat you for my ear bleed or if I'm deaf."

"_zzz. THAT'S GREAT! HE'S ALIVE AND KICKING TO THE EXTREME!"_

"_ZZZ, shut up Ryohei! Kyou-san, we're finished here, unexpectedly..tzz.. your brother sent a team to seize these smugglers, and they came in handy just in time."_

"…"Kyouya twitched in annoyance and stayed silent wondering of his brother's intention. How the hell did he knew all of this in short time, whilst he had to gain everything through hardship? And he didn't acknowledge him at all. He lean his back to the wall allowing his body to rest for a while.

"_Kyou-san, are you listening? Zzz.."_

"_HIBARI!" _

"Shut up, herbivores. I heard you."

"_We're coming in your way!"_

"It's fine.." he pause, and before Kusakabe could argue, he continued, "my brother is here. Don't rush all together. Just settle everything there."

"_What?! He's there!?..mmm…Okay..if you say so.."_ There was slight of insecurity in Kusakabe's voice.

"Don't die HIBARI –!" and Kyouya immediately closed his receiver before he was further assaulted by Sasagawa.

"Geez.."

He felt sluggish, the shot on his shoulder sent fresh ripples of pain through his torso. Luckily, he didn't fall though—he had made absolutely sure he won't fall and made sure that Alaude didn't notice that he was shot—he was reassured by the help but it was a lot more disturbing when it was _Alaude_ who came to aid him. He loathes him. Or, he just trying to hide the fact that he felt inferior to his brother who made he hates his gut. In front of his brother, their superiority complex clash and at last, he was the one to be inferior. In other departments, where he was more well-known, his reputation would have already taken a beating whether he won the fight or not. He was better than anyone else – but when Alaude came –

Everything collides…

Suddenly certain voices resonance in the darker place and Kyouya heading forward at fast pace.

"_Natsumi Sawada! Just leave us here and leave by yourself! You probably just want to use her again!"_

Kyouya's eye widen at the discoveries that Natsu was here! And he recognized that man's voice. If natsu was here, that's mean – Tsunayoshi might be here!

'Clang-clang-thud!'

And at the edge of his dimmed vision, he saw Natsu had lifted her arm to fire, towards the person in front and he can tell the bullet hit.

"_I'm serious Mukuro Rokudo! I will have to kill you if you don't release her!"_

He was right then; it was really Mukuro Rokudo who runs away from prison past 3 months. Without a second thought Kyouya flung himself rolling in the air and –

"_Don't!" Mukuro shouted out of deprivation_.

And at the same time, he pulled the trigger and a 'THUD!' was heard following his bullet. Unfortunately, it was his last bullet, and no more and he threw away the useless gun.

A person fell. Natsu fell to the ground – lifeless but this wicked girl manages to turn behind and smiled at Kyouya who shoot her. A bullet passed through her flesh and blood spurting out from her wound. That was when he realized the other two figures – no – three figures in 10 feet in front of him – and he didn't bother to hide himself as they didn't noticed him.

And at the same time,

"_Let it go Tsuna. Let it go."_ A guy shouted out of deprivation. And – was it the short form of Tsunayoshi he heard from the other guy's lips? And Kyouya suddenly grew jealousy at the thought.

"_I killed her…"_A small husky voice cried, but he seriously cannot recognize that voice.

"_It's alright."_ The guy tried to calm the other, and he was positive that it was Mukuro.

"_NO! IT'S NOT ALRIGHT!"_ He shouted in aghast and as if he just woken up from a bad dream he dropped the rifle and crawled towards Natsu's direction. Kyouya was wondering who that guy was. Was it Natsu's friends and crime companion? He cannot see his face though.

"_I'm sorry..I'm sorry…Natsu…"_ and he was crying heavily. As Mukuro was trying to walk towards the crawling guy, the ray of light illuminate his face and made it clearer to Kyouya who was trying to figure out the peoples there.

Kyouya had a mind blow when he saw the face of the infamous drug dealer which he was searching all this while – the person who fought him with equal strength – the person who makes him a laugh stock when he lose the fights, and when he manage to escape from prison.

And when he thought the Kokuyou group was also involved in Tsunayoshi's kidnapping –

He just pounce from behind that blue haired guy and strangle his neck with his arm and using a knife to pierce Mukuro's neck in a flesh.

And Mukuro were forced to swallow his dry throat.

"Tell me…What have you done, scum?" Hibari growled.

"Oya..oya..it's not good to attack from behind me, Kyouya Hibari." And he elbowed Kyouya on his already injured abdomen, constructing him a short time to flee. "You came… Was it you – the rumored guy in question?" Mukuro referred him as the guy whom Tsuna loved.

Kyouya couldn't catch his meaning, and just consumed by the anger. "Sadly, I want to arrest you Mukuro Rokudo."

Whoosh!

The skylark swung his knife again and Mukuro jump backward, lending on his knee. It was a narrow miss, avoided only by a nimble leap to the side. Another trio of slashes forced him to roll backwards, the blade coming close enough to whip a breeze across his skin. "Kufufufu…You. Really. Didn't. Deserved. Her."

Whoosh!

Mukuro had lost his trident, so, definitely he was at the disadvantage here and keeps dodging enraged Kyouya. But Kyouya is also out of breath and they were fairly square.

Two minutes later, both men were panting and dripping sweat, thin blood etching from Mukuro's neck and the previous injuries, whilst Kyouya was pressing his injured shoulder – eyes still piercing through Mukuro's flesh and revolting.

There will be no end with this guy.. Mukuro thought deeply and he decided – as he picked up his trident from the floor, luckily, than jerked kick him fairly until he flew to this place again and found his trident back.

"Kufufufu…" He let out his eerie laugh. "You. Are. Seriously. A . pathetic guy, Kyouya hibari. Didn't you realize it?" Kyouya just frowned at his words. "Your point is?"

Mukuro just ignored him. Both of their metals were clashing each other by narrow miss and finally both of them were panting at each side, ceasing their fighting. "But you know what's really annoying me?" "You just ignore her when she needed you. You come here but you didn't even recognize her."

"What the hell are you reasoning?" Kyouya breathing in and out heavily taking his time to charge forward, as his steel blue eyes leaned downwards staring at the person whom he shot down just now. But he knew it was just a graze on her shoulder, he couldn't have missed his target. She must be fainted due to the shock. It's a lie if he said he didn't have the urged to see her condition. She is his fucking wife despite of the all the evil deeds she done.

She was still his responsibility.

That guilty looked in the steel blue eyes didn't escape Mukuro's hawk eyes, "Don't tell me – you felt sorry for this bitch?" Mukuro hissed as he moves towards the still unconscious Tsunayoshi and Natsumi kneeling beside the brunette. He palpated their carotid pulse and thank god, both were still alive and he also notice that they are moving to their consciousness, a real soon. And he stood up.

"That bitch is my wife." It took Hibari a few confused seconds to realize he had punched the blue haired guy. He really couldn't be more patient. The thought that he actually cares about Natsu made him feel sick.

"—what the hell?" Mukuro spat out angrily, bringing a hand to his now throbbing face. He yawned at the sharp pain along his cheek and jaw. "So, you're the husband of this wicked bitch and the love of this angle's heart?!" Mukuro couldn't hide his annoyance and rolled his eyes, staring at Tsunayoshi, who is slowly regaining consciousness. His wide eyes landed on Hibari, as he now drawing his fist to return the favor only to be pulled back by a shocked.

"Let me go!"

"NO! I won't!" The person warped his arm to her chest. Mukuro raged, struggling to get free.

"Don't!" she squeaked by his side. He stole a looked to his side, and he was surprised that both of the sisters had woken up and kicking in alertness.

"Tsuna! Why did you bother to love someone like him!? He deserves the punch! Don't you realize how much you suffered because of his half assed kindness? You will be torn!" He was angered.

"But, Mukuro, actually there was no reason I could pinpoint on why I love him so much. He was just too dear to me. I just love him, so much!" She exclaimed. Her hoarse voice was exasperated, a little offended, slightly pleading – and there were tears trickling down her pale cheeks. Hibari's wide eyes looked ahead by surprise; now staring at the figure in front of him. It was then he realized the hoarse voice belongs to the girl he tried to save.

His thought died for a moment didn't even notice his hand moves forward to hold the injured girl dearly. Mukuro on the side, tried to interfere when Natsu suddenly shouted, "Don't!" she defended, scowling at the confused Mukuro. She was trying to sit, pressing her bleeding shoulder; as she expected Kyouya would never dare to kill her because he will be hated by Tsu-chan if he did. And she smirks softly.

"Tsu-nayoshi Sawada..? Is it _really _you?" Never had Hibari had to question something in such a way before. It left him feeling vulnerable and he hated that. And he hated for the way his heart clenched painfully at that thought that he didn't recognized her when he finally met her. And he hated the fact his enemy actually saved his herbivore.

How? What had happened? Mukuro Rokudo and Tsunayoshi actually met? The two just didn't fit. He should be the kidnapper or something in the line.

"Let just say, I am your rival." The steel blue frowned in rage at the violet ones, when Mukuro suddenly grabbed Tsunayoshi to his chest and Kyouya retracted his hand, keeping his cool; "we have suddenly develop a rare friendship along in the misery. She told me everything and guessed what I think." He took a deep breath, "I will take her if you missed out step." And he sneers wickedly.

"You will what?" Tsuna couldn't help but to raise her voice. She was obviously shocked at the shocking statement.

"I will make you mine." He said seductively and she felt goosebump at the warm breathe on her face as he smiled at her who can't even see his face.

"Mukuro! Stop that!" Tsuna was angered and she pushes Mukuro aside, so that she can stand in between the men. "I'm not a toy to begin with! And first off! We need to get out of here!" she had forgotten about the pain she have.

Hibari had completely losing his focus on their stupid conversations. It was mainly because Tsunayoshi had blown away his mind by appearing in front of him. The only thing he knows was that, he want her..

And with that simple mind, Hibari pulled her hands and she stumble into the warm hug."Uuhm, I-" she was blushing madly.

And with only that – the skylark's eyes were obviously filled with pleasure – even Mukuro was surprised that this tight face man would have something like that in him.

The girl stare at him and his eyes also remained fixated on hers, wide flooded with love and admiration as they had been longing to see each other more than anyone else and he hold her closer to his chest.

Tsuna caved in – completely surprised that Kyouya would embrace her passionately like this, closing her eyes again, as she felt her head lighten for a while. All the burdens flew away, and she heard nothing accept their heartbeat and shallow breathing. She wants to feel it all – and – it seems forever.

His cold gaze turned slightly warm. His love was still alive, and she was standing right in front of him. "Tsunayoshi.." but his face was stoic as ever which killed all the emotion.

"You came…Kyouya…"

Kyouya step closer to her side, holding her hands gently and flinch at her small smiles. "Are you alright..?"

"Emm.. Yes… I am alright…" she kept staring into his eyes as if she looks at him. Her eyes filled with love and happiness that can't be described. She felt at ease when he was circling her hands, tightening his grasp. But kyouya couldn't help but kept glaring at the wounds on her thin body.

There were many jagged cuts here and there, and dried blood on her face and body. He can't bear looking at them. It seems very painful, but she insists that she is alright and still able to form that painfully innocent smile like nothing had harmed her. And it pained him deeper inside.

She snuggled even closer, purring with her eyes closer. For her, this is all she ever wanted—to be with the man she loved forever.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of snapping, and before he could make out what was happening, he felt Tsunayoshi slip downwards and out of his hands. He groped about desperately for her but she fell too quickly as her body slumps against his chest. His heart instantly dropped onto his stomach, cuddled her to the floor, watching in severe shock as the love of his life plummeted to the ground, breathless.

"Tsunayoshi..!" He panicked. She was gasping for air, her grasp loosens and her eyes dilated. "Kyouya…" She whispered as her face flinches at the pain. Kyouya was lost at words; it was too sudden.

Natsu wide eyes as she felt a bullet whizzed by her head and hit the person behind her. She gaped at the sound and suddenly Bermuda who was supposed to die, laughed loudly when the target hit and his body slammed back to the floor.

"Kyouya!" Natsu shouted to Kyouya when she thought Kyouya was getting shot and Mukuro on the other side rose to one knee snatched a gun from under his legs and fired through the man's flesh from behind, cursing at the 'intruder' and Bermuda was at last, dead with his brain crashed.

But it was already too late, before they knew it, Tsunayoshi had fallen limping and gasping.

"Tsunayoshi..!" Kyouya stared eyes wide, calling out her name and cradle her in his arms. He couldn't take his gaze from her. He felt wet and slimy under his palms and it's gushing out from where she was shot. It's her blood.

It's like dejavu. He had experienced this in his dream before..'No…This can't be happening again..' and he is in denial.

Grinding his teeth to stave off the pain, he willed the woman he loved to wake. Silently demanded Tsuna to call his name again.

How can their reunion be so short? She was all well and perfect and breathing…but why would that bastard took her away? Only a few steps and they can get out from here. Just a few steps…

"Kyouya-san…" Kyouya was too stunned to even blink as the heartbreaking sensation wheezed into him. She whispers his name weakly– her eyes wide as her breathing became shallower and the smile gone from her face, as it took more and more of an effort to breathe.

And he becomes more and more frustrated with his repetitive short meeting, Tsunayoshi is ... (dying) and he force himself to lift his eyes to her face; but, he was afraid. She would be gone, and he can't bear it. He will – no doubt – tears are falling. Her breathing is shallow and rapid, and little, wheezing sounds escape from her cracked pale lips – and he was panting.

"Tsunayoshi…"

She heard his trembling voice. But she could not move but to look at him who was trying to steady his breathing. It was no use. Kyouya…the softness in his eyes was, but it was quickly gone as his love fall down. He looked back at her, craned her neck to look up at his face and noted a faint smile pass over his mouth –

"I haven't told you something…" but he doesn't want to hear it.

Tightening his arms around her, he whispered words of comfort, "Just…rest." He paused and took a breath, "When you wake up again you can tell me." He gulped down his dried throat. "I will hear all your statements." Hibari's eyes met hers and a heartbreaking thrilling shiver tickled his spine when an intimate smirk fell over those pale lips.

She still smiled for him.

He had to be strong for her and instinctively, he leaned down kissing her full on her lips. It was a chaste kiss that held all the emotion either of them could bear. A weak smile appears on her pale face as his tears fell on her cheek and he tried to force his tears away and offered her solace. "You will be…okay…"

And he pecked, he kiss on her forehead.

Both were the first. That small kisses was the first and Tsuna tried to imagine if there was any more of it.

However she finds nothing in the dark – no more than a frightening memory and faint future… She find herself grumbling some few words she wanted to express to him – her love – She wanted him to know that at least… she wanted him to know that she loved him.

But she doesn't even notice what words she was mumbling that time. It was a total and utter silence that is almost painful. Everything went dull and ringing fiercely, like her ears was going to be deaf.

His eyes that looked back at her seemed like a stranger's – they were so bright and alive than he ever been, but it was sad and melancholy. His fallen hot tears on her face make her stun. Never in her life have she saw this man cried. Never once. She then makes an effort to cup his face and with a deep, steadying breath, she managed a small smiled and saying –

"…Kyouya…" '_I love you…' _

"Tsu-chan…"

"Sawada..!"

And silent cries broke down in the dungeon.

He cradles her tightly to give warmth, when the color had faded from her, to the point of useless. She left him with nothing but the resounding agony.

The woman he loved is dying from blood loss.

She was leaving him.

Natsu and Mukuro were frantically calling his name but he could care less. He heard nothing accept her slow heartbeat and her wheezing.

Tsunayoshi is leaving him.

He couldn't breathe.

He felt miserable_…_

And couldn't function…

"_Snap it out!" Mukuro shouted tapping his shoulder._

Kyouya regretted one thing. If he was able to move faster, he would be able to save her.

In other words, he _killed _her…

…

…

_**Just small notes..**_

_Saa.. review please... onegaishimasu!_

_I cried writing this chap. But, hold on minna! It's not the end…yet…_

_-grin-_

_it was supposed to be happy ending._

_-sheepish smile-_

_R & R!_


End file.
